What a Cnut.

Well, that's me back in the bosom of Mother Edinburgh. Place of my birth, land of my forefathers, home of my loved ones, scenery of my life, position of my physical presence... Etc etc etc. Continue ad nauseum... The only thing that I found to be unpleasant was watching Scotland get humped 37-17 at rugby, by a bunch of Italians who looked like a big bunch of jessies, whilst two extremely large and vicious looking Engerland fans made remarks about Scotland being the worst team in the six nations . (Fortunately Engerland were later pumped 43-13 by the Irish team and I sat basking in the sunshine when an entire pub full of Irish took the piss out of the two, very lonely and depressed, Engerland fans.) The rest of the time In Ireland was as nice as it could possibly be. Angie, my dad and I went drinking, went to a race meet and generally tooled around enjoying each others company. I displayed my remarkable talent for losing bets, my dad showed his coolness by not getting all clin...

Satisfy yourself with Sam Kinison singing Are you lonesome tonight in his inimitable style.

This blog may not be updated for the next few days as I'm currently in Dublin pissing it up with my dad. I'll be back in my usual hovel on Monday. See you then.

Onto the few thousand tourists that had paid to visit the Zoo that day. And it also shone down on me, even though I hadn't paid the entry price. I'd got the day off of work, and had nothing better to do, so I'd decided to take a wander around the Zoo. I didn't know if She was going to be working but She wasn't the only person I got on with at work. Sure, She was the only one I'd have moved mountains for but seeing Her wasn't my sole reason to pop in... I wandered through the entrance hall to the Zoo, waved a hello to whatever halfwit was on duty and walked towards the exit door. Much to the disgust of people who were queuing patiently with their screaming kids. "Fucking tourists." I thought, as one imbecile in the queue asked why I hadn't paid to get in. The halfwit on duty behind the cash desk informed the imbecile that I was staff and didn't have to pay to get in. "I'll need to get a job here." He said. "I'm sure th...

Not only did I add a couple of new thangs to the blog today I also hied over to IMDB and put all my DVD's into it. What use this is I don't know. I did want to put a list of DVD's I own onto my blog but there isn't a widget to allow me to do this. The best I can do is to tell you to click here to see the list of my DVD's. I also watched the following DVD's. 50 First Dates. The Longest Yard. Vanilla Sky. In between doing all this I managed to do a little housework (dull dull dull...) and slung some clothes into the washing machine. All in all I think it's been quite a productive day for me, even though I probably should have been either trying to find a job or getting my shit together for my trip to Dublin on Thursday with my dad. But no matter, I'll get my stuff organised for Dublin tomorrow and will forget about my employment situation until I return from pissing it up in Ireland with the bearded one.

To introduce my newest feature on here. It's called Librarything and it's a virtual database of my book collection. This is something I'll be working on for the next few days, months or possibly years depending on how lazy I am in cataloging my books. To see my library click here . I also spent some time today cleaning up my Del.icio.us bookmarks and adding basic descriptions to them. Also added is a sidebar widget that shows the most recent things I've bookmarked. Along with the Librarything and Del.icio.us bookmarks I added a clock to the top of this page to let everyone see what time it is where I am. Isn't that nice of me?

If you would like to put a clock, like the one at the top of this page, on your blog click here and follow the instructions. Or alternatively if you'd like a cool and funky looking Relatime widget for your blog click here and follow the instructions. Relatime Clock sample.

It's been a quiet week in music for me. I've not had my MP3 player on much during my travels and whenever I've been in the house lounging around in my shorts I've either been reading, watching TV or reading a book. I did however manage to listen repeatedly to the following albums. Barry White - All Time Greatest Hits. Buddy Holly - Gold. Van Morrison - Astral Weeks. Nick Drake - Pink Moon. Guns and Roses - Use your Illusion. The Pogues - The Ultimate Collection. I've also created a couple of nice ringtones for my phone from sounds file I found floating around on't 'tinternet. The first one is a Honda RCV211V on warm up and the second one is a minute long Tardis in flight sound . Feel free to grab a copy of either by clicking the links.

Well fuck me, this is the 901st post I've written for this blog. If each post has an average of 100 words that's... Well, it's a lot. Here's to the next 901 posts.

I've officially joined in with the developing cafe culture that has sprung up all over Edinburgh in the last few years. Take a walk down almost every thoroughfare in Scotland's capital city and you will almost certainly pass at least one Starbucks type coffee bar and at least one bar/restaurant that wouldn't look out of place in New York/Rome/Paris/London. The only noticeable difference between the cafe's in and around Edinburgh and the cafe's in New York/Rome/Paris/London is the lack of anything close to cultured conversation. Unless of course you are in and around Edinburgh University. This is where the International Bright Young Things of the world hang around in Edinburgh. Sit outside a cafe in this area and you could be forgiven for wondering where you are in the world. I've haunted this area in my past and have many fond, and often hazy, memories of nights spent lounging and laughing with friends in the drinking dens and evenings spent lugging sound equipm...

Even though it was pissing it down. Hard. The rain was bouncing off the pavement and pinging off the cars that were parked in the Grassmarket. I was soaked within seconds of getting out of the taxi but didn't care. I don't think I'd have been bothered at all if there was giant balls of burning rock falling from the sky, I was going to see Her. A group of us had arranged to meet in the Black Bull, to celebrate a work colleague leaving to go touring around Europe for six months, and I had managed to persuade her to come along. She'd tried her level best to refuse as she knew that I was utterly, hopelessly and totally besotted with her. She'd told me "Things are complicated." the previous time we'd all been together in the pub after work and had asked me to drop it so that we could be friends without all the unnecessary implications of me declaring my undying love for her. I stood outside the pub shielding a cigarette from the rain and pondered what to do...

