What a Cnut.

Has it really been a month since I last posted anything on here for you all to salivate over? It has? Well, all I can say is "I'm sorry" and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If not then we're gonna have to live with it forever 'cos I ain't gonna let a little thing like that get in the way of our friendship. So, what's been happening in the life and times of your narrator? Well, pretty much fuck all. Unless you count... Losing my Internet connection for two weeks. Meeting a girl. Having my Vespa stolen. *********************** I lose my Internet connection. I lost my Internet connection for two weeks due to "Technical Problems" with Virgin Media dial up service. This really makes me mad and even drives me to the point where I telephone them to give them a piece of my mind. I pick up the phone and dial. An answering service picks up. The trials begin... "Welcome to Virgin Media. We now have Three options for you. If you have a...

I got up early this morning as the sun had me from my slumber at the devilishly early hour of 6am. By 6:30am I was washed, dressed and downstairs warming up the Vespa for a drive in Edinburgh and its surroundings. Nine and a half hours later I returned home and pulled my helmet off to discover that I've got sunburn. Not normal sunburn. Oh no. I've got what should be termed Biker-Burn or something similar to allow you all to picture the kind of sunburn you'd get if the only part of you exposed to the suns rays is the part of your face that is behind the visor of your helmet. There's a bright red oval stretching from the top of my eyebrows to the bottom of my nose and from one temple to the other. I look like some kind of albino Aztec Indian. All I need now is a bone through my nose, a hat that would make Carmen Miranda shit a brick and a CD wedged in my bottom lip and the look would be complete.

Is a great way to get rid of stress. Whoops, hang on, that doesn't sound quite right... That sounds like I'm advocating jerking off as a way to rid yourself of tension. It does, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here so we'll drop it here before it gets out of hand... What I mean to say is that pulling on a crash helmet and going for a drive along familiar roads is a good way to blow the cobwebs out of your mind. And this is exactly what I did yesterday when I hopped onto my Vespa and headed out of Edinburgh towards Dunbar . As I left the outskirts of Edinburgh and approached my old haunting grounds of Musselburgh I gave a thought to the many happy times I'd spent in and around Musselburgh with friends and lovers long lost in the mists of time. I've some very happy memories of days spent in Musselburgh with my ex girlfriend Katy and her family but I didn't dwell on them too long as I passed the bench where Katy and I went our separate ways many...

Putting yourself into debt to force you to get off your arse and get a job. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what I did about an hour ago when I borrowed £800 off my dad to buy a Vespa .