As you asked...

Here's the creative writing gig nonsense...

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(This first exercise was to rewrite a passage on a character named Dennis, a likeable pupil in a classroom, in a negative light.)

Away from school, in the pub most of the teachers called him Dennis the Menace.
More often than not I simply called him “You boy.”
“You boy, come here at once…
“You boy, no running…
“You boy, are in serious trouble…
“You boy, will amount to nothing in life…

On one occasion I had threatened to call him an ambulance to take him home. The cheeky little sot merely pointed out that an ambulance wasn’t the kind of vehicle likely to take someone home. “Rather more likely to take me to a hospital I’d say.” He quipped, to the amusement of his classmates.

I couldn’t stand the petulant little fart but in less than two years he would be gone from my life forever more and I would be rid of him. Of course, there would always be a Dennis of some sort to deal with. Their names may be different but on the inside they were all fundamentally Dennis.

On my first day at the school I had been warned about Dennis by a couple of the other teachers but I laughed it off and said no child would ever get the better of me. How wrong I was, I had no idea.

Initially I put Dennis’ anti social behaviour down to a lack of self confidence, bravado is often the camouflage of the timid, and attempted to correct this through careful nurturing and guidance. Later I realised that my labour was in vain and that occasionally you had to let them go or the rest of the class suffered. Teaching could be cruel like that sometimes.

At first it seemed like I was getting through to him, he was attentive and engaged whenever I took the time to talk with him, but I was soon to learn that Dennis was a breed apart and had merely used the time to garner information about me that he could use as ammunition if he ever needed it.

When the joyous day of Dennis’ departure from the school came little did I realise he would become the benchmark by which I measured a pupils teach-ability. I found myself rating students on a scale, as a scientist measures the viscosity of a substance, so I measured petulant pupils by their Denniscosity.

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The following exercise involved coming up with character names, one serious one not so serious.

[1] Names of characters.

1. (An old lady born 1920's) Lady Hill - Margaret-Anne
2. (An old man born 1930's) Norman Fielding - Friendly Fielding
3. (A poodle) Frenchie - Master Françoise
4. (A German Shepherd) Prince - Teeth
5. (A weak, mother dominated man) Jason Simm - Sympathy Simm
6. (A strong bossy woman) Maureen McCain - Mother Mo McCain
7. (A strict teacher) Mrs Cloquet - Coquette Cloquet
8. (The perfect heroine) Sophia Jansen - SJ
9. (The imperfect hero) John Grant - Diesel Grant
10. (A newspaper seller) Andrew Willard - Andy W

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This exercise was to write a first paragraph for certain settings.

Setting.

1. (Happy, contented children)

The nursery was filled with toys of all shapes and sizes. A large rainbow mural was painted on the sky blue walls. A half finished puzzle lay on the floor next to a shining metal robot that was catching the rays of the morning sun that streamed through the bay windows, overlooking the large walled garden.

2. (Elderly, lonely spinster)

The air in most of the rooms of the house was so cold that anyone going in them would be able to see their breath; Not that anyone ever went in them. The heating worked but it cost too much to put on so Margaret-Anne lived in the easily heated room above the kitchens of the hotel below.
Her only company these days was the mouldy furred feline that was known as “Cat” and the television presenters that she talked to occasionally. Long gone were the endless parties of her youth when she was the focal point of many village gatherings where her dance card was never empty.

3. (Teenage boy or girl)

They called it The Bends. It was nothing more than an abandoned railway station to the local adults but to us kids it was the only place to hang out. There was an old bridge to shelter under when it rained and plenty of places to hide your cigarettes if you couldn‘t take them home because of nosey brothers, sisters or parents. At weekends there was enough cider and cheap vodka to sink a battleship and anyone could get a hold of weed if they asked the right people.
Not everyone that went there went for the drinking and smoking, some just went because there was nowhere else to go. The community centre had been closed by the council for health and safety reasons and the village hall was where pensioners played 10p bingo and chased the dream of winning the raffle.