Where my thinking was akin to flying a kite in a hurricane. The good old days... Days when the sun shone and the birds sang. Days of long drinking sessions in the sunshine and long in-depth conversations on Life, the Universe and Everything during the cool nights. Scotch was my drink of choice in those days, served in a tall glass with no ice and lemonade. That was the start of it. My drink problem. Not that it seemed like a problem at the time. That all came later when the scotch and lemonade somehow vanished and neat scotch from the bottle became their replacement. I'd tried drinking pints, like my friends, but I didn't have the ability to quaff. The problem was that it took too long for me to get drunk on lager. The ABV was way too low. My body needed a higher dosage. Strong spirits were just the thing. It usually happened the worst during the run up to New Year, the time of the year where Scotland showed the world that no-one parties quite like us... After all, we were the ...

There's something desperately wrong with the smoke detector I have in my house. Last night I was running a bath when the smoke detector began squealing, like a pig having a large cactus inserted into its arsehole, because the steam from the bath drifted along the hallway. This morning I almost set fire to the frying pan, while making my breakfast, filling the kitchen and hallway with acrid smoke and what did the smoke detector do? Not a goddamn thing. Should I be killed in a house fire please sue the living fuck out of whatever confederacy of dunces made the smoke detector.

And I'm just the person to say it... Anna Nicole Smith was nothing more than a drug addled, money grabbing, cock munching whore.

It occurred to me today that if the Human lifetime is roughly 70 years then I'm what you could term officially middle aged. And that's not right. It can't be. I'm still a kid for fucks sake! OK, OK, fair enough, I'm not a kid but I do spend most of my time acting like one so that kinda qualifies me as a yoof . For the love of Christ, I never owned a proper pair of dress shoes until last month when I had to buy a pair for a job interview. Surely that's a sign of my youth; Kicking about in trainers is quintessential to being young. My wardrobe is a shining example of my youthdom ... I own more T-Shirts with funny/offensive slogans on them than any other person I know, I have four hoodies , I constantly wear a baseball cap and the bottoms of my jeans are all tatty and ripped from them hanging over the bottom of my trainers. Could it be that I failed to notice that my youth was over due to my destroying my memory in a fug of hashsmoke and far too many tabs of acid?...

Over the last week or so. The reasons for my paranoia are too many and varied to put a list of them up here so I'm not going to. Suffice to say that the paranoia levels must have been higher than normal as I was driven to write "This is NOT a portal to an Alternate Dimension" upon the half length mirror that is propped against my wall and "No Entry to the Kingdom of Narnia" on the door to the wardrobe at the end of my hallway in black magic marker.

I found on Kelly Software is the rather nifty Icon Hider. Icon Hider does pretty much what it says on the tin, it hides icons. Just run the .exe file and it sits in the system tray and allows you to hide or show all your desktop icons with the Ctrl and Alt buttons. I like it.

Ever since I first saw The Matrix in the movies I've wanted a screensaver that did the whole green code thing and now I've got one thanks to Kelly Software . It's a great screensaver that runs well, even on my bag of nails PC, has smooth graphics with a multicoloured code option and there is also the option of playing music when the screensaver kicks in. To download The Matrix screensaver click here .

Today I whiled away a few hours by going on a DVD adventure. At roughly 10am this morning I dropped out of my bed and stumbled through to the living room where my DVD player sat awaiting me. "Hello baby." I said as I popped the first film of the day into the drive. As the introduction played I popped into the kitchen to stock up on the necessities for a day spent watching movies. Chili flavoured crisps and enough Dr Pepper to drown a manatee in hand I headed back into the living room and settled into my chair where I got myself comfortable and hit the menu button. When the familiar green falling code of The Matrix slid down the screen I decided it was far too bright to be watching movies so I paused the Movie and went and grabbed a couple of bath towels. After I had draped the towels over the windows the living room was dark enough for me so I plonked back into my seat and hit the play button. So far I've watched The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions ...

You might not think that Monday morning is the best time to talk about music, and you'd probably be at least a little correct due to the Monday Morning demons choosing the start of the week to use their powers. But I'm not one to let little things like the Monday Morning demons get in my way... I did, after all, kill the famous spider Itsy Bitsy . Bring them on I say; I shall dance in their blood, I shall piss upon their limp bodies, I shall revel and cavort around wearing the skins of their young. Etc etc etc... There are many ways to kill Monday Morning demons, I find a garotte to be the most enjoyable but if I'm pushed for time I'll use a ball-peen Hammer, but very few work as well as the tried and tested method of drowning them in sound. Todays Monday Morning demons were dispatched by the following songs. James Brown - I Feel Good. House of Pain - Jump Around. The Pogues - Fiesta. The B52's - Love Shack. Sir Mix Alot - Baby Got Back. AC/DC - Thunderstruck. The P...

That perhaps it's about time I made this blog a bit more user friendly. So, in a bold and brave leap, I'm going to write a list of topics and what days throughout the week I'll be posting on these topics. Monday - Music. Tuesday - Movies. Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Whether I stick to this or not isn't clear at this time.