When I was a child...

Whenever I asked for something that was extravagant, or just plain ridiculous, my mother used to say to me "Where do you think you are? Daddy's yacht?"

"Mum," I'd say, (Mostly because I didn't know my mother well enough to call her Phyllis) "Can we have ice cream and jelly for supper?"
"Where do you think you are? Daddy's yacht?" She'd reply.

For hours, and often days, after hearing my mother utter these words I would ponder why my dad hadn't told me that he had a yacht or where it was berthed. Another question I pondered on was, how did my dad pay for his yacht on only the salary of an electrician?

The worst thing was that in his younger years my dad was in the navy and I gave serious consideration to the idea that when you left the navy they gave you a boat. The higher up the chain of command you were the bigger the boat you got. Admirals got large flagships, Captains got smaller destroyer type boats and electricians got a nice little yacht. It seemed the most sensible way that my dad had managed to get his, oft mentioned, yacht.

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Now playing: Elbow - Starlings

I made this...

Small video of some of the pictures from Florida.



Hope you enjoy it.

In the immortal words of James Brown...

I'm back.

So, that's the holiday over and I'm back in Edinburgh. I was welcomed home by a pile of brown envelopes and enough junk mail to prevent me from opening my front door fully without resorting to a hefty kick. The brown envelopes are mostly from companies demanding money of some sort but they can kiss my rusty sheriffs badge until I can pay it. Fuck 'em if they don't like it.

I'm currently under the effects of jet lag which despite my propensity for lying in my bed all day isn't as much fun as it should be. A long lie in bed should be exactly that, a long lie, not some kind of weird inability to sleep until 9am and passing out like a squaddie on parade in 1oo° heat and waking up five hours later with a mouth so dry there are cacti growing on it.

Today I'll be mostly spending my time uploading the pictures from the holiday to mediafire so all you lot can look at them and think "Look, random people in sunshine." or whatever the hell it is you lot think. Fucked if I know, I'm too tired to rationalise at this moment.

Here's the link to the pics should you wish to look at them.

just a few random pictures from Florida...

To keep y'all happy for the moment until I can find the time to write up some words for you.

Attention Florida!

Lock up your livestock, the Douglas Clan is coming...

That's right kids, in less than three weeks time I shall be winging my way to Florida for three weeks of sun and fun with my family.

Should any of you feel like giving up some of your time to show me around, please drop me a line.

Dust off the tinsel...

Put on the Christmas album...
Pop open a bottle of Captain Morgans and say hello to Christmas.

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So, what are you doing for Christmas?

Maybe, like me, you're spending time with your family.

Then again maybe you're not...

Maybe you're staying with friends, maybe you're stuck in an airport lounge cursing the inefficiency of travel companies, maybe you're wondering where your next meal is coming from or maybe you're homeless and are lying in a doorway wondering if you'll ever have a roof over your head again.[1]

Well, whatever you're doing I ask you to do this, think of someone worse off than yourself and do something to ease their suffering. Buy a card and some chocolates for the old lady in your street, give your seat on the bus to someone who looks like they need one, send money to a charity, give a few of your bucks to a homeless person, sponsor a child in a developing country, buy a food parcel and have it sent to someone who needs it...

In short, do something that Jesus would be proud you did.[2] That, my friends, is what Christmas is all about. Love for your fellow man regardless of race, religion, creed, colour or sexuality. We are, as a wise man once said[3], all the children of the Grand Whazoo.

[1] In which case how the fuck are you reading this... Tramps with laptops? Whatever next?
[2] Even if you don't believe he was the son of God.
[3] Me. (And possibly a few of the more enlightened beings to have visited this earthly realm.*)

[*] To be fair they probably didn't refer to the ultimate being as "The Grand Whazoo."