What a Cnut.

For the obvious reasons... A) I'm a bloke. B) I have more sense. C) Trends are only followed by those who cannot think for themselves. Posh Spice however, does. And apparently she's caused a whole lot of hoo-hah with her latest fashion statement of heel-less boots. (cue all the oohing and ahhing of the womenfolk who read this blog) The question I would like an answer to is "Will these shoes, if worn for any significant amount of time, cause back problems or other ill effects." Not because I care about Posh and her health you understand, but because I wish to see her suffer the same amount of agony and distress that she subjected us all to with her "singing." I for one hope that wearing these shoes makes her spine twist like Chubby Checker with Parkinsons disease and curve like a baseball thrown by John Lee Richmond. Should this be the case I'll be happy knowing that the rake thin, irritating, talentless, waste of flesh and organs, cunt is getting all th...

I begin typing frantically, trying desperately to keep up with the pace. My typing is never fast enough for my thoughts and I make more mistakes than George W Bush did during his entire presidency. But this is not a problem, I can spell check and erase my errors, he cannot. The idea is to type in stream of conciousness as the music plays, in order to break the bonds of thought and intent, thereby opening my inner-self to the page before me. Fuck knows if it works or not. I will have to wait until the end of the album playing and read it back. You will not have the experience of the music playing along and will have to take my word for it that I'm listening to Neon-Neon at the time of writing this. I don't last long before I have to stop and read back through the previous paragraphs in case it scans like utter shite on a level never known to man before. I think it's all good so I let it go and get back into the flow. The tune has changed but the music is still in the same po...

The months and the days I can handle, thanks to the high THC levels in my body, it's the seconds that drag. You've probably experienced my life at some point in yours. Boredom is a constant companion and procrastination is your pal. But you, being a productive member of society, overcame the fear and faced your demons head on in a challenge. Or perhaps you didn't and did what I did. You hid. Swept the covers over your head and slept. For hours. In a haze of hash smoke, a delirium of diazepam , a coma of codine, a nest of needles; it's all the same really when you get right down to it... They call us the wasters. The ones who cannot handle the cold hard truth of reality. We see the wars and the famine and the suffering and the injustice of your civilisation and a part of us shuts down. The part that is willing to accept these things as a part of life. And why? Because we know it to be wrong . Fundamentally incorrect, unacceptable to us on a level that you have never touc...

Some people treat their body like a temple. I see mine as more of a funfair. Having just gotten over a chest infection, that I suspect may have actually been pneumonia, I now have a pulled muscle in my chest causing me some pain whenever I breathe or cough... I breathe as a matter of course; I smoke too much and have asthma, so I cough quite frequently... At least I'm hoping it's only a pulled muscle. There is the deep seated paranoid fear in my head that it's a coronary building up to the point where my heart explodes out of me like a stinger missile, or lung cancer. But that's just paranoia. I hope. I'd go to the doctor but after the debacle of yesterday, when I called to try to get an appointment sometime before hell freezes over, this will not happen in the immediate future so I'll suffer the stabbing pains and wait for either my chest to get better or for the upcoming stroke to strike and hurl me violently into the big sleep. But these are the things that k...

Getting a blog and spending a few hours getting it to look how you want it to, and doing all the associated shit that goes with it, there is a site that takes pretty much all of this, scrunches it into a ball, and throws it into the bin. Posterous is a miniblogging site that allows you to easily post whatever you fancy; MP3's, documents and even video in the form of links and files, to a page dedicated to you. Posterous automatically embeds players for the following sites: YouTube, Google Video, Hulu, Omnisio, MixWit, Justin.TV, Fliggo, Vimeo, motionbox, TED Talks, Viddler, Dailymotion, Blip.tv, Revver, TeacherTube, GodTube, seesmic, and Brightcove as well as allowing you to post on other sites like Twitter, Flickr, Tumblr, Blogger, Wordpress, Typepad, Movable Type, Livejournal and Xanga. Founded by Garry Tan and his "college buddy" (Is this a euphemism? Answers on a postcard to the usual address) Sachin Agarwal, after they got sick of having to log into so many websit...

