In fact, it's delicious. Or should that be del.icio.us?
I'm fucked if I know. But anyhoo, here's what I'm talking about...
I now have a del.icio.us bookmark sharing thingy. Just click here to see a list of all my bookmarks.
Have fun.
10/31/2005
10/29/2005
Johnny and the Alien. Part 2.
When the greenish-grey thing landed on the hatch Johnny got so much of a fright he jumped backwards, tripped over a tree-root and fell. His head hit a rock his eyes began to water.
Johnny shook his head from side to side, just like he'd seen people do on the TV when they got hit on the head, sat up and looked at the spaceship again. At the bottom of the ramp of the greenish-grey thing shook what must be it's head (It was the bit that had the eyes in it) and made a noise that sounded like "Snargle-flaggle-shood."
The alien looked at Johnny. Johnny looked at the alien.
"Hello." Said Johnny.
"K-phhlllut" Said the Alien as it turned around and looked at it's upsidedown spaceship.
Johnny stood up and walked over to where the alien was now kicking the side of the spaceship and making strange noises. It sounded to Johnny like the alien was a bit angry so he went to ask if the alien would like any help.
"Excuse me" He said, as his mom had taught him to be polite. "Do you need any help?"
The alien turned around and looked at Johnny. Johnny looked into it's eyes. All three of them.
"Aranda-crooft-grundy." Said the alien.
"It looks like you crashed your spaceship. Would you like me to go and get my mom to phone for a breakdown truck? There's a man in town that has a big truck that he can put cars onto when they stop working." Said Johnny.
The alien closed two of it's eyes and all of a sudden grabbed Johnny by the shoulders. Johnny felt like the time he felt sick after eating too much ice-cream but then something happened inside his head and it stopped. It felt like he was asleep. And dreaming.
Johnny dreamed about his school, which wasn't very much fun as Johnny didn't much like school. Then suddenly his eyes popped open and he looked down to see that the alien had let go of his shoulders, had closed its middle eye and was looking at Johnny with the other two.
The alien turned around and faced the open hatchway of his ship, made a noise that sounded like "Sspptalopootini-scrudge." then turned back towards Johnny and said "Hellllloo Chawny... Heylo Jawnny... Hello Johnny."
Johnny's mouth dropped open. The alien had said his name...
Johnny shook his head from side to side, just like he'd seen people do on the TV when they got hit on the head, sat up and looked at the spaceship again. At the bottom of the ramp of the greenish-grey thing shook what must be it's head (It was the bit that had the eyes in it) and made a noise that sounded like "Snargle-flaggle-shood."
The alien looked at Johnny. Johnny looked at the alien.
"Hello." Said Johnny.
"K-phhlllut" Said the Alien as it turned around and looked at it's upsidedown spaceship.
Johnny stood up and walked over to where the alien was now kicking the side of the spaceship and making strange noises. It sounded to Johnny like the alien was a bit angry so he went to ask if the alien would like any help.
"Excuse me" He said, as his mom had taught him to be polite. "Do you need any help?"
The alien turned around and looked at Johnny. Johnny looked into it's eyes. All three of them.
"Aranda-crooft-grundy." Said the alien.
"It looks like you crashed your spaceship. Would you like me to go and get my mom to phone for a breakdown truck? There's a man in town that has a big truck that he can put cars onto when they stop working." Said Johnny.
The alien closed two of it's eyes and all of a sudden grabbed Johnny by the shoulders. Johnny felt like the time he felt sick after eating too much ice-cream but then something happened inside his head and it stopped. It felt like he was asleep. And dreaming.
Johnny dreamed about his school, which wasn't very much fun as Johnny didn't much like school. Then suddenly his eyes popped open and he looked down to see that the alien had let go of his shoulders, had closed its middle eye and was looking at Johnny with the other two.
The alien turned around and faced the open hatchway of his ship, made a noise that sounded like "Sspptalopootini-scrudge." then turned back towards Johnny and said "Hellllloo Chawny... Heylo Jawnny... Hello Johnny."
Johnny's mouth dropped open. The alien had said his name...
