What a Cnut.

The UK is world renowned for it's disappointing medals tally in any kind of sports event. Put plain and simply, we're the team that's bordering on being admitted to the special Olympics because we're seen as a charity case. But no longer. We're now top of the European Cocaine abuser league table . That's a thing to be proud of.

Born in Jamaica. I'm currently choked with the cold as the winter weather has kicked in here in Scotland. We've had the first snow and the first failure of the council to get the gritting lorries out. Why is it that without fail every year the entire country grinds to a halt as soon as the first snowflake hits the ground? I mean it's not like it's not expected. People all around the country can't start a conversation without mentioning the weather so how the fuck is it that the gritters aren't out? Scotland gets snow, everyone knows this. It's par for the course. It could snow here in July for fucks sake...

God called last orders on George Best this week. It was also the week that saw 24 hour boozing. Ironic huh? I'm not old enough to remember George at his best but I am old enough to have seen him play. And I once did see him play. I also got a Christmas card from him. Well, kinda... I can't remember what year it was, when my dad took me to Easter Road stadium to see Hibernian FC play some other equally poor Scottish football club, but I do remember being amazed when the teams emerged from the tunnel and George Best ran onto the pitch... Women screamed, old men murmured about how they were watching a legend play at Easter road, and kids my age dreamed of playing alongside him in a Hibs jersey. At the end of the game my dad and I walked around to the players entrance to await George coming out, so I could ask him for his autograph, but he never emerged. My dad asked one of the door stewards how long he reckoned George would be and the steward replied that Mr Best had left the cl...

Since the last time I posted anything on here for you all to pick over like vultures on a rotting monkey carcass. But there is good reason, my friends, very good reason indeed. Occasionally, I get a bit introverted and depressed. (Regular readers will have noticed this. You're a very perceptive bunch.) It's been one of those months for me. The original reason for the depression is forgotten now, but a catalyst for it was asking myself how I would feel if someone I love was hit by cancer. Or some other debilitating disease. I came to very few conclusions; I've never been all that good at hypothetical questions, as I can't know how I'd deal with something like that happening to one of my family, or indeed someone whom I consider a friend, until it is a reality. That's a reality I never want to have to deal with in my life. Ever. Period. If just thinking about how I'd deal with something like that can floor me for a couple of weeks how on Gods green and blue wo...

A woman lies in a hospital bed riddled with cancer. Her daughter sits at her bedside and feels pain for which there is no known cure, like the thing that eats at her mothers body. And my heart breaks. I've never met either woman, but, this does not make a bit of difference.

It's been said that in order to be a halfway decent writer you have to write about what you know. Problem is, I know nothing worth writing about.

In the heart or in the head? Personally I think I'm dead in the heart department more than in the head. I read too much to be dead in the head. But the heart? That's a different kettle of fish. It began one sunny day at a harbor not far from where I used to work. That was the day my heart was shattered. Her name isn't important, her actions were. Did her choice break me? Was her breaking my heart the thing that set me off on this path that I'm on? Fucked if I know. But I'm damn sure that her actions were the catalyst for me slowly, but surely, losing my ability to love. I know that may sound a tad melodramatic but it is honestly how I feel. No bullshit.

Isn't happening. Ever. Get over it. The short story I was trying to write has been scrapped. I've no ideas as to how it can continue. Should any of you lot out there in webland feel that it should continue then leave a comment saying why and I may attempt to do something with it.

And smell the coffee... It's been a week of dreams for me this week. And by that I don't mean that this week seen the fulfillment of my hopes and desires, I mean I've slept a lot. Fuck knows why. I haven't been any more tired than usual. I've just been sleeping lots. 18 hours on Monday, followed by a further 14 on Tuesday, then 12 and a half hours on Wednesday. Thursday was the only day when I slept less than a disgusting amount of hours, coming in at 6 hours. Friday was another 12 and a half hours. Eileen, who I work beside, made the suggestion that it may have been because the clocks went back an hour last week and my body is reacting to the nights drawing in and the days getting shorter. Personally I think she was talking piss. Should I figure out why I slept so much I'll let you know.

"Do not be afraid." Said the alien, just as Johnny's legs gave up doing their job of keeping him upright and he crumpled to the floor of the spaceship. "You may lose the use of your body for a short time." Said the alien. Johnny's body felt as though it had turned to jelly. Johnny tried to say something but all that came out of his mouth was nonsense. "Multiverse travel can have this effect on most prime species." Said the alien. This made johnny feel a lot better. "Some of them even regain the use of their bodies after the shock to the system that multiverse travel produces." The alien continued. Johnny panicked and tried to scream. More nonsense came from his mouth but it gradually became a loud scream. Johnny felt a bit silly and stopped screaming. His body began to become part of him again and he sat up. "Thanks for the warning." He said to the alien, as he tried to find a comfortable position to sit in. He had pins and need...

The alien moved across the ship and waved his hand at a wall panel. A large rectangular shape with a small depression in it emerged out of the middle of the floor. "What's that?" Asked Johnny. "It is where I sit." Said the alien, bemused by the fact that Johnny didn't know what a seat was. "Would you like to go anywhere?" asked the alien. "I should be getting home soon." Said Johnny, remembering his mothers warnings not to stay out too late. "My mom doesn't like me being late and I'm not supposed to go anywhere with strangers." "Your mother is very wise to tell you this." Said the alien. "My genetic code giver always said to me that there's a lot of nasty things in the Multiverse that will steal you and eat your legs so that you cannot run away." "Are you going to eat my legs?" Asked Johnny, as he dropped to the floor and sat on his legs so that the alien couldn't eat them. "No,...

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Here's a nice way to waste a couple of hours. YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

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The alien spoke again. "Donut be all fried." "Pardon me?" Said Johnny, unsure of what the alien meant. "Dew night be a frayed" Said the alien, wondering why Johnny was having problems understanding his own language. (This had happened before while the alien was attempting to communicate with a new Planet. All kinds of mayhem had been brought about by the alien after it had visited a planet in the Two Suns Solar System and had mispronounced the words for "I come in peace" and had ended up saying "I am here to make you into small parts." The Alien remembered being brought in front of the council when it had returned to its home planet and being questioned as to how a simple L & I (land and introduce) had ended up with the destruction of twenty-three planets after a war that lasted a thousand years.) "Do you mean, do not be afraid?" Said Johnny, interrupting the aliens train of thought. "Yarse. Do not be afraid." R...

It's My own personal google . It's vain and egocentric I know, but I like it.