Or, more specifically, later today I'll be trawling the web finding web design courses.
It's all part of the grand plan. Web design, social media, content generation...
Mahalo.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
7/01/2015
6/30/2015
Ideas
I'm sat here at 2:40am wracking my brains for ways on how to earn a living from online selling.
As a heavy social media user with writing experience I really shouldn't find it hard to do so. I should be able to find some writing gigs if I can find somewhere to find sites looking for content. I'm also pretty sure I can sell images and other creative projects.
What I need is a brand of some sort.
11/19/2009
Just when I thought the perfect job had come along...
From ~ Leona Hynde admin@age-verify.info
To ~ rossalandouglas@gmail.com
Date ~ 19 November 2009 17:32
Subject Re: Reply to your ad: Writers needed, £272 Weekly Wage
Hi there,
Thanks for your interest in our online writing vacancy. As stated, we require people with a good sense of humour to review adult websites on the net. The position we have will be home-based and the wage is £350 per week, rising after 6 months. You will be required to write 12 100-word articles per week.
If you think you have what it takes to be part of a successful writing team, we require a little proof of your abilities and commitment to the job. We would like you to give a detailed 100 word test review of the members area at a new adult site we've personally selected (www.realdrunkgirls.info). You will need to sign up for a free account there to do so (make sure you cancel within 3 days though to avoid being charged)
It's new and we've already reviewed it. When we receive your review, we'll compare your thoughts to ours and it'll give us an insight into the kind of perspective you have. Be creative, there is no set house style.
Please submit this to us within 48 hours if you're still interested.
If not, thanks very much for your time
Janet Smith
Write 4 This Love Media
*************************
From ~ Ross Douglas
To ~ Leona Hynde admin@age-verify.info
Date 19 November 2009 18:20
Subject Re: Reply to your ad: Writers needed, £272 Weekly Wage
Aloha Ho,
I initially applied to this job thinking "What the fuck, you never know if you don't try" and really did think I'd be sent a standard reply saying that the company involved was not interested in hiring my services but would keep my details on file.
Then, imagine my surprise when I received your mail saying you were looking for reviewers for "Adult" websites...
"Jackpot!" I thought, getting paid to look at poon for two hours a day then bashing out 100 words in between bashing a few off of the wrist... Piece of piss for me. I'm a goddamn porn maniac. There's not a porn niche I've not plumbed into at some point in my time and I'm talking some seriously hardcore stuff. I'm not easily shocked and didn't even blink when someone showed me Two Girls One Cup because it's not all that bad really. Give me the hardest of hardcore to review and I'll spank out 100 words in between spanking one out of myself!
(I have to state that I'm not into kiddy porn and would of course report that sort of filth to my local police department or priest if I thought I could blackmail the swine into giving me some cash...)
And then I read the rest of your mail and saw through the bullshit... You're not actually interested in hiring people to write reviews, you're looking for mug punters who're willing to put their credit card details into your system so you can sting them for membership to your "services". In short, this was nothing but a phishing scam. And that's just made me angry. And here's why...
I'm genuinely looking for work and would hate to think that fuckers like you are praying on people who are seeking employment instead of just making a decent website with quality porn. Trust me, there's fucking billions being made in the porn industry, BILLIONS dude! All you need to do is find some cock hungry whore that's willing to fuck for money on camera and a stunt cockswordsman (I'd like to apply for that gig if this mail doesn't send you over the edge) make a video or two and bung them on a website. Boom! Bob's your mothers brother...
Anyhoo Leona (If that's actually your name) I'll not berate you any longer cos I've got shit to do that doesn't involve telling you where you're going wrong.
Take care and please let me know about the stunt cock gig. I've not fucked anything that wasn't my hand or a watermelon with a hole in it for 9 (nine) years and can guarantee loads that would make Peter North look like a part time wanker.
Mahalo.
Ross Douglas.
Date ~ 19 November 2009 17:32
Subject Re: Reply to your ad: Writers needed, £272 Weekly Wage
Hi there,
Thanks for your interest in our online writing vacancy. As stated, we require people with a good sense of humour to review adult websites on the net. The position we have will be home-based and the wage is £350 per week, rising after 6 months. You will be required to write 12 100-word articles per week.
If you think you have what it takes to be part of a successful writing team, we require a little proof of your abilities and commitment to the job. We would like you to give a detailed 100 word test review of the members area at a new adult site we've personally selected (www.realdrunkgirls.info). You will need to sign up for a free account there to do so (make sure you cancel within 3 days though to avoid being charged)
It's new and we've already reviewed it. When we receive your review, we'll compare your thoughts to ours and it'll give us an insight into the kind of perspective you have. Be creative, there is no set house style.
Please submit this to us within 48 hours if you're still interested.
If not, thanks very much for your time
Janet Smith
Write 4 This Love Media
From ~ Ross Douglas
To ~ Leona Hynde admin@age-verify.info
Date 19 November 2009 18:20
Subject Re: Reply to your ad: Writers needed, £272 Weekly Wage
Aloha Ho,
I initially applied to this job thinking "What the fuck, you never know if you don't try" and really did think I'd be sent a standard reply saying that the company involved was not interested in hiring my services but would keep my details on file.
