Random comedy skit.

This scene opens in an average house. A sofa, upon which an amorous couple sit, is in full view.

The couple are in the early stages of passion.

FX: Door bell.

Man (John): "Damn, there's someone at the door.

Woman (Betty): "Ignore it, they'll go away."

John and Betty resume their embrace.

FX: Door bell.

John: (Annoyed) "I'll have to answer it."

John gets up, much to the chagrin of Betty, and goes to answer the door.

Cut to Front door.

John opens the door and finds the smiling, friendly face of a man who is quite clearly drunk.

John: (Slightly perturbed but not wanting to cause offense) "Can I help you?"

Drunk: (Slurring his words) "Hello there, I've just moved in to the house opposite and I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of coffee."

John: (Not wanting to seem rude) "Yes, certainly, I'll be right back."

John closes the door in the face of the drunk and runs to the kitchen. He opens a cupboard and grabs a full jar of coffee. He runs back to the door, opens it to find the drunk rubbing his nose as though he has recently been hit in the face with a door. John forces the jar of coffee into the hand of the drunk, closes the door (FX: someone being hit in the face with a door) and runs back to the sofa.

Betty: "Who was it?"

John: (Breathless) "A new neighbor... He wanted to borrow some coffee."

Betty: "Not that I was interested very much, I just wanted to know what the plot was in this skit. Now if you don't mind I'd like to get back to the heavy petting."

John and Betty resume their passionate embrace.

FX: Door bell.

John (Annoyed) "Oh for F..."

Betty: (Sharply) "Language please, there might be children watching this skit."

John gets up and goes to the door.

John opens the door to find the drunken neighbor.

Drunk: "Sorry to bother you again... Can I borrow some sugar."

John slams the door and runs to the kitchen.

FX: Door hitting someone in the face.

John opens a cupboard, grabs a full bag of sugar and runs back to the door. The drunk is rubbing his forehead.

John roughly hands the bag of sugar to the drunk, closes the door and returns to the sofa.

Betty: "Isn't the plot to this skit a bit easily worked out?"

John: "Never mind that just now, the director wants me to get your blouse off before the end of it, he says it'll improve the married male demographic."

Betty: (Lustfully) "Oh John, I love it when you talk advertising!"

John leaps onto the sofa and they resume their passion.

FX: Door bell.

Betty: "Quick... Answer the door and I'll get my blouse off." (Aside) "Purely to satisfy the male demographic you understand."

John runs to the door to find the drunken neighbor with a bandage on his head and blood soaked cotton wool in his nostrils.

John: (Angrily) "What?"

Drunk: "Can I borrow some milk?"

John slams the door and runs to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, grabs a pint of milk and slams the fridge door shut. The fridge door falls off.

John runs back to the front door, shoves the bottle of milk into the drunks hand and slams the door. (FX: Door closing.)

Drunk: (Muffled) "Oww, my hand"

John runs back to the sofa to find Betty with her blouse off.

Betty: (excitedly) "Take off your shirt."

John: (Hopefully) "Is it to increase the female demographic?"

Betty: "No, it's to prevent feminists from writing in to the complaints department and accusing the channel of sexism."

John rips his shirt off.

John: "I'd hate to lose the feminist fan base I've built up on my webpage."

Betty: "I really must get one of those."

John: "My agent says it's really helped my potential earnings."

Betty: (Lustfully) "I love it when you tell me about your potential"

John leaps onto the sofa. They resume their passion.

FX: Door bell.

John leaps up and runs to the door. The neighbor has a bandaged hand.

Drunk: "Got any hot water?"

John punches the drunken neighbor in the face.

John: (Loudly) "Will you please just fuck off!"

Betty appears at the door behind John and peers over his shoulder at the neighbor.

Betty: "Talk about adding insult to injury..."