To be continued? Leave a comment if you feel like it.
10/26/2005
Taking a small break.
I may not be posting much for the next couple of days to give myself some time away from the computer world.
10/25/2005
Review time.
This is a rough start to the short story I began.
Johnny and the Alien.
Johnny loved playing in the woods at the back of his house.
It was his place, his own personal jungle where he could hide from the hordes of Indian Braves that were always on the lookout or a scalp or two. It was where he played Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers and sometimes, if there were other children, he got to play War.
Even if there weren't other kids hanging around in the woods Johnny could use his imagination to conjure up an enemy, or ten, whom he could track. Luckily, Johnny had an imaginary friend who was a superlative actor who could play an Indian tracker with consummate skill.
On the day Johnny met the alien he was playing in the mudpool. Johnny that is, not the Alien. Aliens don't play in mudpools. They're too busy studying the mysteries of the universe, making crop circles and buzzing Air Force jets to concern themselves with the joys of the mudpool.
Johnny was pushing an armored personnel carrier, which to a grown-up would have looked very much like a brick, through the mudpool when he saw a bright flash and heard a loud thud. Johnny looked up from his world-in-a-mudpool and saw something glinting through the trees.
The road above the wood was tight and once in a while a car would take the bend too fast and end up going through the guard-rail. Johnny went to investigate who had crashed their car just in case they needed help. If it was a bad accident he could run back to his house and tell his mom to phone the local doctor to come and assist the people who had been in the car wreck.
As he walked through the woods, Johnny could hear a strange humming noise. It reminded him of the noise his spinning top, that he got from his aunt May three birthdays ago, made.
Johnny walked towards the noise and ducked down to pass through the thick bushes and trees.
When Johnny saw the vehicle that was upside down in the ditch he said the word that he used for moments like this.
"Wow." He said.
It wan't a big word, by any means, but when you're only 8 years old and have just seen a flying saucer upside down in a ditch "Wow." is as big a word as you can think of.
When Johnny walked towards the craft he saw a hatch open in the side of it. A noise like the school fire alarm was coming from the inside of the ship and a strange noise, almost like the bathroom sink when it got blocked, was slooping and gurgling inbetween the shriek of the alarm sound.
Johnny took a few steps towards the spaceship and tried to get a look inside. He was too far away to see anything so he took a few more steps. And a few more. And a few more, until he was almost able to reach out and touch it.
And that was when he got the fright of his life.
As he took his last step a crash came from inside the ship. A small greenish-grey looking thing fell out of the craft and landed with a kersplodge, much like the sound of a dropped jelly, onto the hatch...
To be continued? Any comments would be welcomed.
10/24/2005
My ideal woman.
Ok folks. You asked for it so here goes...
My ideal woman would.
My ideal woman would.
- Make me feel Love like I had never been in love before.
- Love me like she had never been in love.
- Enrage me to the point of madness.
- Be absolutely open to everything and anything. Ideas, beliefs etc etc.
- Never shy away from saying the things no-one says.
- Be honest.
- Realize that my past made me who I am and accept it as unalterable.
- Have a nice smile.
- Make me laugh.
- Correct me if she thinks I'm wrong and realize it doesn't really matter.
- Be warm and caring.
- Appreciate that life is the one joke that we'll never know the punchline to.
- Laugh at the absurdity of arguing.
10/21/2005
First, they came for the Jews. And I did not speak up because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the smokers and I was mightily pissed at them for that.
It's kinda off of me to compare the smoking ban with the persecution of an entire ethnic group. But, the proposed ban on smoking in public that is to take place next march has really got my goat.
Who are these do-good fuckwits who deem that I shouldn't be able to choose an early death? The same people who allow massive companies to spoil our atmosphere by polluting it with barrels of toxic poison and smile happily, as their share prices rocket skywards.
And while we're on the subject of body poisoning... Would all you people who stand in the pub throwing back bottles of Becks Beer, Brandy and Burgundy & harp on about how my cigarette smoke is killing you, please... Fuck off. You are a hypocrite and a moron.
