Small video of some of the pictures from Florida.
Hope you enjoy it.
Showing posts with label Florida. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Florida. Show all posts
6/22/2008
6/19/2008
6/16/2008
In the immortal words of James Brown...
I'm back.
So, that's the holiday over and I'm back in Edinburgh. I was welcomed home by a pile of brown envelopes and enough junk mail to prevent me from opening my front door fully without resorting to a hefty kick. The brown envelopes are mostly from companies demanding money of some sort but they can kiss my rusty sheriffs badge until I can pay it. Fuck 'em if they don't like it.
I'm currently under the effects of jet lag which despite my propensity for lying in my bed all day isn't as much fun as it should be. A long lie in bed should be exactly that, a long lie, not some kind of weird inability to sleep until 9am and passing out like a squaddie on parade in 1oo° heat and waking up five hours later with a mouth so dry there are cacti growing on it.
Today I'll be mostly spending my time uploading the pictures from the holiday to mediafire so all you lot can look at them and think "Look, random people in sunshine." or whatever the hell it is you lot think. Fucked if I know, I'm too tired to rationalise at this moment.
Here's the link to the pics should you wish to look at them.
So, that's the holiday over and I'm back in Edinburgh. I was welcomed home by a pile of brown envelopes and enough junk mail to prevent me from opening my front door fully without resorting to a hefty kick. The brown envelopes are mostly from companies demanding money of some sort but they can kiss my rusty sheriffs badge until I can pay it. Fuck 'em if they don't like it.
I'm currently under the effects of jet lag which despite my propensity for lying in my bed all day isn't as much fun as it should be. A long lie in bed should be exactly that, a long lie, not some kind of weird inability to sleep until 9am and passing out like a squaddie on parade in 1oo° heat and waking up five hours later with a mouth so dry there are cacti growing on it.
Today I'll be mostly spending my time uploading the pictures from the holiday to mediafire so all you lot can look at them and think "Look, random people in sunshine." or whatever the hell it is you lot think. Fucked if I know, I'm too tired to rationalise at this moment.
Here's the link to the pics should you wish to look at them.
6/05/2008
You might be a redneck....
We'd stopped to fill up the cars as we drove from Tampa to Miami. My sister was driving one car and my dad was driving the other. I'd been designated gas monkey so I filled the car that my dad was in and then began to fill the other car. Sarah rolled down the window of the car and began speaking in a redneck accent.
"If'n y'all clean ma windshield I'mma gonna give y'all a dollah." She said.
"A whole dollah? Why I'd do damn neah anythang for a dollah missy." I replied.
"Well if'n y'all clean ma windshield wif yo boobs I'mma give you five dollahs and if you jump up on heah and clean ma windshield wif yo ass I'mma gonna give y'all ten dollahs."
From there on in it continued...
"Hoo-eee missy. I'd like to introduce y'all to ma wife and sistah. That's her right over theah."
"Mah little girl is so talented, she can sing real good out both her mouths."
"I got's me three kids, one of each."
"I'm real proud of my kids, I'm always asking them to gimme six."
When the gas pump finished I went into the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. Sarah pulled the car in behind the other car and as I passed I knocked on the passenger window. Cousin Angie rolled the window down and I spoke.
"A'hm real sorry missy but ah caint do y'all windscreen. Mah mantitties are lactatin."
"If'n y'all clean ma windshield I'mma gonna give y'all a dollah." She said.
"A whole dollah? Why I'd do damn neah anythang for a dollah missy." I replied.
"Well if'n y'all clean ma windshield wif yo boobs I'mma give you five dollahs and if you jump up on heah and clean ma windshield wif yo ass I'mma gonna give y'all ten dollahs."
From there on in it continued...
"Hoo-eee missy. I'd like to introduce y'all to ma wife and sistah. That's her right over theah."
"Mah little girl is so talented, she can sing real good out both her mouths."
"I got's me three kids, one of each."
"I'm real proud of my kids, I'm always asking them to gimme six."
When the gas pump finished I went into the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. Sarah pulled the car in behind the other car and as I passed I knocked on the passenger window. Cousin Angie rolled the window down and I spoke.
"A'hm real sorry missy but ah caint do y'all windscreen. Mah mantitties are lactatin."
6/04/2008
American TV is designed to distract
the masses from ever discovering that the politicos are busy selling the future down the river.
