...

It's 4:32am and once again sleep is eluding me. I've thought about going for a walk to the park across the road but I always feel that the people on their way to start an early shift judge me for playing on the swings.

There are generally only two kinds of adults who play in swing parks in the wee hours and neither is the kind you want to deal with in the early morning.

The first type is the drunken man who is on his way home after a night on the tiles. Generally affable and good humoured the drunk, upon seeing you, will ask if you want to play with them. Memories of The Bad Man are forced to the front of the mind of the passerby and more often than not they take to their heels without a second thought. Trust me, I know this from having been both these people in the past.

The other type is the most dangerous. The female drunk. Avoid this person at all costs. Do not attempt conversation of any kind and never approach them. If you're lucky the least you'll get away with from asking if she's OK is a slap in the face and the worst is either a) An irritating itch in the groin area b) Syphilis or c) a fifteen year stretch at her Majesty's pleasure.

Personally I fit into a class of my own when it comes to early morning swing park ventures. I'm the type who knows that all the worries in the world can be shunted from your mind by having the wind blow through your hair.

Which is exactly the reason I'm off to play in the swing park...