BOOMSHANKA!

It's not something I do often but today was an exception.

I woke up after about three hours sleep and decided that I'd slept enough, that my life was being wasted in the land of nod and that I should venture out into the chill of the morning air and go into town where I could people watch for a few hours before going to A4E in the afternoon.

After a quick shower and getting dressed I got my shit together and headed for the bus-stop at the top of my road.

About ten minutes later I stepped of the bus at Lothian Road and headed for somewhere warm to pass the time. There was many choices but the one that I selected was a coffee house where I know the manager. I walked in, ordered a coffee and sat down to take in the atmosphere around me.

Despite being the place I take the piss out the most I realised that Edinburgh is actually quite a metrosexual city. The people in the coffee house were having lively conversations about world affairs, music and the arts and were also very well informed on the subjects.

"These are the kind of people I want to hang out with." I thought as I took a mouthful of my coffee. "Not one of them has used bad language during their conversations and they all seem reasonable and rational." My train of thought continued.

It was then that a passing barista asked if I needed a refill as my coffee was dropping low in the mug before me.

"You know what, I think I'd like a different coffee. I said handing her the half empty mug in front of me."

"Sure thing." She replied with a happy tone in her voice. "What'll you have?" She continued, as i noticed her slight accent.

"I'll have a boomshanka I think." I said, forgetting that this is my own personal name for my own variation on the theme of coffee.

"I'm afraid I don't know what that is." She replied.
"Sorry, it's a large latte with five extra shots of espresso in it. But use cold milk not heated." I said.
"So that's a large latte with five shots of espresso then? No problem, if you'll give me a minute I'll bring it over to you." She replied, and began to turn away.
"No, wait, hang on." I said as it dawned on me what she had said. "It's not a large latte with five shots, it's a large latte with five extra shots." I repeated.

"You do know there are already two shots in our large latte's?" She asked.
"Yes." I replied.
"So that's a large latte with seven shots then?" She said.
"Yes, and cold milk not warm milk." I said, making sure that she understood.
"Is that semi skimmed, skimmed or full fat milk?" She questioned.
"Full fat." I replied.

"So that's a cold full fat seven shot large latte then?" She said.

"No, that's a boomshanka." I replied.

Who knows, one day I may be credited for the invention of the boomshanka and my name will become as synonymous with it as Hemingway is to the Mojito. Then again, the kind of people who would think the boomshanka is a good idea will not be around for long as their arteries will be badly constricted from drinking something so disastrously unhealthy. And good for them!