Showering at 3am is probably not good neighbour relations but, after lying in bed for three hours now and not drifting into the land of nod, the time has become irrelevant to me now.
Cigarettes, and a strange scrabbling noise from the windowsill of the bedroom possibly caused by a roosting pigeon, are my only distractions from the thoughts that buzz around in my head like a swarm of malicious bees hell-bent on keeping me awake.
Soft music has failed me tonight. There is no point in using music to drift away when the lyrics only cause more random thoughts to pop into my head.
"God Dammit! Why won't you let me get some sleep." I curse, to only myself and the thing that is making the noise on the windowsill. There is no reply from the thing and the only thought that passes through my mind is "Exactly who are you talking to?"
2 comments:
E. Tolle discusses this in his book "A New World". What is this voice that sometimes keeps us awake, berates us, scares us, tells us we are not good enough, etc...? It's usually not our best friend. I dont remember when that voice told me that I was perfect just the way I was. He says we are 2 people in one. The ego is the voice that keeps us from being our best self. The other voice is the one we are born with and is more innocent and kinder but gets drowned out by criticism, self-doubt brought on by well intentioned parents, teachers, etc... He gives us tools to shut the ego up to help us find our real voice that is supposed to be our friend or in other words, our soul. He says if you try and follow the voice of your soul you will find peace and happiness. I am still working on it. I will stop now before I bore you to death. Women like to read that stuff. Yeah you are right, there is something wrong with me. I am still trying to find a meaning to life and why is there so much unhappines out there? If I find the answer I will let you know. In the meantime I will try to laugh at just about anything!
A2Z,
I got a hold of a copy of E Tolle's book on audiotape but haven't had a chance to listen to it.
There's something wrong with all of us. We're all fucked one way or another.
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