Whenever I asked for something that was extravagant, or just plain ridiculous, my mother used to say to me "Where do you think you are? Daddy's yacht?" "Mum," I'd say, (Mostly because I didn't know my mother well enough to call her Phyllis) "Can we have ice cream and jelly for supper?" "Where do you think you are? Daddy's yacht?" She'd reply. For hours, and often days, after hearing my mother utter these words I would ponder why my dad hadn't told me that he had a yacht or where it was berthed. Another question I pondered on was, how did my dad pay for his yacht on only the salary of an electrician? The worst thing was that in his younger years my dad was in the navy and I gave serious consideration to the idea that when you left the navy they gave you a boat. The higher up the chain of command you were the bigger the boat you got. Admirals got large flagships, Captains got smaller destroyer type boats and electricians got...

Ok so you have a nice shiny Ipod and want to put movies onto it. Here's how... First, get over to www.download.com and download a copy of Pazera Video to Ipod Converter . Start Pazera Video to Ipod Converter. You'll get a box like this... Next you need to add the movie files from wherever you have them on your hard-disk. To do this click the Add Files button in the top right of the program. A box will appear showing you links to the folders on your computer. Find the file you want to convert and select it. Pazera Video to Ipod Converter will add the file to the list of files to be converted. The next step is to tell Pazera Video to Ipod Converter what type of file you want it to be converted to. To do this click the drop down box with profile written on it at the left hand side. In the drop down box click the settings that you wish to use (Go for the Mov - Ipod/Iphone - Best Q - MPEG4 - 1500kbps - AAC 160kbps - 640x480 option.) and select it. Click the button that has writt...

So you'd think she would be more sensible with money and not go doing something stupid like giving a million pounds to the labour party , a party who I personally wouldn't trust with a kids piggy bank. This is exactly the reason women shouldn't be given money. They'll only go and spend it on silly things like shoes, posters of Richard Gere and tampons. Instead of squandering it on other bleeding twats. *I would like to point out that this post is meant in a joking manner. I do not want to get hate mail from a bunch of hairy arsed lesbian feminists or bearded ladies.

Read all about this story here . Read all about it here .

Wiry muscles are always under greater strain when stretched over so long a frame. If he kicks off he'll thrash wildly like a demonic flaying machine been designed by a medieval torturers assistant in an attempt to impress the boss. He's also Irish... This always means the extra added bonus of street fighting techniques only the scummyist people learn. And learn fast... There is no mercy for the weak in the concrete jungle of the inner cities and the kid who doesn't figure out that the main point in a street fight is to make sure you whack the bastard attacking you into the ground before he does the same to you doesn't get to grow up and have kids. He's been drinking heavily all day, chasing Guinness down his throat with whisky and water. The sure sign of a hardened drinker. Guinness on it's own is bad enough in the wrong hands but those who drink double whiskies to keep it company are often skittish, volatile and unpredictable from one second to the next. He i...

I hear you yell at me from the comfort of your home and quite frankly all I have to say in reply is... Try living my life and having something worth writing about at the end of the day... This is the reason I'm doing another shambolic attempt at tech reviewing and informing you all of the latest shit i have plugged into FireFox 3. First up is a really nice little FireFox media player plugin called Foxytunes . Foxytunes is an addon that enables you to control your media player from inside FireFox. Compatible with WinAmp, iTunes, Yahoo Music Engine, Pandora, foobar2000, Windows Media Player, Xbox Media Center, Musicmatch, Quintessential, J. River, jetAudio, XMPlay, MediaMonkey, Media Player Classic, Sonique, wxMusik, Real Player, XMMS, Noatun, Juk, Amarok, Music Player Daemon, Rhythmbox and many others Foxytunes is a useful little addon if you like to listen to music while you surf the web. Another small addon I have just installed, and am loving it, is Twittytunes . Twittytunes is...

A person is born who is destined to be the leader in their chosen field. Ross Noble is one of those people. Ross is an English comedian who deals solely in the world of unreality. His delivery, of stream of conciousness material, is possibly the finest example of this art. Watch the videos below and laugh as Ross plies his trade in a way that makes most comedians wish they had his talent. (The total runtime for these videos is quite long so if you do intend on watching them set aside a good hour, or possibly two, and watch them one after the other.) Enjoy... Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 1 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 2 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 3 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 4 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 5 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 6. Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 7 Adblock Ross Noble - Unrealtime - Part 8. Adblock Ross...

Smack into the hide of the injured, and hopefully dying republican elephant beast, news has emerged from a local of Wassila that Senator Palin isn't all that she seems. Read all about it here . Or you can read about John McCain's lack of openness when it comes to his medical records and the associated shitstorm brewing here . The realisation gained by reading all about these stories throw a shadow over the McCain/Palin ticket. Palin is a power hungry freak who loves guns (and, possibly, by extension missiles and other ways of killing) who cannot help but spend spend spend, without a thought about how to pay for anything and John McCain is a good hard fart away from joining the choir invisible.

