Don't get me wrong. I'm not lambasting the Doctor Who series of programs in any way whatsoever, I'm just appealing to the general public to help me generate viewing figures so low that they pull the plug on Billy Piper's career in acting. It's a mercy killing. Trust me.
Now, Before you all start thinking I'm some mad Doctor Who fan let me clear this issue up and say I'm not. I don't go in for all that dressing up as a cyberman & attending fan gatherings to discuss plot holes and swap amusing anecdotes bullshit. I evolved past that. I realize IT'S ONLY TV!
* I did attend a Doctor Who exhibition once. Only because my Brother insisted on seeing it and my Mother wouldn't allow me to wait in the pub. I was only six, so I can let her off the hook. But my Brother? I'm still considering it.
It's not too much to ask in life is it? I mean come on, If the BBC really insist on making a whole new series of Doctor Who using the latest CGI technology and spending £1million on each episode, Why the hell do they fuck it up so spectacularly by giving The Doctor an irritating blonde midget for an assistant? Was the ginger bint Bonnie Langford not enough?
Perhaps this was how the phone call at/to the BBC went...
Producer; OK you guys, let's do it. Let's make a new Doctor Who series. I want it BIG. ENORMOUS. HUGE. I want ILM, CGI and Spielberg. I want it to be a large American-market-friendly spectacular. I want merchandising. Lunchboxes, Duvet Covers, Calendars, T-Shirts, DVD's, Action figures & Pinball machines. I want a family show. I want women's flesh for the Dads to ogle and rugged good looks for the Mums to lust after. I want monsters for the kids, Science for the geeks and gore for the freaks. I want Buffy meets Back To The Future with ET's, MIB's, LGM's, Davros and DALEKS! DALEKS! DALEKS!
Poorly Paid BBC lackey; Will that be all your Evilness?...
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