I'll keep it short.

As I had very little sleep last night and will have even less tonight.

After going to bed at 7:30AM this morning and waking up at 11:30AM I decided that I wouldn't lie in my bed all day and would, instead, do something more productive with my time before work. The plan was; Grab a quick shower, throw on some clothes and head into gorgie to pay the rent and the electric bill and have a nice big fry up in the Koffee Pot cafe.

The plan lasted the length of time it took me to click the UGC website link in my favorites. Then it all went to fuck.

I spotted that there was a screening of Pirates of the Caribbean II on at the UGC at Fountain Park so I ditched the whole paying the rent and the electric bill thing and decided I would go and see the film instead.

Twenty minutes later I was in the queue for the screening with a smile on my face, a glint in my eye and some juice and munchies in my bag to save me from buying anything inside the cinema as the prices usually amount to something similar to a small countries national debt.

After sitting through the standard ten minutes of adverts and the ten minutes of previews the film began. After about a minute of the film starting a guy walked into the auditorium. Nothing unusual about that I thought, some people are often late in taking their seats.

I did however wonder why he chose to sit two seats away from me as there was an overabundance of better placed seats. But I let the thought pass. About five minutes I was back in the imaginary world of Captain Jack Sparrow. I sat watching the film, trying to let the fact that five teenage girls were talking to each other go over my head.

I ignored the girls and continued watching the movie. As a particularly dark part of the movie I spotted movement out the corner of my eye. It was the guy who had sat two seats away moving around in his seat. I thought nothing of this and continued watching the movie. Then I heard the click of the snap-closer of my backpack. Which was placed on the seat between the latecomer and myself.

I continued watching the film as casually as I could but kept a look out through the corner of my eye at my bag and the latecomers hands. As the next scene in the film was one of the darker lit ones the latecomer must have decided that this was his chance...

I watched out the corner of my eye as his hand slid into the side pocket of my backpack. I quickly ran through my options. Should I...

1. Cough discretely and move my bag.
   
2. Punch him in the head and tell him to get his thieving hands out my bag.
3. Leave him and see how far he goes before I do either of these things.

I decided to leave it for a few minutes as I knew that there was nothing in the pocket he had his hand in.

A couple of scenes later he was obviously getting more confident. I watched him pull my bag towards him very slowly. A few scenes later he had undone the front of my bag and was just about to insert his hand into it when I struck.

I whipped my hand out in the blink of an eye and grabbed his wrist through the material of my bag. He musn't have known I had been watching him as he gave a small yelp of surprise as my hand hit the bag and grabbed. I got a firm hold of his wrist and squeezed as hard as I could. I looked over at him and said in a calm and measured voice... "The next time your hand goes in my bag I'll knock your fucking teeth out."

He withdrew his hand and walked out of the auditorium without even apologizing. You just don't get proper thieves these days.

Oh, by the way...

If you want to see Pirates of the Caribbean II save yourself the money and wait until the third part is out in the cinema and rent part II on DVD. It's not that it isn't a good film, it just has the feeling of being a lead-up to part III.