Adblock How nice is this cop?

Wish that you would pop along for a visit .

Than a major dropping bombs. So here's a small list of songs that sing of hope sung by musicians with a conscience. Imagine - john Lennon. The Internationale - Billy Bragg . Midnight Oil - Beds are Burning . Ian Brown - Illegal attacks (feat Sinead O'connor) Country Joe McDonald - "Feel Like I'm Fixing To Die" Enjoy. Read all about it .

On Monday morning I was splonging around on The List when I noticed an ad informing me that the film Man on Wire was showing at the Edinburgh Filmhouse. Having seen a trailer for the film previous to the eye hurtingly shit Babylon AD, and noticing that Man on Wire was only showing for the next two days, I decided that I should haul my arse out of bed and go and see it on the big screen where the sense of scale would be better far than watching it in a few weeks time when the DVD is released. I was not dissapointed. This film should be seen on as large a screen as possible (IMAX would be ideal) as the risk that the star of the film, a Frenchman named Philippe Petit , took in doing this stunt are pounded into your mind by the images on the screen. Imagine standing on the edge of a pair of buildings, that at the time were the worlds tallest at 415m, now try to imagine stepping onto a 3/4" thick wire and walking from one tower to the other. This movie is not only a tribute to the ma...

According to a rumour, VP Candidate Sarah Palin is to announce that she was responsible for the invention of the Apple Mac. Sources known only to the writer of this blog have said that Sen. Palin is set to announce it in an attempt to contain the negative public opinion following the claim by Douglas Holtz-Eakin (McCain’s senior policy adviser) that John McCain invented the Blackberry . In a phone call from my top source it was claimed that "Senator Palin has a whole file of irrefutable, stone wall, cut and dried evidence that Steve Wozniac stole the idea from Sarah Palin whilst she was on a holiday to California sometime late in 1979. I tell you man, this is gonna blow Obama and his friend Joe Biden out of the water. Things are going to be messy." before the call was cut short by the, unconfirmed as yet, forcible abduction of my source. Sounds of a struggle were clearly heard before the telephone went dead. Stay tuned for more.

“We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world, a nation of bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are not just Whores for power and oil, but killer whores with hate and fear in our hearts. We are human scum, and that is how history will judge us. No redeeming social value. Just whores. Get out of our way, or we’ll kill you. Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Who among us can be happy and proud of having all this innocent blood on our hands? Who are these swine? These flag-sucking half-wits who get fleeced and fooled by stupid little rich kids like George Bush? They are the same ones who wanted to have Muhammad Ali locked up for refusing to kill gooks. They speak for all that is cruel and stupid and vicious in the American character. They are the racists and hate mongers among us; they are the Ku Klux Klan. I piss down the throats of these Nazis. And I am too old to worry about whether they like it or not. Fuck them.” Hunter S. Thom...

I'm sat in my house and it's just approaching 2am. The TV is on and BBC news is squawking away in the corner. The news is showing a pre-recorded (can you record something after it has happened? No. Pre-recorded is a stupid term, get rid of it.) episode of  ABC World News With Charles Gibson as it usually does at this time. I'm reading a book and chain smoking cigarettes when my interest is caught by Charles Gibson saying "And now a story which demonstrates the power of prayer." Instantly my eyes drop from the book and dart towards the TV. "What the fuck?" I say as the story of a woman who had a tumour in her heart is told. The story goes like this... The woman has pains in her chest and drops like a stone in her bathroom. She suffers stroke after stroke, caused by the tumour breaking up in her heart and causing blood clots in her brain. Three days later she is found in a coma by a maintenance man. The woman's mother then explains that she began offe...

Has one more member to add to the line up... Richard Wright, one of the founding members of Pink Floyd died today after a short battle with cancer. He was 65.

Ok, so lately I've been posting nothing of interest, unless you're keen on finding out how to make your browsing experience more individual. This may change at some point but right now I'm hooked on it so you'll just have to put up with it until I am distracted by something else and move on. The latest addon I've stumbled across on my travels through the interstitial webulator is Scribefire . A handy blog related program that sits quietly in FireFox and allows you to blog about the page you are currently reading/looking at/jerking off to (delete as necessary) with little or no hassle. Scribefire sits patiently at the bottom of Firefox and does nothing until you click it into action and up it jumps like a soldier desperate to please his commanding officer. I'll be playing around with Scribefire later on tonight and will update this post as I go. I'll highlight the pro's and cons of this neat looking little program, so far I have only had ten minutes of pl...