Short bursts of programming, interspersed with quick fire advert breaks, make up the majority of American TV. Because of this the average American seems to me to have the attention span of a dead goldfish and the intelligence to match.
A couple of days ago we stayed in a motel at cocoa beach where, due to an excessive consumption of Myers's dark rum, I got to talking to one. Firstly he started on the "Rag heads" then moved on to "Slopes" and finished with a rousing double barrelled denouncement of the "Camel Jockeys" and "Niggers."
It took me all my time not to let loose with a volley of insults but for all I knew he may have had easy access to a firearm and may have taken things the wrong way. My shock at the lack of respect for any race, colour or creed led me to think that we had inadvertently stumbled into Cracker Central.
Things like this could lead me to think that all Americans are ill informed, ignorant idiots that do not appreciate the basic rights that they proudly claim to have. And that would be wrong. Not only because it is wrong to tar a whole populace with the same brush but because I know quite a few Americans and they have all been wonderful, witty and welcoming people.
The ironic thing was that less than fifteen feet away a lesbian and her wife to be were celebrating the fact that they were to be married the following day and Bubba-Joe Fuckwit didn't bat an eyelid.
Short bursts of programming, interspersed with quick fire advert breaks, make up the majority of American TV. Because of this the average American seems to me to have the attention span of a dead goldfish and the intelligence to match.
A couple of days ago we stayed in a motel at cocoa beach where, due to an excessive consumption of Myers's dark rum, I got to talking to one. Firstly he started on the "Rag heads" then moved on to "Slopes" and finished with a rousing double barrelled denouncement of the "Camel Jockeys" and "Niggers."
It took me all my time not to let loose with a volley of insults but for all I knew he may have had easy access to a firearm and may have taken things the wrong way. My shock at the lack of respect for any race, colour or creed led me to think that we had inadvertently stumbled into Cracker Central.
Things like this could lead me to think that all Americans are ill informed, ignorant idiots that do not appreciate the basic rights that they proudly claim to have. And that would be wrong. Not only because it is wrong to tar a whole populace with the same brush but because I know quite a few Americans and they have all been wonderful, witty and welcoming people.
The ironic thing was that less than fifteen feet away a lesbian and her wife to be were celebrating the fact that they were to be married the following day and Bubba-Joe Fuckwit didn't bat an eyelid.
Kennedy Space Centre...
Rocket Engine.
Command Module.
The Obelisk. (What this has to do with NASA is beyond me.)
A video display about Mars.
Space Shuttle replica.
Rocket.
Space Shuttle and Rocket Boosters.
NASA Badge.
Command Module.
Model of Rocket.
JFK NASA building.
Another Rocket.
6/03/2008
6/01/2008
This post is brought to you in association with...
American TV.
I'm sitting in the Villa watching TV. The women have gone shopping and my old man, my brother and the boys have gone to play tennis at the clubhouse.
Have you tried the all new and improved Gatorade? Containing hydrocyclotenes, to provide you with all the valuable nutrients your body needs, the all new Gatorade comes in three flavours and is available at your local store. If your local store does not stock the all new gatorade call 1-800 GETNEWGATOR.
I'm sitting in the Villa watching TV. The women have gone shopping and my old man, my brother and the boys have gone to play tennis at the clubhouse.
Advertisment break.
Have you tried the all new and improved Gatorade? Containing hydrocyclotenes, to provide you with all the valuable nutrients your body needs, the all new Gatorade comes in three flavours and is available at your local store. If your local store does not stock the all new gatorade call 1-800 GETNEWGATOR.
Back to regular programing.
Last night we took a trip to Seaworld for a couple of hours where I got to ride Kraken for the first time. Sheikra at Busch Gardens seemed to me like it would be hard to top but I was wrong. Kraken in Seaworld was ten times as much fun. Tonight we're going back for a few hours and I'll be attempting to ride Kraken as many times as possible. I managed four times last night and hope to get twice as many tonight.
Up, up and away!
There are some things you may only get one chance in your life to do. Seeing a shuttle launch is one of those things. Been there, done that. Honestly, there really aren't the words to describe the sight of a shuttle blasting towards space at a speed that you truly cannot comprehend.
We've all broken the speed limit on occasion. Many of us have even strayed into triple digits on occasion and have pushed the boundaries of both sense and state troopers. But very few of us have opened the throttle on a machine capable of producing enough thrust to break free of the earth and go directly vertical for 50 miles in less time than it takes to say "Holy Jeebus, would you look at the god-damned speed of that thing."
