Just because I feel like it...

The BBC news website published a list of 100 things we didn't know last year so I have decided to list them here with my own little addendum's.

1. Coach travel is the safest form of road transport in the country.
* Unless you are in the UK in which case it's quicker to walk.

2. Saddam Hussein's codename while in US custody in 2004/5 was "Victor".
* The guards assigned to him made him say "I don't bloody believe it." on a regular basis.

3. Adding milk to tea negates the health-giving effects of a hot brew.
* Pissing in it makes it taste worse also.

4. The word "jaywalking" came from the US slang "jay", a term popular in the early 20th Century meaning a rustic newcomer unfamiliar with city ways.
* These days rustic newcomers are called "Hippies"

5. Cloudy apple juice is healthier than clear, containing almost double the antioxidants which protect against heart disease and cancer.
* Most apples never get heart disease.

6. Dishcloths are purged of 99% of their bacteria during two minutes in a microwave.
* It's the 1% you need to worry about.

7. A haddock's mating call starts as a slow knocking sound, before turning into a quicker hum similar to a small motorcycle revving its engine.
* A cod's mating call is indistinguishable from the Bee Gee's song Massachusetts.

8. Newcastle is the noisiest place in England.
* It also has the highest number of idiots.

9. The people who built Stonehenge lived at an ancient village in Durrington Walls.
* They were bad neighbours and were the first people ever to be issued with an ASBO.

10. Brazil nuts are seeds encased in an outer shell that weighs more than 1kg.
* American nuts are encased in fat.

11. Astronauts wear nappies during launch and re-entry because they can't stop what they're
doing should they need to urinate.
* They wear them at home for fun too.

12. Georgic is a punishment dished out to Eton pupils which involves the copying out of hundreds of lines of Latin.
* This is the second most popular form of punishment, most public schoolboys prefer being buggered by the games master.

13. Tony Blair does not keep a personal diary.
* Alistair Campbell keeps it for him.

14. Antony and Cleopatra were ugly.
* But they still fucked like pigs on heat.

15. 10% of university work from across the UK is plagiarised.
* 90% of statistics are made up including this one.

16. Chimpanzees make their own spears for hunting.
* Gorillas make Ipods.

17. Two cups of spearmint tea a day is thought to control excessive hair growth for women.
* Welsh people are thought to fuck sheep. This doesn't mean it's true.

18. Burglar alarms, traffic wardens and crowded buses are good news for home owners, signalling an area is on the up.
* Unfortunately they also mean burglars are going to rob them while their car is being clamped and they'll be late for work because they can't get on the bus.

19. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez hosts a daily radio phone-in show.
* The "callers" are in the studio beside him and all have guns to their heads to make sure they say nothing but good things about him.

20. More than half (52%) of smokers haven't told their parents about their habit.
* More than half of these smokers parents were also smokers and died years ago.

21. Only about half of China's population can speak the national language, Mandarin.
* The rest speak satsuma, clementine or orangina.

22. The brief flowering of the cherry blossom tree is taken so seriously in Japan that forecasts are used to plan festivals, and travel agents use them to plan tours.
* The Japanese really should get out more.

23. To be found attractive, women should sway their hips and men their shoulders (although researchers call this a "shoulder swagger").
* Or have lots of cash.

24. The are 30,000 wild parakeets in London.
* And they're planning on overthrowing the government.

25. Martina Navratilova has spent four years secretly working as an artist.
* And thirty odd years secretly being a woman.

26. Harvesting rhubarb in candlelight helps preserve its flavour.
* Shoving it up your arse makes it taste better.

27. Drinking, drug-taking teenagers are in the decline, according to a survey by the Information Centre.
* Said a coke addicted spokesman from the local public house.

28. Designer discount retailer TK Maxx is called TJ Maxx in the US.
* Well, whoop-de-fuckin-doo.

29. The average duvet is home to 20,000 live dust mites.
* And enough skin cells to recreate John Lennon.

30. Serving anything more than tea and biscuits at a political meeting is an offence called "treating" and punishable by a year in prison or an unlimited fine, under the the Representation of the People Act 1893.
* So keep your Jaffa Cakes out of politics.

