"Yesterday"

Spending a whole day in bed may seem like pure laziness. But I had a good reason. Honestly I did... I couldn't be arsed facing the world.

And it's all the fault of the TV. It depresses the hell out of me.

Whether it's the doom and gloom of the latest news or the sports results for the vacuous of mind, I sit there and question what the fuck is going on. Adverts for shit that no-one needs are beamed into our rooms and we stupidly think that our lives would somehow be complete if we had the latest labor saving gadget.

There are adverts for Tampons for fucks sake!

All over the world, women know that once a month things in the downstairs dept get a bit bleedy and something is needed to prevent the soiling of the knickers. They're clever like that. So why is it that there is a constant need to advertise Tampax? There isn't. So stop it. Please. Before I go totally insane.

And it's not only that...

There is now a 24 hour weather channel. What possible need is there for this? If you'd like to know what the weather is like, look out the window.

"Ahh, but what if I want to know what the weather is going to be like next week..." Says the little smart arse voice in your head. Wait until next week and look out the window. The weather system on this planet is in a constant state of flux, and can't be predicted accurately outside the timespan of three minutes, so what makes you think that some overpaid monkey in a suit can tell you if it's going to rain next week?

If TV stations were to apply "weather forecast reasoning" to the news stories of the day we'd all be shitting our trousers as newscasters spent the evening pointing at maps of Iraq and saying...

"The forecast for next week in Iraq is likely to be occasional small arms fire with sunni periods."