And to all of you who drive a car of any kind... You my toxin producing friends are making a bigger mess of this planet than I ever will with my cigarettes.
It's kinda off of me to compare the smoking ban with the persecution of an entire ethnic group. But, the proposed ban on smoking in public that is to take place next march has really got my goat.
Who are these do-good fuckwits who deem that I shouldn't be able to choose an early death? The same people who allow massive companies to spoil our atmosphere by polluting it with barrels of toxic poison and smile happily, as their share prices rocket skywards.
And while we're on the subject of body poisoning... Would all you people who stand in the pub throwing back bottles of Becks Beer, Brandy and Burgundy & harp on about how my cigarette smoke is killing you, please... Fuck off. You are a hypocrite and a moron.
And to all of you who drive a car of any kind... You my toxin producing friends are making a bigger mess of this planet than I ever will with my cigarettes.
♪♫ Future so bright, I gotta wear shades...♪♫
Just when you thought pampered popstars couldn't get any more up their own arseholes...
U2 frontman, Bono, claims he wears sunglasses to protect his right eye from swelling up when someone takes his photograph.
Yeah Bono, sure, that's the reason. Nothing to do with the fact that Bvlgari sunglasses are really expensive and they make you look oh so cool and hip... Not to mention that if the press prints this story you get lots of pairs of Bvlgari sunglasses for free.
U2 frontman, Bono, claims he wears sunglasses to protect his right eye from swelling up when someone takes his photograph.
Yeah Bono, sure, that's the reason. Nothing to do with the fact that Bvlgari sunglasses are really expensive and they make you look oh so cool and hip... Not to mention that if the press prints this story you get lots of pairs of Bvlgari sunglasses for free.
10/20/2005
Why I can never have kids.
If I was to become a parent...
I couldn't chastise my kids for doing things that society deems to be wrong. I couldn't search through their rooms looking for drugs, if I did, chances are I'd take them myself. "Cool, free drugs..."
I couldn't handle them as a small bundle, I'd be too scared I'd drop it after one too many rum and cokes and brain damage the poor little fucker.
I couldn't lie to them about Santa, the tooth fairy, the boogeyman or god. I'd be too scared that the little shit would turn out to be just as confused as to what life is as I am now thanks to the same influences when I was a kid.
I'd be scared that I'd be a shake the baby parent. There are certain days when all it'd have to do is start crying on the last lap of a Moto GP race and I'd snap. "C'mere you little shit... Oops, I think I broke it."
Which is why I can never have kids.
And that's ignoring the fact that, due to the chemicals that I've pumped into my system over the last few years, any child of mine is likely to be a spongeheaded mutant.
I couldn't chastise my kids for doing things that society deems to be wrong. I couldn't search through their rooms looking for drugs, if I did, chances are I'd take them myself. "Cool, free drugs..."
I couldn't handle them as a small bundle, I'd be too scared I'd drop it after one too many rum and cokes and brain damage the poor little fucker.
I couldn't lie to them about Santa, the tooth fairy, the boogeyman or god. I'd be too scared that the little shit would turn out to be just as confused as to what life is as I am now thanks to the same influences when I was a kid.
I'd be scared that I'd be a shake the baby parent. There are certain days when all it'd have to do is start crying on the last lap of a Moto GP race and I'd snap. "C'mere you little shit... Oops, I think I broke it."
Which is why I can never have kids.
And that's ignoring the fact that, due to the chemicals that I've pumped into my system over the last few years, any child of mine is likely to be a spongeheaded mutant.
10/19/2005
The writing on the wall.
Is always there. Unnoticed mostly.
Until now.
I've seen art in galleries that didn't make me feel as much as some of the pictures of graffiti on this site.
Until now.
I've seen art in galleries that didn't make me feel as much as some of the pictures of graffiti on this site.
10/18/2005
Recent Listening.
Just a list of what I have been listening to in the last day or so.
- Gorillaz. Demon Days.
- Daniel Powter.
10/16/2005
Open for questions.
I've decided to make this blog a bit more accessible to all you lovely people out there in webland..