Then, imagine my surprise when I received your mail saying you were looking for reviewers for "Adult" websites...
"Jackpot!" I thought, getting paid to look at poon for two hours a day then bashing out 100 words in between bashing a few off of the wrist... Piece of piss for me. I'm a goddamn porn maniac. There's not a porn niche I've not plumbed into at some point in my time and I'm talking some seriously hardcore stuff. I'm not easily shocked and didn't even blink when someone showed me Two Girls One Cup because it's not all that bad really. Give me the hardest of hardcore to review and I'll spank out 100 words in between spanking one out of myself!
And then I read the rest of your mail and saw through the bullshit... You're not actually interested in hiring people to write reviews, you're looking for mug punters who're willing to put their credit card details into your system so you can sting them for membership to your "services". In short, this was nothing but a phishing scam. And that's just made me angry. And here's why...
I'm genuinely looking for work and would hate to think that fuckers like you are praying on people who are seeking employment instead of just making a decent website with quality porn. Trust me, there's fucking billions being made in the porn industry, BILLIONS dude! All you need to do is find some cock hungry whore that's willing to fuck for money on camera and a stunt cockswordsman (I'd like to apply for that gig if this mail doesn't send you over the edge) make a video or two and bung them on a website. Boom! Bob's your mothers brother...
Anyhoo Leona (If that's actually your name) I'll not berate you any longer cos I've got shit to do that doesn't involve telling you where you're going wrong.
Take care and please let me know about the stunt cock gig. I've not fucked anything that wasn't my hand or a watermelon with a hole in it for 9 (nine) years and can guarantee loads that would make Peter North look like a part time wanker.
Mahalo.
8/03/2008
7/29/2008
Having been sacked once before for blogging...
I know it's a rocky road to write about anything work related as it could mean I end up getting shitcanned for voicing my opinion on anything to do with my new job. This, however is no longer a worry as I was one of the two people responsible for the wording of the blogging policy. The general gist of it is as follows...
"Write whatever you want, just don't name names."
So from here onwards anything to do with my work will contain veiled references to people I work with.
We had our opening night on Saturday with a private function for friends and family and all went smoothly. A good time was had by all and there was no drama. The new crew are a good bunch of people to work with and I can see myself settling in nicely. Some of them are old friends and some are new people to me but they all seemed perfectly reasonable and able to do the job.
First off there's The Big Boss Lady who is a very old friend of mine from way back in the mists of time and her hubby, who shall be referred to as Man Mountain, who are the owners of the place.
Next on the list of staff is The Lovely Gee who is a great laugh and who is the sister of the BBL.
Up next is Dexy's, or alternatively The Midnight Runner, who is a workmate from a previous place of employment for me.
Next in line is Tomb Raider. (A sweet young woman who will be irreversibly corrupted by me within a month or so of her working with me on a regular basis.)
The other member of staff, and whom I am yet to meet and therefor does not have a nickname, will be known as T'other One until I get to meet her and see what she's like.
"Write whatever you want, just don't name names."
So from here onwards anything to do with my work will contain veiled references to people I work with.
We had our opening night on Saturday with a private function for friends and family and all went smoothly. A good time was had by all and there was no drama. The new crew are a good bunch of people to work with and I can see myself settling in nicely. Some of them are old friends and some are new people to me but they all seemed perfectly reasonable and able to do the job.
First off there's The Big Boss Lady who is a very old friend of mine from way back in the mists of time and her hubby, who shall be referred to as Man Mountain, who are the owners of the place.
Next on the list of staff is The Lovely Gee who is a great laugh and who is the sister of the BBL.
Up next is Dexy's, or alternatively The Midnight Runner, who is a workmate from a previous place of employment for me.
Next in line is Tomb Raider. (A sweet young woman who will be irreversibly corrupted by me within a month or so of her working with me on a regular basis.)
The other member of staff, and whom I am yet to meet and therefor does not have a nickname, will be known as T'other One until I get to meet her and see what she's like.
7/18/2008
Judging by the first question I'm most often asked...
When standing behind the bar at work, I'd say that the people who frequent the place are more often than not brainless idiots...
It's been about three weeks since I started my new job and without fail whenever a new face (new to me anyway) comes in the most popular question is "What football team do you support?"[1] To me this suggests one of two things. Either A.) They are brain-dead. Or B.) They are mindless idiots who measure a man, not by his deeds or his actions, but by which colour the overpaid Prima Donnas kick an inflated pigs bladder around a field he supports wears.[2]
Both of these things are not good. Not good in the extreme if you ask me. I mean what kind of retard judges a man based solely on the football team he supports? Yes, you got it, the kind that likes to drink heavily, watch football and beats the shit out his girlfriend on a regular basis. In other words, my customers.
