What a Cnut.

Today was a spectacular day in the life and times of our hero, the Right Honorable Dr Ross Douglas (B.n.g A.o.h) Monsters were battled with and slain, maidens fair swooned at his feet and the Powers That Be were dealt a blow from which they may never recover. Thanks to the author of this blog knowing our Hero on a personal level there now follows a description of the day through his eyes... The sun streamed through my bedroom and woke me. A quick glance at the digital clock informed me it was 11:23 and I dragged my body into an upright position. I coughed and cleared the lump of guff from the top of my lungs and reached for my cigarettes. I staggered through to the toilet and took a piss as I lit my first cigarette of the day. I shook the dribbles from my dick and took a look at myself in the mirror. The Little Voice that resides in my head spoke to me. "You really should finish cleaning the house you know." It said. "FUCK OFF!" I screamed at my reflection, hoping t...

I've decided to spend most of this week reading. Lyndsay "With an I" Brown ( Who you can visit by clicking here ) came into work at the club on Saturday night with eight books for me to read. Plus I've still to plough my way through Descartes, Freud and Darwin so it's into the pages I shall sink. The books Lyndsay "With an I" brought in are as follows. Richard Pryor - Pryor Convictions. Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted. Dave Eggers - A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius. Chuck Palahniuk - Diary. Bret Easton Ellis - Less Than Zero. Franz Kafka - Metamorphosis. Vladimir Nabokov - Lolita. Natsuo Kirino - Out. I'm terribly tempted to get up early tomorrow to head into town to spend the day lazing under a tree somewhere reading. The plus side is that if I do this I can avoid doing the rest of the housework.

Don't panic. This isn't some kind of suicide note. I've just had enough of cleaning for the day and have decided that the time has come to sit down and roll a spliff while Jeff Buckley belts out Grace and the sun is shining through my window. I've cleaned up the livingroom, hoovered and dusted, the bathroom has had a bottle of bleach thrown at it and I've done two loads of washing. That's more than enough cleaning for me for one day. I did give some consideration to begining to tackle the dishes but I can't decide if they'll be usable after cleaning so I've abandoned them for the better things in life. Such as Jeff Buckley, joints and my thoughts.

So why bother in the first place? I knew I'd have to clean some of the house when I got up this morning. Well, actually, I knew I'd have to clean most of the house as it's in such a state that even the most desperate illegal immigrant, or escaped mental patient, would think twice about living in it... The kitchen resembles the Withnail & I set... The dishes in the sink resemble the leaning tower of Pisa. The fridge is home to a lump of mouldy cheese, a jar of black olives, a pineapple and a jar of seafood sauce. The only thing that's missing is Richard E Grant ranting and raving... "There is a strange colour growing on the worktop!" The bathroom is also a sight to behold... There are enough empty toilet roll tubes for Blue Peter to recreate the space battle from Star Wars and the crud that has gathered in the plughole of the bath is only waiting for an extra molecule of some kind to enable it with independent thought and self government. The living-room ...

Of my holiday has been a super-lazy one. I dropped my head onto my pillow at 4am this morning and surfaced at 11:30am. Twenty minutes later I was asleep again. For another six hours.

That Sir David Niven was dead? To be honest I thought so too. Until tonight when he came into my work. Luckily I had my camera with me and asked Sir David to pose for a picture. Sadly Sir David couldn't stay for very long as he was claimed he was going out for a drink with Cecil B Demille and Frank Sinatra.

Anita Thompson has started writing a blog. Check it out here . There is also a Gonzo store where you can buy official Hunter S Thompson goodies. Check it out here .