Should you have any questions you'd like me to answer then feel free to drop me a line and I'll post the questions and answers on here for you all to enjoy.
Should you have any questions you'd like me to answer then feel free to drop me a line and I'll post the questions and answers on here for you all to enjoy.
You gotta love...
The human immune system.
Or I do anyway. And judging by the liquidity of the shit I just squirted into the bowl of my toilet I'd say my immune system is getting a damn good work out.
The temptation to upload a picture of my squirt onto Rate My Poo was high but I'd really like to keep a decent readership for this blog so I'll save your eyes from seeing it. Suffice to say that it's not pleasant.
I hope this isn't the first symptoms of Avian Bird Flu that the British press has been talking about all week. Truth be told I'm not that concerned about it. It's only killed 60 people in Asia and there are millions of people in Asia. Sure, if it had wiped out a couple of hundred thousand Asians I'd be concerned but as such I'm not that bothered.
I suppose you could say I'm not shitting myself about it...
Or I do anyway. And judging by the liquidity of the shit I just squirted into the bowl of my toilet I'd say my immune system is getting a damn good work out.
The temptation to upload a picture of my squirt onto Rate My Poo was high but I'd really like to keep a decent readership for this blog so I'll save your eyes from seeing it. Suffice to say that it's not pleasant.
I hope this isn't the first symptoms of Avian Bird Flu that the British press has been talking about all week. Truth be told I'm not that concerned about it. It's only killed 60 people in Asia and there are millions of people in Asia. Sure, if it had wiped out a couple of hundred thousand Asians I'd be concerned but as such I'm not that bothered.
I suppose you could say I'm not shitting myself about it...
Moto GP. Australia. Phillip Island.
American rider Nicky Hayden starts from pole position in todays Moto GP race at Phillip Island followed by Italian Valentino Rossi with Spaniard Sete Gibernau taking third on the grid.
Nicky Hayden not only took the pole position but signalled his intent to the rest of the padock by posting the fastest ever lap of Phillip Island with a time of 1'29.337.
Nicky Hayden commented after the final qualifying session;
Nicky Hayden not only took the pole position but signalled his intent to the rest of the padock by posting the fastest ever lap of Phillip Island with a time of 1'29.337.
Nicky Hayden commented after the final qualifying session;
"My goal was to lap below 1'29.5 but the qualifying tyres just got better and better and on the last one I was really going for it. The bike is working well, the tyres have plenty of grip and that's when I love it. It's always nice to be on pole but it's tomorrow that counts. Everybody in the team is doing their bit and they're all right behind me so all I can do is try to put on good show and see what happens."Valentino Rossi said;
"I was quite confident for pole position because the team have done a great job with the bike this weekend and it worked well from yesterday. I lost my best opportunity to take pole when I was held up by Xaus in the final corner; I tried to overtake him but I wasn't able to so I came in and tried again with another tyre. Anyway, sometimes that happens. I tried my best and my lap time was very fast but in the end Nicky was faster so congratulations to him - it was a great ride. I am quite happy because the bike is good and second place is not so bad. It will be a hard race, especially for the tyres, but hopefully the good weather will continue tomorrow!"To access free live timing for the races click here and go to the live timing link.
10/14/2005
Another Grand.
This blog has now breached 11,000 hits.
I'm staggred that so many people would find my life interesting enough to pay a visit.
A big THANKS goes out to everyone of you...
... I would offer to buy you all a drink but I'm fucked if I'm stumping up for 10,998 rum and cokes and 2 bottles of still water for my mother and my sister... Maybe I'll just get my mum and my sister the water.
I'm staggred that so many people would find my life interesting enough to pay a visit.
A big THANKS goes out to everyone of you...
... I would offer to buy you all a drink but I'm fucked if I'm stumping up for 10,998 rum and cokes and 2 bottles of still water for my mother and my sister... Maybe I'll just get my mum and my sister the water.
Moto GP. Australia. Phillip Island.
The Moto GP circus hits Phillip Island this weekend.
Second place in the championship is still up for grabs and with wild cards such as World Superbike Second place rider Chris Vermeulen and Olivier Jaque It should be a good race.