31. There is mobile phone reception from the summit of Mount Everest.
* But none in Swindon. Go figure.

32. Anti-Americanism began in Paris in the 18th Century.
* Who said the French never done anything good.

33. Female civil servants in India are questioned about their menstrual cycle as part of their appraisal.
* Male civil servants are bloody cunts.

34. Kryptonite exists.
* Superman doesn't so what's the use of it?

35. Denmark is the happiest country in Europe; Italy the unhappiest. (The UK was 9th out of 15.)
* Britain was rated as the country that couldn't care less.

36. A water-tight denial by a politician – as opposed to one that leaves room for later manoeuvre - is known as a Sherman pledge. The other sort is called a non-denial denial.
* Politicians are all lying bastards.

37. Spiralling obesity rates are forcing councils to upgrade their crematoria, to take wider coffins.
* Pavarotti is still ablaze.

38. Gerry Adams doesn't own a credit card, so gets a friend to download songs from the Internet.
* He also gets his friends to blow things up for him. (He can't figure out photoshop.)

39. The secret to happiness is accepting misery.
* And marrying it.

40. A new three-bedroom house must have at least 38 plug sockets.
* And be wired by a fool.

41. There are 1,200 exhumations every year in the UK, but not all of those are part of criminal cases.
* Some are done just for fun.

42. Nearly seven out of 10 (69%) of adults are still in touch with at least one childhood friend.
* No matter how hard they try to alienate them.

43. Bernard Manning worked as an armed guard watching over senior Nazis locked up in Berlin’s Spandau prison.
* The Nazi's thought he was a bit tough on the Jews.

44. Europe has a vodka belt comprising Poland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Finland, Denmark and Sweden, although the drink is also made in countries such as Britain, France, Italy and Spain.
* South America has a cocaine belt.

45. Domestic cats can trace their descent to the Middle East.
* Cats reunited is the second most popular website ever.

46. Peanuts can be made into diamonds.
* And boy is Charlie Brown pissed.

47. The prime ministerial Jaguar is called Pegasus.
* The prime minister is called a fat cunt.

48. You can be arrested for using someones wi-fi network without permission.
* And you can sue the owner for not knowing how to secure his network causing you to be arrested.

49. CDs were nearly called mini-racks.
* Cliff Richard was nearly called a pop star.

50. Left-handed people are called sinistral.
* And they used to be killed for being possessed by Satan.

51. Nick Clegg, the Lib Dems' new leader, once took a road trip across the US with his friend Louis Theroux.
* And yet he still claims he isn't gay.

52. There are 17 surviving versions of the Magna Carta - or 17 Magnae Cartae.
* During the 1970's they had fifteen consecutive number one hits in the charts.

53. Renowned atheist Professor Richard Dawkins likes singing Christmas carols.
* I like singing Nessun Dorma but I'm not Pavarotti.

54. The Australian town of Eucla has its own time zone.
* It's called the dark ages.

55. Books used to be bound in human skin.
* Paris Hilton couldn't bind the little book of calm.

56. Eddie Irvine is Britain's wealthiest sports star – beating the Beckhams into second place by £30m.
* Could he be allowed to beat them with a stick?

57. Sleeping on the job is tolerated in Japanese work culture, as long as you remain upright and obey certain other rules.
* Such as no snoring or talking in your sleep.

58. The Romans had roadmaps.
* Their GPS worked fine though so they had no need for them.

59. The word Blighty comes from "bilayti", the Urdu for homeland.
* The Urdu word for Vindaloo is translated into English as "For stupid drunks."

60. The Queen took her corgi on honeymoon.
* This explains Prince Charles's looks.

61. Janet and John were named Alice and Jerry in the United States.
* Who the fuck are Janet and John? And more to the point why do we care?

62. Until the late 1990s, the RAF's nuclear bombs could be activated using a bicycle lock key.
* Now they can activated by anyone with a home PC.

