Topical comedy skit.

Scene opens in a TV studio.

FX: Dramatic music plays over a spinning graphic displaying the station logo.

Cut to Newsreader.

Newsreader: "Good Afternoon and welcome to Sky news on the hour."

Cut to same Newsreader from a different angle.

FX: Dramatic music chord.

Newsreader: "Reports are coming in that a whale has been spotted in the river Thames. We take you live by satellite to the scene."

Cut to: satellite picture of the south of England.

Cut to: Newsreader.

Newsreader: "I apologize for the technical problems we seem to be having just now. Now we can cross over to the sky news helicopter which is hovering above the scene."

Cut to: Helicopter shot of the river Thames.

Newsreader (Voice over): "We are now showing you a shot of the Thames river, sadly the whale seems to be submerged at the moment."

Cut to: Newsroom.

The newsreader is standing with a cup of coffee in one hand and is smoking a cigarette. He drops the cup of coffee onto the floor and flicks the cigarette across the newsroom. He waves smoke away with his hand and trys to regain his composure.

Newsreader: (Slightly vexed) "On the line now we have an expert in whales, Dr David Daffyd Davies. Doctor Davies, what can you tell us about whales?"

Dr Davies (Voice over) "Well, it's a really beautiful scene here, the sky is bright and clear and there are a few tourists wandering around taking pictures."

Newsreader: (Confused) "And can you see the animal at all?"

Dr Davies: (Also confused) "Which animal?"

Newsreader: "The whale of course."

Dr Davies: "I'm not quite sure what you mean."

Newsreader: "The whale in the river Thames, can you see it?"

Dr Davies: "I very much doubt it. I'm halfway up mount Snowdon"

Newsreader: "I'm sorry, I seem to have been given the wrong information as to where you actually are. My apologies. Perhaps you can tell us a bit about the behavior of whales?"

Dr Davies: "It doesn't misbehave, if that's what you are implying. Admittedly the rugby fans can be a bit boisterous, but that's really just harmless fun."

Newsreader: (Very confused) "If I can just clarify Dr Davies, you are an expert on the behavior of marine animals such as the Blue whale, Porpoises and Dolphins?"

Dr Davies: "Whatever gave you that impression?"

Newsreader: "I was informed that you were an expert in the field of whales."

Dr Davies: "No, I'm a geologist. I'm in a field in Wales though if that's any help."

The newsreader, unaware that he is visible to the people watching the newscast, angrily mouths towards someone who is offscreen and quickly writes something on a piece of paper. He holds the paper up.

Cut to the newsreaders hand holding the piece of paper which has the word "TWAT!" written on it.

The newsreader puts his finger to his earpeice, realizes that he is on screen and quickly drops the paper and attempts to look at least slightly professional.

Newsreader (Attempting to make light of the incident) "Once again I must apologize to the viewers for the technical difficulties we seem to be suffering from just now. We can now cross over to our roving reporter Julia Smythe-Pilkington who is on the scene at the river Thames. Julia..."

Cut to the banks of the river Thames.

A female reporter is standing with a microphone in her hand.

Julia: "..And you can tell that shithead I told him no outside broadcasts during the winter months, this weather plays havoc with my botox."

Julia suddenly realizes that she is live on air and smiles widely.

Julia: "It's a beautiful day here on the banks of the Thames, intrigued office workers and tourists are standing in droves waiting for a sighting of the whale. People from all walks of life have gathered here to witness this rare occurrence."

Cut to newsroom:

Newsreader: "And what is the mood there Julia?"

Cut to Julia:

Julia: "The mood is one of wonder and fascination, people have their cameraphones out and are trying to get a picture of the animal when it surfaces. Children are being held aloft by their parents, taxi drivers have parked their cabs and there are even some Japanese tourists standing on tower bridge with harpoons.