Now that I'm off the dole...

I can get back into work mode and let all those poor unfortunate fuckers that are rotting away in A4E how to get the hell out of there and do something more productive.

So, how do you get yourself out of A4E? Simple. Just get up and walk on out the door. That's all there is to it. And how is this possible? Well, allow me to explain. Firstly A4E is not a government program that must be attended in order to get benefits. It's basically a way for the government to fiddle the books on the number of unemployed.

I was sent to A4E by the benefits office (And actually attended several times before I decided that I had had enough of the horseshit that was involved in doing so.) as I had been unemployed for more than six months. And this is where the government fiddle comes into play.

You know all the reports that the government likes to shove in the direction of the news agencies? (I'm assuming you do or you wouldn't be reading this.) Well they're all bullshit. That's right kids, the government lies in order to hide the truth. And how do they do this? They send you and others to places like A4E and adjust the figures to make it appear that you and others are no longer on the dole and drawing unemployment benefits.

Once you are at A4E the pressure upon you to fill out application forms is more direct than it is when you only have to apply for a couple of jobs a week in order to keep the benefits office at bay. (According to your jobseekers agreement that you sign you are required to apply for a minimum of two jobs per week or your benefits may be stopped.) And at A4E they have you as a captive audience where they can monitor you on a tighter basis.

You'll notice after a few days at A4E that there is a lot more pressure to apply for jobs and employers even turn up and interview you at the A4E offices. Fair enough the jobs on offer are not the type of job you either want, or are suitable for, but that's not the point. It's all about getting shot of you so the government can do the old wham bam flim flam on the news agencies and make it look like they are making a difference.

And therein lies the truth about A4E. It's all smoke and mirrors folks. Fuck em and the boat they paddled up shit creek in. Do yourself a favour and get out of there before it's too late. Or stay and end up working as a security guard on minimum wage and struggling to make ends meet while the fucker who set you up in the first place draws in a salary on the other side of £25 large, has a decent pension and drives a BMW to work.

Here endeth the lesson.

*Please note, no responsibility will be taken by me for you having your benefits stopped should you choose to leave A4E. If you want my advice on how to get the dole off your back do this... Get a job that you can bear until you get a job you want. Good luck.

Update...

Like I mentioned earlier the guff for my creative writing course arrived last Saturday.

Last night I sent off the first assignment to be critiqued by my tutor.

It probably should have taken more than a week to do, given that the timetable set by the college is something like five weeks, but I found it to be easier than I expected and was able to rattle through it at a fair old rate and still make it as good as I could have.

Part two of the course is slightly more challenging but still nowhere near as difficult as I initially thought it would be. In it I am given six topics and have to submit 250 words about two of them to the tutor. But as I am resolved to challenging myself more than the course seems to be I've decided to write 250 words about all of the subjects presented to me, if only for the practise and to keep me writing.

The most interesting thing about the course is that I have evolved into a student type person. I went to the local supermarket and spent more time in the stationary aisle eyeing up pencil cases, trying to decide if I needed a ruler and which notepad I should buy than I did actually doing my shopping.

Should I be worried? Is this the first step on the slippery slope to buying a pen that can write in four different colours, buying a pair of corduroys and metamorphosing into someone who looks like a supply teacher?

I hope not. I've never been a fan of tweed with elbow patches, I think anyone who wears a cravat should be shot and quite frankly I'd look bloody stupid smoking a pipe.