Last Night...

Was the night of a party to celebrate my Sister in Law's 40th birthday.

So you'd think that this morning I'd be suffering from a massive hangover (as is the usual state of affairs when I go to a party. For examples see this post, this post or this post) but this time this is not the case.

"Holy shit!" I hear you exclaim. "Has Ross finally defeated his demons and gave up boozing and drugging?" Well, not really. Allow me to explain...

At 7:30 I arrived on Hutchinson Crossway and headed towards my former workplace. I walked along the car park and strolled past the bowling green where a game was being watched by about a dozen members of the club. The members sat at the side of the green said hi to me and I passed a couple of minutes talking to them and catching up on how life was treating them.

After chewing the fat for a wee while I headed into the club via the backdoor, as I'm technically banned from the club but know that this doesn't effect private functions as the same situation occurred during the time I worked behind the bar, so as not to cause too much fuss from the more simian members of the club.

I pulled open the back door and strolled up to the bar. I was spotted by the barmaid, smiled and asked for a large skippers and coke in a tall glass with no ice. The barmaid shook her head and informed me that I wasn't allowed a drink.

"You're kidding?" I asked.
"No. We've been told by management that you aren't to get served." The barmaid told me.
"What management?" I asked.
"Management." She said, "You know I'd give you a drink if I could Ross." She continued, with a look on her face that I knew to be apologetic in nature.
"In that case can I speak to the manager?" I asked, just as my dad wandered up next to me.

"What you having?" My Dad asked.
"Nothing apparently, I'm not allowed a drink." I told him.
"Huh?" He said.
"I'm not allowed a drink." I said.
"Who says?" He enquired.
"Management." I told him.

My Dad immediately turned around and headed for the door I'd just recently entered through. I followed him out and stood at the backdoor, where I lit a cigarette and chatted with one of the junior members who knew me, while my Dad walked along the side of the green to speak to the president.

After a couple of minutes my Dad came back and told me there was nothing he could do. About half a minute later the president of the club approached and said "You're not welcome at the club." Which, at the time, I thought was a bit strange as he was one of the people who had said hi to me as I sat chatting to the members at the side of the green a few minutes ago.

"Why?" I asked.
"Because of the comments you made about the club." He said, trying his best to sound authoritative and in command. (In my opinion, he failed spectacularly and only came across as a fool who was out of his depth.)

"Even though this is a private function and I know for a fact that people who have been banned have attended parties in the past?" I asked.
"Yes." He said.
"And I take it that means the grounds as well?" I enquired.
"Yes." He replied.
"And are you going to escort me off the premises?" I asked.
"If necessary." He said.
"All the way out into the street? So we're off club premises?" I asked.
"Is that a threat?" He asked.
"Why don't we go and find out." I said, walking down the three or four steps that he had stopped at the bottom of.

I walked past him and headed back the way I came in. The members at the side of the green laughed and made humorous comments as I smiled and said I'd see them later.

I walked along the car park and looked behind to see if I was being escorted off the premises. I wasn't. As I stepped out the gates I turned and saw the friendly face of Heather, Jenny's mum, standing at the front door having a cigarette."I'd come over and say hello but I'm not allowed." I shouted to her.

"I cannae hear you." She yelled back.
"Fuck it." I said, as I walked back onto the club grounds and went to talk to Heather.
I told Heather and another couple of people what had just happened and they all said that it was ridiculous that I wasn't allowed to attend my Sister in Laws birthday party.

I told Heather and the other smokers I'd see them another time and headed back to my house. Where I spent the evening watching Dr Who on DVD.

And that's the reason I don't have a hangover to scare the Gods from their slumber.