Seriously, what is the mindset of someone who will come to a judgement on someone based on whether or not he follows the fortunes of the same football team as he supports? To me that's as moronic as it can possibly get. It's akin to judging someone by the amount of sugar they take in their tea, if they prefer cheese or pickle on their sandwiches or whether they like cheese flavoured Doritos or cool original flavoured.
So what, I hear you ask, is my answer?
Well, I don't support a football team because football is as interesting to me as shoving a cocktail umbrella into the urethra of my penis and seeing if I can open it. In other words, it's not high on my list of things to do. In fact I would say that shoving a cocktail umbrella into my urethra is way above joining the herds of football fans on the planet because I don't want to lower my intelligence to that of a retarded monkey who suffers from down syndrome.
[1] Football as in Soccer.
[2] I've come to the conclusion it's a combination of both.
It's been about three weeks since I started my new job and without fail whenever a new face (new to me anyway) comes in the most popular question is "What football team do you support?"[1] To me this suggests one of two things. Either A.) They are brain-dead. Or B.) They are mindless idiots who measure a man, not by his deeds or his actions, but by which colour the overpaid Prima Donnas kick an inflated pigs bladder around a field he supports wears.[2]
Both of these things are not good. Not good in the extreme if you ask me. I mean what kind of retard judges a man based solely on the football team he supports? Yes, you got it, the kind that likes to drink heavily, watch football and beats the shit out his girlfriend on a regular basis. In other words, my customers.
Seriously, what is the mindset of someone who will come to a judgement on someone based on whether or not he follows the fortunes of the same football team as he supports? To me that's as moronic as it can possibly get. It's akin to judging someone by the amount of sugar they take in their tea, if they prefer cheese or pickle on their sandwiches or whether they like cheese flavoured Doritos or cool original flavoured.
So what, I hear you ask, is my answer?
Well, I don't support a football team because football is as interesting to me as shoving a cocktail umbrella into the urethra of my penis and seeing if I can open it. In other words, it's not high on my list of things to do. In fact I would say that shoving a cocktail umbrella into my urethra is way above joining the herds of football fans on the planet because I don't want to lower my intelligence to that of a retarded monkey who suffers from down syndrome.
[1] Football as in Soccer.
[2] I've come to the conclusion it's a combination of both.
7/13/2008
"Jesus died for your sins..."
She said. With a totally straight face.
She was collecting for a new church and had inadvertantly stumbled into the lions den.
"Talk about a waste of time." I said, as I was bored and she was annoying me with her constant harping on about the, so called, saviour of humanity. "My sins are what makes me interesting."
"Surely you don't mean that." She said with a look of pity on her face.
I pondered for a second the possible ramifications of offending the god squad again.
This took less than a quarter of a millisecond and I continued.
"Actually I do. My sins, and believe me there are many, seperate me from the herd of waste of space sheep who follow the herd blindly without questioning the reason or the logic of blind faith." I said, smiling.
Her face changed from a pitying look to one of minor offense. I knew I had her on the brink and all I needed was to give her a small shove to push her over the edge.
"Jesus gave his life so that you could live." She said.
"Actually, Jesus died because his own people handed him over to the romans and went "He said he's the son of God, get him." because if they had lynched him for his claims of divine decendency their god would have laid down a shitstorm on them." I challenged.
I could see by her face that there was anger welling up. So I carried on.
"You do know that Jesus, the real one, was nothing like the tall, fair haired deity you worship blindly don't you? When you think about it rationally and take into account his place of birth and the time in history he lived in you'll come to the conclusion that Jesus was a big nosed short guy who was less than five feet tall. Think along the lines of the love child of Tom Cruise and Barry Manilow and you're on the right lines." I ranted.
At this point she left the pub.
She was collecting for a new church and had inadvertantly stumbled into the lions den.
"Talk about a waste of time." I said, as I was bored and she was annoying me with her constant harping on about the, so called, saviour of humanity. "My sins are what makes me interesting."
"Surely you don't mean that." She said with a look of pity on her face.
I pondered for a second the possible ramifications of offending the god squad again.
This took less than a quarter of a millisecond and I continued.
"Actually I do. My sins, and believe me there are many, seperate me from the herd of waste of space sheep who follow the herd blindly without questioning the reason or the logic of blind faith." I said, smiling.
Her face changed from a pitying look to one of minor offense. I knew I had her on the brink and all I needed was to give her a small shove to push her over the edge.
"Jesus gave his life so that you could live." She said.
"Actually, Jesus died because his own people handed him over to the romans and went "He said he's the son of God, get him." because if they had lynched him for his claims of divine decendency their god would have laid down a shitstorm on them." I challenged.
I could see by her face that there was anger welling up. So I carried on.
"You do know that Jesus, the real one, was nothing like the tall, fair haired deity you worship blindly don't you? When you think about it rationally and take into account his place of birth and the time in history he lived in you'll come to the conclusion that Jesus was a big nosed short guy who was less than five feet tall. Think along the lines of the love child of Tom Cruise and Barry Manilow and you're on the right lines." I ranted.
At this point she left the pub.
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