We've all broken the speed limit on occasion. Many of us have even strayed into triple digits on occasion and have pushed the boundaries of both sense and state troopers. But very few of us have opened the throttle on a machine capable of producing enough thrust to break free of the earth and go directly vertical for 50 miles in less time than it takes to say "Holy Jeebus, would you look at the god-damned speed of that thing."
Image (c) NASA.
5/29/2008
America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people. - Gloria Steinem
I have no idea who the hell Gloria Steinen is but as far as I'm concerned, she's right on the money.
**************************
Food isn't so much a passion here it's a pass time, and judging by the enormity of some of the larger people here, they take it very seriously. I fear for my life if should I lose concentration and stray into the no-mans land between a large two legged mammal and an all you can eat buffet. Shit, I'd rather get between a cow elephant and its young calf.
I'm not against fat people in general but there are people here who are pushing the limits. Not only of how big you can get but of physics in general. Some of these people have a mass so large they are in grave danger of collapsing in on themselves and becoming black holes.
The super massive can only survive for so long and whole swathes of Americans risk imploding violently. Which in itself may not be a bad thing. It's the innocent bystanders who happen to be within the area who will suffer the most. After all, they will be sucked off their feet and dragged inexorably towards their death.
A sudden rush of air whizzing past will be the first thing they feel. The next sign of impending doom will be animals flying past with confused looks on their faces. Cats and dogs are not designed for flight, nor are they equipped for it, and many an innocent will be killed by low flying Schnauzers and out of control Californian Spangles before things really get out of hand.
The wind speed will then increase and larger, more cumbersome, things will be hoovered towards the event horizon. Motorcycles and small Japanese cars will be quickly followed by the ramshackle homes that Bubba-Joe Inbred and his kind live in. Next will be town and country type vehicles filled with confused vacationers, then Range Rovers and within minutes school buses and Semi Trucks will follow.
After a few hours all that will remain of the once great country that was once known as the United States will be a series of massive holes. Which, ultimately, was the cause of it all.
The super massive can only survive for so long and whole swathes of Americans risk imploding violently. Which in itself may not be a bad thing. It's the innocent bystanders who happen to be within the area who will suffer the most. After all, they will be sucked off their feet and dragged inexorably towards their death.
A sudden rush of air whizzing past will be the first thing they feel. The next sign of impending doom will be animals flying past with confused looks on their faces. Cats and dogs are not designed for flight, nor are they equipped for it, and many an innocent will be killed by low flying Schnauzers and out of control Californian Spangles before things really get out of hand.
The wind speed will then increase and larger, more cumbersome, things will be hoovered towards the event horizon. Motorcycles and small Japanese cars will be quickly followed by the ramshackle homes that Bubba-Joe Inbred and his kind live in. Next will be town and country type vehicles filled with confused vacationers, then Range Rovers and within minutes school buses and Semi Trucks will follow.
After a few hours all that will remain of the once great country that was once known as the United States will be a series of massive holes. Which, ultimately, was the cause of it all.
As I'm from a place...
Where horizontal rain is the norm, I can't take this heat.
In fact if you show the average Scot a photograph of the sun they will ask what it is and immediately begin to burn like a pig on a spit roast. This is the reason that I am currently peeling as though I was a snake shedding its skin. And it's not just me either. My brother has been told by a doctor that he has developed sun poisoning and my dads stomach is redder than a baboons ass during mating season.
The air conditioning doesn't help either. Sure, it keeps you nice and cool when you are indoors but as soon as you step outside the heat hits you and you begin to think to yourself "I should have put deodorant on my scrotum."
In fact if you show the average Scot a photograph of the sun they will ask what it is and immediately begin to burn like a pig on a spit roast. This is the reason that I am currently peeling as though I was a snake shedding its skin. And it's not just me either. My brother has been told by a doctor that he has developed sun poisoning and my dads stomach is redder than a baboons ass during mating season.
The air conditioning doesn't help either. Sure, it keeps you nice and cool when you are indoors but as soon as you step outside the heat hits you and you begin to think to yourself "I should have put deodorant on my scrotum."
5/28/2008
just a few random pictures from Florida...
To keep y'all happy for the moment until I can find the time to write up some words for you.
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