63. Cats can be police constables.
* But the uniform looks silly.

64. King Tut had buck teeth.
* He was also Ray Ban's first celebrity spokesman.

65. The Italian Mafia have commandments.
* Don't fuck with us.

66. Gun ownership per person in Finland is the third highest in the world.
* Guess who comes top?

67. The brain can turn down its ability to see in order to listen to complex sounds like music.
* And can distinguish between something worth listening to and the Spice Girls within a quarter of a millisecond.

68. Of the waste in UK landfills, 0.1% is plastic carrier bags.
* The rest is made up of mislaid government records.

69. Dogs occasionally shoot their owners in the US.
* Clever boy!

70. IP addresses will run out in 2010.
* And windows still won't work properly.

71. An ai is a three-toed sloth from South America (and the word that clinched Paul Allan the title of national Scrabble champion).
* He has no friends.

72. Dumbledore is gay.
* And Harry Potter is a short sighted little cunt.

73. UN population projections go as far as 2300.
* UN resolutions last as long as the USA decides to pay attention to them.

74. Sheffield FC is the world’s oldest football club.
* And still can't win anything.

75. CO2 emissions from shipping are twice the level of aviation.
* Fish contribute to this by riding Harley Davidsons.

76. George Clooney and Pierce Brosnan have had Bell's Palsy - a nerve condition that can result in paralysis on one side of the face.
* This never stopped Roger Moore either.

77. Leeches are used as treatment for cauliflower ears.
* Salmon are used to treat arachnophobia.

78. A bdelloid rotifer is a pond-dwelling organism that has survived 80 million years without sex.
* But as soon as it meets the right girl that's going to be one hell of a cloudy pond.

79. Woodwork lessons are known as "resistant materials" in schools.
* Only by the teachers. Students call it a waste of time.

80. Adults use maths skills 14 times daily on average and literacy skills 23 times a day.
* Unless you are in Texas.

81. The opening bars to the theme tune of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em spelt the title of the series in Morse code.
* The closing bars to the theme spelled out "Thank fuck that's finished" in Morse code.

82. The children who sang on Pink Floyd's number one hit Another Brick in the Wall (Pt 2) couldn't appear in the video because they didn't hold Equity cards.
* Bill Wyman still managed to marry them all.

83. Jack Straw has intervened in alleged crimes four times, apprehending a person on three occasions.
* He also lost them soon afterwards.

84. On average a UK commuter travels the equivalent of two-and-a-half times around the globe over a full working career.
* And spends fifteen years stuck on a train because of leaves on the line.

85. A 23.8lb baby was born in the US in 1879, but it only survived 11 hours.
* The mother ate it.

86. There is a monastery in every village in Burma.
* And two Mcdonalds restaurants.

87. Relocating crocodiles doesn't work - they come back.
* Via local transport disguised as ticket inspectors.

88. Deep-voiced men have more children.
* The exception to the rule is Michael Jackson, he's had lots of kids too.

89. Being born without an ear is called microtia.
* Try telling the poor bugger that.

90. Chickens can be diagnosed with depression.
* Reindeer can be diagnosed as schizophrenic.

91. In Iceland, 96% of women go to university.
* 4% know what's right.

92. Zsa Zsa Gabor is related to Paris Hilton.
* And both have had more pricks than a second hand pub dartboard.

93. Dinosaurs had creches.
* And far superior shopping malls.

94. Osama Bin Laden is known to fellow jihadists as Abu Abdullah.
* His mother still calls him Pooky.

95. In Ethiopia the start of the year 2000 was celebrated in September.
* In Pennsylvania the year 2000 will be celebrated in fifty years time.

96. Bees can detect explosives.
* But still aren't considered for work in the bomb squad.

97. There have been at least two children given the name "Superman" in the UK since 1984.
* They both think their parents are bastards.

98. Prison officers are on average assaulted eight times a day.
* But get revenge twice as often.

99. Each slug eats twice its body weight a day.
* As did Pavarotti.

100. Dogs can have two noses.
* How do they smell? Twice as bad.