What a Cnut.

She said. With a totally straight face. She was collecting for a new church and had inadvertantly stumbled into the lions den. "Talk about a waste of time." I said, as I was bored and she was annoying me with her constant harping on about the, so called, saviour of humanity. "My sins are what makes me interesting." "Surely you don't mean that." She said with a look of pity on her face. I pondered for a second the possible ramifications of offending the god squad again. This took less than a quarter of a millisecond and I continued. "Actually I do. My sins, and believe me there are many, seperate me from the herd of waste of space sheep who follow the herd blindly without questioning the reason or the logic of blind faith." I said, smiling. Her face changed from a pitying look to one of minor offense. I knew I had her on the brink and all I needed was to give her a small shove to push her over the edge. "Jesus gave his life so that you co...

"When the time is ready I shall send my only son to the earth to show them how to laugh." The Grand Whazoo.* *************************************** And lo it came to pass that The Grand Whazoo did send his only son to earth. And you can join him in his quest to make the world giggle by joining him by clicking here . *************************************** Family Friendly. No service charge. Tuesday is ladies night. Special drinks promotions all week. Happy hour all day. Students of philosophy welcome. Biker friendly. No Scientists. Please tip your waitress. *************************************** *During an acceptance speech for "Best god in a humourous role" award during the realm of gods, deitys and martyrs awards ceremony held at the Valhalla Holiday Inn. ** **(Tell them Marty sent you for a special reduction in rates.)

And it's the day I fly out to Florida. In roughly five hours and forty five minutes there will be a phone call instructing me to get my arse out of bed and make my way downstairs to the car. Not that I'll be in my bed, oh no, I'll be wide awake and waiting expectantly like a kid at Christmas. I've spent most of tonight whipping and ripping my favorite music onto my hard disk, finishing packing the necessities and pondering whether or not Florida, and the people of the state, will live up to my expectations. To put it more succinctly, all thoughts of Edinburgh could not be further from my mind. My lucky t-shirt (I've never died while wearing it) sits on my armchair beside me in preparation for another test of its powers and my lucky mascot is safely stowed in my backpack. That's him. His name is Jo Boo and he's the earth bound messenger of The Grand Whazoo , who as you all should know by now, is every God all rolled into one. And that's a damn good masc...

The despair has struck… Quiet voices in the night… There has been a constant banging headache all day. As there has been for the past three days. Whenever I move my head pounds. Blood surges striking up the pain when I cough and earlier on in the night I was as sick as an inexperienced sailor, adrift on a schooner in the southern seas where the BIG waves are. They roll in the night. Not silent, just deadly. I am currently stuck in some kind of nightmarish loop… The Gods laugh at me daily as my situation stays the same despite the changes wrought upon me by a power crazed fool with one testicle, a love of whiskey and a deep hatred of women… I wrote to stay relatively sane and able to function in the everyday doom that God wreaks upon us lost souls. And what do I get? A one way ticket to the scrapheap. I make resolutions to change but lose interest as the futility of any project becomes clearer. “I shall write a story” I think. I begin to write. My imagination throws out an image and I f...

And have it kicked into touch with this fun test . I did.