Valentino Rossi has always liked Phillip Island and will, in my opinion, be in the top position when the checkered flag drops at the end of the weekend.
To get live timing for all practise and qualifying sessions click here and access the live timing area.
Second place in the championship is still up for grabs and with wild cards such as World Superbike Second place rider Chris Vermeulen and Olivier Jaque It should be a good race.
Valentino Rossi has always liked Phillip Island and will, in my opinion, be in the top position when the checkered flag drops at the end of the weekend.
To get live timing for all practise and qualifying sessions click here and access the live timing area.
All quiet on the western front.
It's been a quiet couple of days on the good ship Ross' blog.
Mainly because it's been a quiet couple of days in Ross' life. But Selah, so it goes. It's all swings and roundabouts as they say here in Bonnie Scotland.
I've also started writing a short story for kids and hope to finish that at some point in the near future. I'll keep you all updated on it's progress and may even post a sample from it for your entertainment &/or comments & suggestions.
In other News... My mum and dad are, at this very moment, on the way to the sunshine state of Florida in the US of A. For two, hopefully, glorious weeks of arguing about where &/or what to eat/drink/sit/stand/sleep/eat/drink/go/do/visit. Nothing new there then.
Mainly because it's been a quiet couple of days in Ross' life. But Selah, so it goes. It's all swings and roundabouts as they say here in Bonnie Scotland.
I've also started writing a short story for kids and hope to finish that at some point in the near future. I'll keep you all updated on it's progress and may even post a sample from it for your entertainment &/or comments & suggestions.
In other News... My mum and dad are, at this very moment, on the way to the sunshine state of Florida in the US of A. For two, hopefully, glorious weeks of arguing about where &/or what to eat/drink/sit/stand/sleep/eat/drink/go/do/visit. Nothing new there then.
10/12/2005
4:06 am.
The first bird of the day has just begun its morning sing-along. The rest of the birds are probably sleeping. Like normal creatures do at this hour. So why, I hear you wonder, am I not sleeping? Because I'm not normal.
Normal people work 9-5, then go home and watch mindless soap opera's with their mentally vapid wife while their kids beat seven shades of shite out of one another.
Me? I work late, stay up late and sleep late. Which is the way it should be. There's not a feeling in the world like waking up at 1pm, scratching your balls and rolling over for another half hour in the Land of Nod. Which is where I really should be at this point in time, but hey, fuck it. I'm of today so I can do pretty much what I feel like.
Right now, for example, I feel like grabbing my coat and going for a walk.
Walking at this time of the morning is a wonderful thing. There is very little traffic and hardly any people. The streets are clean and the air smells crisp and clean. No Police sirens sound, no-one yells into a mobile phone every three feet, no dogs bark, no kids scream and scamper at the playground.
In short, you get the swings all to yourself.
Normal people work 9-5, then go home and watch mindless soap opera's with their mentally vapid wife while their kids beat seven shades of shite out of one another.
Me? I work late, stay up late and sleep late. Which is the way it should be. There's not a feeling in the world like waking up at 1pm, scratching your balls and rolling over for another half hour in the Land of Nod. Which is where I really should be at this point in time, but hey, fuck it. I'm of today so I can do pretty much what I feel like.
Right now, for example, I feel like grabbing my coat and going for a walk.
Walking at this time of the morning is a wonderful thing. There is very little traffic and hardly any people. The streets are clean and the air smells crisp and clean. No Police sirens sound, no-one yells into a mobile phone every three feet, no dogs bark, no kids scream and scamper at the playground.
In short, you get the swings all to yourself.
The G man cometh.
I am now the proud owner of a Gmail account.
What use it is? I don't yet know. How do I use it? I don't yet know. But I'm going to enjoy finding out.
If any of the regular users of this blog would like a Gmail account then leave me a note in the comments section and I'll decide if you are worthy enough.
What use it is? I don't yet know. How do I use it? I don't yet know. But I'm going to enjoy finding out.
If any of the regular users of this blog would like a Gmail account then leave me a note in the comments section and I'll decide if you are worthy enough.
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