I'm with the band.

How many of you have harbored dreams of being a rock and roll star? I'm willing to bet quite a lot of you have, at some point or another, stood in front of a mirror strumming away on a tennis racquet while imagining you're Keith Richards.

When I was younger I went one step further. I started my own band.

We were undoubtedly the smallest four piece band in the world, (there were only two of us.)
and we were named The Pigeons, due to the fact that our music teacher informing us that there was already a band named The Birds. (It wasn't until much later I discovered that the Byrds had a different spelling and that we could have used the name "The Birds" and could have lived quite happily making money from their dyslexic fans.)

Neither of us had any musical talent whatsoever and our repertoire consisted of mostly cover versions. The most memorable being a cover of John Lennon's classic Imagine.

"Imagine all the pigeons, crapping on peoples heads, yeah heah.
You may say that's a bummer,
But to us it's quite fun
Flying high above you and squirting out our bums."

...Was the chorus and the rest of the song was just as bad. But this didn't stop us from doing a gig. Fuck no, we were so confident in our abilities we would have stepped out in front of the largest audience in the world and would have taken the applause we so richly deserved (in our opinion).

I, somehow, managed to convince the local social worker to give us a spot in a local talent show. We were on second from last... (The last guy was a Shakin Stevens impersonator whose act consisted of nothing more than wearing a denim jacket with the collar turned up and moving his legs in the fashion of a newborn stork.) ...As we walked on to the stage I heard the thing that no artist wants to hear at the end of a concert, never mind the beginning, Boo's.

I walked proudly to the microphone and said "Ladies and gentlemen, We were the pigeons, Thank you and goodbye." And walked off as fast as I could.

(Due to artistic differences the band split up after this gig and The Pigeons were disbanded.)