What a Cnut.

Never order a large of anything in Starbucks. I mistakenly asked for a large, flat, black and was presented with a mug of coffee large enough to bath a baby in. Not that you’d ever bath your baby in a scalding hot cup of coffee that is, you’re sensible enough to know better. Or I think you are. Who knows, there are some people out there who may take delight in doing so. The internet is awash with freaks, loons and maniacs and real life isn’t much different. The only difference between the insane in real life and the insane online is that the ones in real life are easier to spot. The drool on their shirt and the dried semen around their fly gives them away… Or so I’m told. I enjoy the company of people who have excitement as their co-driver in my life but even in my deepest, darkest days I have avoided the obviously stark raving insane. Through sheer self preservation if nothing else. ******* The sun has been shining today and the winter blues are being banished with spring stimulated s...

And quite frankly it'll be a minor miracle if I manage to sit here and type for anything more than a few minutes as it's so cold I'm giving serious consideration to setting the building on fire. So what's been happening to me of late I hear you ask. Well, pretty much fuck all. I'm either pouring booze down the throats of the unemployable or at home sleeping in preparation for the next bout of pouring booze down the throats of the unemployable. There has however been a small blip on the radar of my social life as I have been invited to the birthday party of my dear friend Lindsay "With an I" Broon, who it turns out has been dating my second cousin twice removed on my dads side... (Don't ask me what relation he is specifically as I'm about as good at keeping track of my relatives as Ronald Regan was at remembering his name.) ................. Also... An old friend... Should I say love? God knows... Sprung back into my life after a few years in the wi...

Can come in many guises. People can inspire you to be better than the masses, books can inspire you and music can also inspire you. So my question for today is... "What has inspired you? In the name of fairness I shall list the things that have inspired me. People... Bill Hicks. A comedic giant who never once shirked away from letting his audiences into his deepest, darkest inner thoughts. Bill Hicks inspired me not to kowtow to other peoples ideas of what is right and wrong to talk about. No subject should ever be taboo, silence will only ever make the subject in hand develop into something that it never was in the first place. Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King should have been the first black president of the United States of America. Had he not been assassinated MLK would have united the people to create a fairer place for people of all races. His seminal "I have a Dream"speech is an inspiration to me whenever I listen to it. One day I hope to see MLK's dream...

For life is but a fleeting thing. However there are things which make it more bearable. Like Music, books, the beauty of the sunrise and the most precious of them all, Love. Music like the album "Sketches for (my sweetheart the drunk" by Jeff Buckley. [ CD 1 CD2 ] [1] Books like " Alice in Wonderland " by Lewis Carrol. And sunrises like these . [3] [1] Courtesy of Anon. [2] Courtesy of Project Gutenburg. [3] Google image search. Enjoy.

I was in a state of absolute bliss. No drug on the planet could have got me as high as I was at that moment because of the love I had found. I fell asleep that night with the smell of Her still in my nostrils. I could feel Her touch on my skin even though she wasn't there. She was as much inside me as I had been inside Her. The next morning I stumbled out of bed, walked to work and got as much work as I could before She was due to make an appearance. Nine o'clock came and went. There was no sight of Her. I walked to the office and asked Lou if Claire had picked up the keys to kiosk 2 and had opened up. "No, she's called in sick again. The boss is going apeshit, that's two weeks in a row she's thrown a sickie. He says if she does it again she's gone." Lou informed me. "Did she say what was wrong with her?" I enquired. "Her flatmate phoned for her, he says she's got a stomach ache." Lou told me. "Do you need me to open up ki...

And felt the warmth of Her body pressing against my back. Her arm was draped over my shoulder and her legs were intertwined with mine. Her breath gently tickled the hairs on my neck. I could feel her breasts pushing against my back and her soft knickers against my bum. I looked at the cheap alarm clock on the bedside table. The display said it was 7:14 in the morning. "I was wondering when you'd wake up." She whispered in my ear. I shivered at the sound of Her voice and turned over so I could look at Her. "Bits of you have been awake for the last half an hour." She continued. A playful look spread across her face. "I'm sure you can guess what bits..." I knew immediately what She was talking about. "Sorry about that." I said. "It's not everyday I wake up with a beautiful woman snuggled into me. He must have thought it was his lucky day." "Don't be sorry about it. And who said it's not his lucky day?" She s...