4. (Bank manager at work)

The slats of the blinds that hung over the windows created a disconcerting effect to anyone who entered. The large antique desk, with its heavily polished wood and well worn green leather inlay, was also a formidable barrier between the bank manager and anyone who was called into the office.
The intimidating surroundings of the room were only softened by the bank manager himself. He was a portly man with a slightly receding hairline and a jolly demeanour that always shone through the well cut suits that he wore.

5. (Young woman on holiday alone)

The small villa, with its picturesque views over the bay, was the perfect place to forget. It immediately felt like the kind of place where she could empty her mind and not spend her time thinking of him. Within minutes of the taxi dropping her off at the gates her memory had stopped tormenting her and peace had settled upon her soul.
The knowledge of his indiscretion was still in her mind but the sound of the waves lapping on the shore beat back the little voice with their gentle susurration. This was surely somewhere she could centre herself and think about her future.

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This exercise was to write a few paragraphs using a character and a setting of my choosing.


Sophia sat on the balcony, drinking a cup of jasmine tea and watching the large rollers make their way towards the shore. It had been two months since she first arrived but the pain was still as fresh in her mind as it had been the moment she had found out about Simon and his secretary.
Sheltered from the baking sun beneath the overhang of the balcony roof she pondered how she had arrived at this point in her life.
After leaving high school with very few qualifications she realised that a good education was the key to a better life and had enrolled in college where she took a course in economics and accounting. Working two jobs to pay for her education had been difficult but nowhere near as difficult as putting up with the harassment from her manager.
Three years later she graduated with the highest grade in her class and soon after got a job in a local accounting firm. Working her way up through the ranks she soon became a full partner in the firm and was pulling in more than a hundred thousand pounds a year.

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This excerise was to come up with connotations.

1. Rolls Royce.

Powerful, Garish, Overbearing, Tacky, Leather, Smooth, Languorous, Red Carpet, Chauffeur, Presidential, Britishness, Prestigious.

2. Coal.

Dirty, Fossilised, Fuel, Hard, Dense, Scuttle, Coalman, Miner, Pit, Shaft, Coal Face, Seam.

3. Fish and Chips.

Greasy, Warm, Salt, Sauce, Newspaper, Windblown, Pickled Onions, Smell, Seaside, Deep Fried, Cod, Haddock, Vinegar, Batter, Crispy.

4. Diamonds.

Hard, Cutting, Luminescent, Attractive, Shiny, Expensive, Tasteless, Hypnotic, Pressure, Carbon, Fake, Cubit Zirconium, Robbery, Koh-I-Noor, Girls Best Friend, Gemstones, Pearlescent, Lustrous, Stars.

5. Net Curtains.

Billowing, Lace, Patterned, Patina, Veil Like, Secretive, Furtive Glances, Nosey Neighbours.

6. Red.

Angry, Embarrassed, Shamed, Ferrari, Intense, Balloon, Heat, Burning, Flame, Violent, Blood, Roses, Vibrant, Vivacious, Danger, Mad, Bloodshot.

7. Blue.

Sky, Cold, Deathly, Insipid, Oceanic, Football Scarves, Water, Police Box, Ribbon, Azure, Sadness, Depression.

8. Coal Fires.

Warm, Hearth, Hale, Comforting, Mantle, Ashes, Coal, Kindling, Soot, Chimney, Heat, Smouldering, Welcoming, Comfortable, Brass Bed Warmers, Cottages, Soothing, Magical.

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The following excerise was to write first sentences on the setting provided.

First Sentences.

1. The Golf Club Outing.

Willie was three sheets to the wind before the coach had even left the car park, despite warnings that he was being watched by the club secretary.

2. The Sinister House.

The foreboding look of the house was only heightened by the darkness of the late evening light.

3. The Celebration.

Streamers of every colour hung from the light shades as everyone tried to keep quiet so as not to give the surprise away.

4. Home at Last.

The reassuring squeak of the loose floorboard just inside the door let her know she was finally back in the comfort of her own home.

5. The Land of Plenty.

The grassy fields stretched as far as the eye could see, sweet welcoming fruit hung from the branches of the wild juniper bushes and proud, noble deer frolicked in the long, wild grasslands before them.

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And there you have it. The stories so far as it were.