On a bus...

-
..."So I was like, naw. And she was like, Aye. And I was like, away and fuck off radge. And she was like, aye d'ye think so? And I was like, aye ah fucking know so. And she was like, Dinnae think so. And I was like, you'd better fuck off or I'll glass yeh ya fuckin whore. And she was like, calling me a whore aye? And I was like, aye ah um ya manky wee slag. And she was like, ootside then ya tart. And I was like, C'moan then bitch. And she was like, 'moan then. And I was like, 'moan then. And she was like, 'moan then. And I was like, right now then. And she was like, 'moan then. And I was like, ootside then radge. And she was like, 'moan then."

It was at this point in the conversation between the two teenage girls that I felt I should interject. I tapped the girl who was speaking on the shoulder and she turned her head around and said, "What?"

"If you insist on talking," I said, "Please, do everyone a favour and do it somewhere else. If I hear "And she was like" one more time I'll punch you in the back of the head so hard that the only thing "you'll be like" is a coma victim."

For the rest of the journey it was extremely quiet.

Comments

Divemaster GranDad said…
And here in SA, they have such fun to look forward to...once the Govt gets its unionised finger out and actually puts a public transport system in place that works for everyone... :-)
8:35 am
Anonymous said…
Shit man, I so miss the late and great night buses of Edinburgh,there was always endless fun to be had......you want a fight. no problem ,some bawbag at the back will help, you want a boiled sweet, no problem ,some cute old deer who smells a bit like Tynecastles lavs will help. you want a bit pash, no problem..well not if your into some wee crack skank with red bits on her arms.ahh the memories.
how are you buddy???????Dougie H
4:09 pm
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On the subject of...

-
Breasts. Tits. Hooters. Funbags. Chats. Boobs. Jigglies. Bazookas. Floppily doppilys. Ho-ho's. Call 'em what you will. Personally I'm in favour of the epithet Juggs. It's such a heartwarming word don't you think? And so it should be. It describes such heartwarming things. And not just heartwarming either, I for one know that they don't just warm my heart. But, let's not get into that. It wouldn't be a pretty picture to implant in your minds. There was a woman in the club tonight that had a pair of juggs so large it looked like she was smuggling 747 nosecones. The words that came out of my mouth when I saw her sitting were "Holy fuck, would you check out the puppies on her!" Seriously, these were huge. But not overly huge, they weren't Lolo Ferrari huge, 'cos that's just wrong no matter how you paint it. These were all natural, god made pillows of fun that caught my eye, not to mention other parts of my anatomy, and I couldn't ta...
Read more

Open for questions.

-
I've decided to make this blog a bit more accessible to all you lovely people out there in webland.. Should you have any questions you'd like me to answer then feel free to drop me a line and I'll post the questions and answers on here for you all to enjoy.
Read more

Shiny shiny shiny...

-
So, there I was sitting at my desk watching A Clockwork Orange on DVD when the phone rang. In my usual style I picked it up and said the first thing that popped into my head. "Bonjour, l'hotel grand." I said, in my best French accent. (Which to be honest sounds a bit like Peter Sellars as Inspector Clouseau.) "Hello, can I speak to Ross Douglas." The voice on the other end of the phone said. "Speaking." I said, somewhat warily as I'm still wanted by the police in london. "This is ***** at the ******** ****** hotel. I've just received your application for the position of barman and I was wondering if you could come in for a little chat." The voice continued. "Sure, when would be the best time?" I said. "How about Thursday? Is that Ok with you?" The voice continued. "Thursday's fine with me. What time?" I asked. "How about 5pm?" Said the voice. "Sure, I'll be there." I said and p...
Read more