Dice day.

http://www.lukerhinehart.net/

Having read Luke Rhineharts novel "The Dice Man" last week and finding it hilarious I decided that I should have a go at turning over some descions to the roll of a dice.

So I jumped on a bus and headed up the high street to the games workshop for a set of dice.

When I got to the shop I found the dice and decided that they should decide whether I should pay for them or not. I stepped up to the counter where the geeky looking gimp behind the counter stood engrossed in a comic book.

"Alright mate." I said
"Fine." he said looking up.
I placed the box of die on the counter.
"Care for a game of risk?" I asked.
"Pardon me?" He enquired.
I pulled my copy of the book from my bag and asked if he was familiar with the book. He said that he hadn't read the book but that he was familiar with the idea having seen a version of diceliving on the discovery channel a couple of years ago.
I explained to him that I was going to turn over the next 24 hours worth of descions to the dice. I opened the box of dice, removed one and said "If I roll odds I pay for these dice, if not you let me walk out without paying for them."
"Ok then." he said, breaking into a smile.

I took the small red die in my hand and gave it a shake.
"May the die be with you" I said as I let go of the die and watched as it spun and tumbled like, well, like a dice.

The dice clipped the corner of his comic book and spun off the counter and headed towards wherever physics decided it's final resting place was to be.

The assistant and I followed it, our eyes transfixed on it's path.
"Mind your feet, loose die" I said as it careered towards a group of teenagers who were hovering around the pewter figurines for the Lord of the Rings role playing game. As one they all looked down and stepped aside accordingly. The dice bumped off a display stand and slowly spun to a rest on the number three.
"That's four quid you owe me." Said the assistant as I bent down to retreive the dice from the floor.
I paid for the dice and headed back to the high street to get a bus to work.

I arrived at work and put the die to work straight away. I asked it if I should pretend to be sick so I could go home, No it said. I asked if I should be nice to everyone that I served it said, much to my chagrin, Yes. I asked if I should work very hard and not skive off and let the part timers do the work. No it said. I asked if it was serious. It said Yes.
Are you trying to annoy me I asked it. Yes it said.
"Damn." I said.

A regular at the club, Chris, came to the bar and asked for two pints of Millers and a can of Irn Bru. As I was pouring the millers I asked if he was a gambling man at all. "Sometimes." he replied.
I explained how the dice worked and asked if he was willing to stake the price of his order on the roll of a dice. "Ok then."
I took odd numbers, he got evens, and rolled the dice. A three. "arse!" I said as I reached for my wallet. "Thanks for the beers Ross." he said as he walked away.

"Ross" said a female voice, two minutes later.
I looked around the bar in every direction apart from the one I knew the voice to be coming from, "God, is that you?" I said with mischief in my mind.
"Over here Ross." said the voice.
I turned and saw Chris' wife, Laura, standing at the bar.
"Yes laura?" I asked.
"Did you just pay for those drinks?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"The dice told me too." I replied.
"Pardon me?"
"The dice told me too."
"I'm not with you..." She stated.
I reached below the counter and got a hold of the book. I explained the general idea to her and she looked at me with a curious look on her face. "Ross," she said "you are without doubt the most eccentric person I have ever met."
"Thank you." I said, smiling at the thought that I had officially become "eccentric".

Later on in the evening I was walking around the club and went outside to check that the veiwing gallery and scoreboards were all locked. The door to the scoreboard was wide open.
I drew my dice from my pocket and asked if I was to put something offensive on the scoreboard for the pensioners to see in the morning. "YES" it said.

The next morning a group of 70-80 year old men walked onto the green and saw "FUCK YOU ALL" in foot high lettering on the scoreboard.