After hardly being able to sleep the whole night, I slid out of bed at seven thirty. The thought of spending a whole day with Her exited me so much I was like a kid at Christmas. I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, dried myself off, slung on my jeans and a t-shirt, pulled on my timberland boots and left the house to get a bus into town. As I waited for a bus to take me into town I smoked a cigarette and watched the faces of the early morning commuters. A look of despair was the standard mask for these people. Misery was to be their company for the length of their day, Magnificence was to be mine. The bus arrived at Princes Street and I got off opposite the Waverly Market. The Waverly Steps were a couple of hundred yards away across the road and I looked over to see if She was there waiting for me. I couldn't see if She was waiting or not so I crossed the road and walked to the top of the Waverly Steps and checked again. I had no idea what time it was so I stopped a passing woman ...

And there was still no sign of Her. The morning after that I was standing at the back door to the Members House smoking a cigarette and chatting to Alex. It was quarter to nine o'clock in the morning and the staff were filtering in in dribs and drabs. I finished my cigarette and flicked the butt into the garden where it was rapidly set upon by one of the seagulls that hung around waiting for scraps. As the seagull took to flight, dropping the smoldering cigarette it had in its beak, She appeared. I walked towards Her and asked how She felt. She mumbled that She couldn't talk about it and walked past me into the canteen. She got a cup of tea and sat down at a table that was filled with other staff members who were killing time before their shifts started. I watched out the corner of my eye as She sat chatting to Dawn and Louise. As She chatted Dawn put an arm across Her shoulder and Her head dropped onto the table as though She was trying to hide her face. Louise turned around ...

I awoke from the most intensely real dream I had ever had in my life. In the dream I was witness to my own marriage to Her, my life with Her, Her giving birth to three beautiful children of mine and many years of us growing old together. I watched days fly by in the blink of an eyelid, I saw weeks skip past like I saw my children skip along a country path, I saw years pass as we both watched many sunsets and I saw Her beside me all the way. I smiled and laughed as the realisation dawned on me like the sunrise streaming through the gap in the curtains that covered the window to the real world. I had been shown The Dream, all I needed to do was make it a reality. I swung my legs out of bed and pulled on my work clothes and my boots. In only three hours I would see Her. While wandering to work along the old railway line I thought about the night before. Those perfect hours in Her presence played in my mind over and over again. The words She had spoken, the feelings I had felt and the sens...

So I was a bit quiet that day at work. She noticed it within a second of seeing my face. She enquired what was wrong and I said that it wasn't important. "It is important Ross, something is getting to you. Can I help?" She said. "I doubt it." I replied as I took a can of juice out of the fridge and took a drink. She moved towards me, with a small smile that was full of kindness and warmth, and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry you don't feel good Ross, it's not nice seeing you like this." She said, Her head laying upon my chest. I wrapped my arms around Her small frame and rested my head onto her raven black hair. I noticed that She smelled of apples and peaches and my heart beat sped up. "I can hear your heart beating." She said, still holding me around the waist. My heart skipped a beat and she commented on it. I looked down into her beautiful eyes and she looked up into mine. "You're a really nice guy Ross please cheer up. It ...

Onto the few thousand tourists that had paid to visit the Zoo that day. And it also shone down on me, even though I hadn't paid the entry price. I'd got the day off of work, and had nothing better to do, so I'd decided to take a wander around the Zoo. I didn't know if She was going to be working but She wasn't the only person I got on with at work. Sure, She was the only one I'd have moved mountains for but seeing Her wasn't my sole reason to pop in... I wandered through the entrance hall to the Zoo, waved a hello to whatever halfwit was on duty and walked towards the exit door. Much to the disgust of people who were queuing patiently with their screaming kids. "Fucking tourists." I thought, as one imbecile in the queue asked why I hadn't paid to get in. The halfwit on duty behind the cash desk informed the imbecile that I was staff and didn't have to pay to get in. "I'll need to get a job here." He said. "I'm sure th...

Even though it was pissing it down. Hard. The rain was bouncing off the pavement and pinging off the cars that were parked in the Grassmarket. I was soaked within seconds of getting out of the taxi but didn't care. I don't think I'd have been bothered at all if there was giant balls of burning rock falling from the sky, I was going to see Her. A group of us had arranged to meet in the Black Bull, to celebrate a work colleague leaving to go touring around Europe for six months, and I had managed to persuade her to come along. She'd tried her level best to refuse as she knew that I was utterly, hopelessly and totally besotted with her. She'd told me "Things are complicated." the previous time we'd all been together in the pub after work and had asked me to drop it so that we could be friends without all the unnecessary implications of me declaring my undying love for her. I stood outside the pub shielding a cigarette from the rain and pondered what to do...