Ahh, those were the days... Days filled with witty banter that would make Oscar Wilde chuckle gaily into his handkerchief and order a round of sherry for the whole bar whilst the well to do crowd sat ribalded and enthralled by tales of charm so sweet an... Nope, fuck it, I can't keep typing this without laughing at the imagery so hard it hurts my kidneys.
Anyway, to get you up to speed on the trials of life as experienced by yours truly I've quit my job and have a couple of days off until I begin work at a new place.
The old place was, to be perfectly blunt, a breeding ground for bigots, bawheads and belligerent old bastards that was slowly driving me insane. The new place however is under new management and is the dream of a dear friend of mine who is stupid enough, Oops, I mean willing enough to hire me as a manager.
In other news...
I'm now a reviewer for an international news agency and as such will be working during the festival fringe reviewing comedy shows and judging acts for contention in an international comedy award. Anyone know a good pseudonym?
Showing posts with label This week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label This week. Show all posts
7/16/2008
Very very wierd...
Last week after getting home from work I received a text message from my friend Steff at roughly midnight. The message read... "I just met my 22 year old daughter."
"What the fuck has he been smoking?" I thought, immediately wondering whether or not I could get my hands on some. "It must be damn good stuff if he thinks his daughter is 22 years old, as far as I'm aware Zoe is only 12." I thought. About a minute later my phone rang. Lo and behold, it was Steff.
"Alright man?" I said.
"Whew man... Just whew." He replied.
"What the fuck are you on about? 22 Year old daughter? Have you been drinking?"
"No man... I'll tell you what happened..."
Steff then explained to me that he had been at his Mothers house doing a couple of odd jobs for her and having finished had left and began to drive to pick up his other half, Wendy. When he was roughly halfway towards his destination his mobile phone rang. On the other end was his Mum. "You'll need to come up son. It's important." She told him.
Steff then phoned Wendy and told her he had to return to his Mums and that he wouldn't be long, turned the car around and headed back to his Mums.
Upon arriving at his mums house she said something along the lines of "There's no easy way to tell you this so here goes... That lassie over there... That's your daughter."
"Fuck off..." I said, thinking he was at the wind up.
"Seriously mate... She's my daughter." He replied.
"What the fuck has he been smoking?" I thought, immediately wondering whether or not I could get my hands on some. "It must be damn good stuff if he thinks his daughter is 22 years old, as far as I'm aware Zoe is only 12." I thought. About a minute later my phone rang. Lo and behold, it was Steff.
"Alright man?" I said.
"Whew man... Just whew." He replied.
"What the fuck are you on about? 22 Year old daughter? Have you been drinking?"
"No man... I'll tell you what happened..."
Steff then explained to me that he had been at his Mothers house doing a couple of odd jobs for her and having finished had left and began to drive to pick up his other half, Wendy. When he was roughly halfway towards his destination his mobile phone rang. On the other end was his Mum. "You'll need to come up son. It's important." She told him.
Steff then phoned Wendy and told her he had to return to his Mums and that he wouldn't be long, turned the car around and headed back to his Mums.
Upon arriving at his mums house she said something along the lines of "There's no easy way to tell you this so here goes... That lassie over there... That's your daughter."
"Fuck off..." I said, thinking he was at the wind up.
"Seriously mate... She's my daughter." He replied.
***********
Steff had gained not only a daughter but also a Grand-daughter as his daughter has a kid of her own. His daughter Zoe, who until the appearance of Stacy, was an only child now has an older sister and is an auntie.
It's all very weird...
Steff had gained not only a daughter but also a Grand-daughter as his daughter has a kid of her own. His daughter Zoe, who until the appearance of Stacy, was an only child now has an older sister and is an auntie.
It's all very weird...
4/01/2007
It's going to be a busy week...
For yours truly.
Tomorrow I've got to phone my lawyer, then I'm off to my sisters to have dinner and see the kids, this will be followed by a small stop-off at my brothers to pick up a disk I need to fix a computer. Finally I've got to go round to my friends to attempt to fix the aforementioned computer.
On Tuesday I'm job hunting with a vengeance as I've only got £50 ($25) to last me a fortnight and there is a £40 phone bill and a £150 electricity bill sitting on my desk staring at me.
(The shortage of cash is my main problem as it may be that I have to pack in the cigarettes... Please Lord don't let it be so, if I quit smoking I'll turn into a total rageaholic and may take to another (cheaper) vice to suppress my anger at the world around me such as Lighter Fuel, Sniffing Glue or the good old fashioned Brasso mixed with milk...)
Wednesday and Thursday will see me wearing a shirt and, possibly, a tie as those are the days I really don't want to tempt fate, my lawyer, or the wrath of a judge who just doesn't get it by wearing my infamous "Terrorist?" T-shirt.
Friday will involve more job hunting on a level never seen before by humanity.
Tomorrow I've got to phone my lawyer, then I'm off to my sisters to have dinner and see the kids, this will be followed by a small stop-off at my brothers to pick up a disk I need to fix a computer. Finally I've got to go round to my friends to attempt to fix the aforementioned computer.
On Tuesday I'm job hunting with a vengeance as I've only got £50 ($25) to last me a fortnight and there is a £40 phone bill and a £150 electricity bill sitting on my desk staring at me.
(The shortage of cash is my main problem as it may be that I have to pack in the cigarettes... Please Lord don't let it be so, if I quit smoking I'll turn into a total rageaholic and may take to another (cheaper) vice to suppress my anger at the world around me such as Lighter Fuel, Sniffing Glue or the good old fashioned Brasso mixed with milk...)
Wednesday and Thursday will see me wearing a shirt and, possibly, a tie as those are the days I really don't want to tempt fate, my lawyer, or the wrath of a judge who just doesn't get it by wearing my infamous "Terrorist?" T-shirt.
Friday will involve more job hunting on a level never seen before by humanity.
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