About the cool and skeezy addons that you can get for FireFox these days thanks to all the wonderful coders out there who see something they like, but think it could be improved, and rewrite it as they would like it to be. It's because of this relentless tinkering that people are able to customize their computer/browser to a level that makes it truly individual without needing to know how it is done. Take Speeddial for example. This little addon enables you to have all your favorite websites on a tab in FireFox so you don't need to bother with all the hassle of clicking your bookmarks open and remembering where the link is. With a little bit of tweaking (downloading images that you wish to associate with your favorites) you're able to create a really neat looking startpage that suits your needs. Thanks to the easy to use controls, how easy it is to customize and it's use-ability Speeddial is going to be a favorite of mine for a long time. Download it and give it a try,...

All my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay... Sorry, I got sidelined there for a second... God knows why... Anyhoo, here we are again with the latest news from the wonderful world of me. Life is good, work is good and I am able to breath again after having spent the last couple of weeks coughing my lungs up after developing a chest infection that would bring down lesser mortals. (As one of the chosen few Children of the Grand Whazoo [may he giggle for all eternity] I am more than the sum of my parts and am immune to such trifling things such as pnuemonia.) Today I spent most of the day in bed after playing around with all the lovely little FireFox addons I was raving about earlier in this blog until 5:45am. As such the day has mostly been taken up with sleep and work. But now I'm home after a good shift and am loose upon the web again. I did manage to catch a small portion of the Mercury Prize last nigh though and have grabbed a copy of the...

Then you may be clinically dead. She Loves You - Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan.

With a nice shiny Ipod and very little music to drop onto it. So what do you do? You give it to your friend and they drop a load of their music onto your Ipod until you can build up a half decent library of your own. And that's when the problem starts. You've build up your own library of tunes and movies but there are some tunes of your friends that you have discovered are in your taste and want to keep them. Itunes won't allow you to rip from an ipod to your library and you are now faced with downloading the tunes from wherever you downloaded your own songs from (Everyone say Piratebay) and there goes some more of your precious time. But worry no longer folks because there is a nice little program called Idump that takes care of this problem and enables you to rip from an Ipod to your PC with ease. Grab it now, before apple finds out and shits all over it.

Until the end of the planet as we know it... (Thanks to those crazy boffins at C.E.R.N and their very expensive and quite dangerous (if you believe certain kooky science types quoted on CNN and other major news-agencies) Large Hadron Collider which is to be switched on later today 100 meters below Geneva, Switzerland.) ...I sat down in front of my laptop with the intention of writing something intelligent, insightful and interesting about the faults and foibles of the human race in the hope that if scientific progress makes the planet go Boink my final words of wisdom could somehow sway The Grand Whazoo into giving the human race another go at life and what did I spend an hour and a half doing? I played with some of the FireFox 3 add ons. First on the list was a neat little bit of technical wizardry called Foxsaver which allows you to have a screen saver type slide show of your pictures (or a stream of pictures from the web) right smack bang in the middle of your FireFox window. If...

Shite. With a capital S. If you have an hour and a half of your life to spare this week, or any other week for that matter, I would highly recommend that you do not spend it watching this movie. Starring Vin Diesel (The non-thinking mans Arnold Schwarzenegger) Babylon AD is so awful if I were given the choice of watching it again or sticking hot needles into my eyes I'd plum for the latter option safe in the knowledge that it would be the more productive way to spend my time.

I have, as is usual at about this time of the year, been coughing my lungs up due to a chest infection. As such I have been laid in my bed (I'd much prefer getting laid in my bed, believe me) every minute of the day in an attempt to shake it off. As such my life has been somewhat dull and uninteresting so I have had nothing to report to you all here. However, because of this I have had a lot of time to read and have piled my way through half a dozen or so books, watched several movies and spent at least six hours a day watching coverage of the Republican and Democratic conventions. Now lets get one thing clear here, I am in no way up to speed on the ins and outs of the American political system (Despite the fact I've read Alexis De Toqueville's " Democracy in America " and at least a dozen other books on how it works over the pond) and make no claims to be some kind of genius when it comes to politics, but in my opinion it looks like America may well be headed to...