To say she was Gorgeous...

Would be an understatement never equaled since Noah's wife said it looked like there may be a light shower on the way.

Six foot tall in her heels she wore a plain looking vertical striped top and jeans that looked to all intents and purposes like they had been painted onto her slim, lithe legs. Her top halted just below her waist line and her perfectly shaped backside peeked out like a denim covered peach.

She was the kind of woman that all other women on the planet hate, purely for the reason that she could make a C&A top and a pair of cheap jeans look better than a Stella McCartney designed outfit that cost thousands.

And she was looking directly at me.

I took a quick look backwards to see if she was looking at some adonis behind me but there wasn't. I turned back and our eyes locked. She smiled a broad smile and her svelte shoulders rose for a split second as though she was attempting to stifle a small laugh.

I did a double take and looked behind myself to be doubly sure that she wasn't looking at someone in my blind spot. Once again there was nothing behind me but the shop facing I was leaning against. I looked back and saw she was still staring right at me.

The thought, "Maybe she's blind" passed through my head. Rapidly accompanied by a second thought saying "Must be. She's stunning though. For a blind bird..."

I flicked my eyebrows and gave her a small smile.

(Which I was sure made me look like a not-quite-retarded-enough-to-qualify-for-the-special-olympics retard. I've harboured this thought since my early teens when I began to question my inability to talk to girls without talking utter bollocks and laughing nervously.

This delusion was fuellued by the fact I had a roundish face so recognisable in the mongolioid fraternity, being told I was unteachable at school by an overly cruel teacher as I had dyslexia and something known in my family as "The Douglas Lip" which manifests itself as an overly protruding bottom lip. Put the two images together and whoosh, insta-spaz.)

To my surprise she flicked her perfect eyebrows upwards and smiled. I laughed nervously and gave her a small wave. To my utter disbelief she waved back. "She can't be blind then..." My inner voice commented.

A second, more pronounced voice, suddenly yelled out in my mind. "HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! SHE'S WAVING AT YOU! DO SOMETHING QUICK! RUN AND BUY FLOWERS... PERFUME... CHOCOLATES... ANYTHING... GIVE THEM TO HER BEFORE HER EYESIGHT ADJUSTS TO THE DARK AND SHE REALISES YOU HAVE THE LOOKS OF A TROLL DOLL AND THE GRACE OF AN ELEPHANT TRYING TO ICESKATE WHILE HIGH ON CRACK!" It announced.

In the space of a second all the moisture in my mouth dissapeared and was replaced by the taste of a flip flop on the largest sandy beach in history. I tried to swallow and almost choked on my own tongue. "DO SOMETHING YOU FUCKING FOOL!" yelled the voice in my head.

With my heart beating a bassline detectable on seismographs I stepped away from the shopfront, adjusted my jacket slightly and crossed the road towards the bus-stop she was leaning against. As I began to cross the road I felt a hand grab my collar and pull me backwards.

I was about to spin around and aim a punch at the person who had grabbed me when a large articulated lorry flashed past and I realised that I'd almost stepped into its path. I had been saved from a splattery end by the hand that grabbed me and said a hurried Thank You instead.

I looked over the road and saw that the figure of perfection was still there, her hand over her mouth and a shocked look in her eyes. I looked carefully left and right to make sure I didn't get run over and crossed the road.

As I stepped up onto the pavement I spoke.

"Hi, I'm Duke." I said, struggling not to begin gibbering about how I had nearly died.
"Elouise." The woman said offering her hand.
"Nice to meet you." I said, taking her petite hand in mine and shaking it gently.
"Are you OK?" She asked. "You almost got ran over by that truck." She continued.
"Hmm?" I began; Attempting to play things cool. "Oh, that... I'm fine. Good old fashioned adrenaline... Keeps the heart rate up... Beats excersize..." I said.
"I'm glad you came over to speak to me" She said. My heart leaped.
"Really?" I said.
"Yes. In fact if you didn't come over I was going to come over to speak to you." She said, through perfectly formed lips.
"Mind if I ask why?" I asked, leaning on the bus-stop in an attempt to look as though I get offers of sexual congress from random, beautifully stunning women all the time.

She leaned close to me and I caught the scent of her perfume and her skin. My mind spun. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered softly...

"You're fly is undone and your penis seems to be trying to ecape." She said...