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A Joyous pagan festival to one and all.

Hey all you random strangers. How the fuck are you? Good I hope.

Well it's that time of the year again. Over exited kids, Bad TV & terrible reruns of old shows, Cold weather, Early sunsets, Seasonally affected disorder, Mad shopping dashes to find last minute pressies for unwanted and unliked relations that you wish had dropped dead ten years ago. Or maybe that's just me.

I haven't posted anything in the last couple of weeks as I've done something very silly to my PC. And it's not known for it's sense of silyness. I changed my graphic display properties to a setting that my monitor doesn't agree with. So I can swith my PC on but can't see what I need to change in order to get it to work again. In fact I can't see jack shit.

I'm posting this at my mothers house on cristmas day. I told my mother I wanted to update my site and quickly fucked off to let her and my father spend the rest of the day slagging each other off. Gotta love 'em.


Minor revelations.

I'd had a few joints and a little bit of speed so the revelation I had last night may have had something to do with the fact I was chemically enhanced.
I was Splashing around in the surf of this matrix related site late last night and was pondering what reality is when I realised that reality is not something that can be accurately defined.
How can you attach words, which are limited at the best of times, to an idea that is beyond human comprehension?


How time flies...

It's been five days since I posted anything here.

Doesn't time just fly by when you are having fun?
Which is possibly the reason that these last five days have dragged like a north sea fishing boats nets when they are caught on an oil pipeline. Albert Einstein, the fuzzy haired German physicist bloke, said once "Time is relative."
What he didn't say was "Time is realative to how shitty a job you have." I said that.


Random musing while at work.

I had the thought that I really should post every thought that I can remember from my day but to be honest it'd just be a bore for both of us.

Thoughts from the day.
(The ones worth mentioning anyway.)

Considered starting a new blog about my little dip into online sex contacts in an attempt to have sex while i'm still able to appreciate it.
For the record; it has been four years since I have had sex that wasn't a solo performance. Ahemm. [akward silence] I know. Long time huh? Long story.

Considered robbing my work out of a few thousand £'s and using it to fuck off to Bolivia.

Considered firebombing a Starbucks coffee bar. (I was bored)

Considered skewering my aunties eyeball with a pencil. (She was boring me)

Once again considered six months on the dole while writing my book.

Considered trying to join a buddist temple.

Thought about GOD.

Wondered on what is reality.

It's an unfair world.

A thought just occured to me. How come I can't get a girl to love but there are women out there that will suck a horses dick at the bat-of-an-eyelid? or should that be the swish-of-the-tail? Yeah, yeah. Poor joke I know but, Hey, Whatever.


just for laughs.

1 To learn.

Surfs up.

Knowledge is power.
. .

It's just a ride.

Even more reason not to pay tax.

Pizza anyone?

Day off today.
I'm sitting here reading a few articles to kill time some until tonight when I have a family meal to attend. The reason is that it's my nephew's birthday today and instead of having a party he asked if he could have a meal with us all in attendence.
As much as I may seem to be an uncaring cunt I 'm actually quite a nice guy, when you get to know me, and I'm looking forward to it. Even though I know it will be total chaos from the begining to the end. It'll no doubt be like every family meal we have had at the Jolly.

I'd love to have David Attenborough present with a recording team to document it.


Considering semi-retirement.

As the end of the year approaches I am beginning to ponder... Should I continue to be a wage slave, or should I pack it in on new years eve and throw myself into trying to finish writing my book.
Not really much of a choice is it?

I have the whole story in my head but that's where the problem lies. It's in my head and not on paper. That can't be a good thing when sending the a draft to a publishers is not possible by telepathy yet. Mind you, those scientist types are probably working on that very thing as I type. Come on guys, get a move on, the world needs this ability.

The story I plan on writing will be a best seller. Of this I am sure.
I'm all for the belief that everything is possible, if you put your all into the idea and create something that you are genuinely proud to have created.

Perhaps I should post it on a blog and let it grow online for all of you to watch. Maybe.


Lessons learned from life.

Certain things in life are often said to be foolproof but as the saying goes... "Nothing is foolproof to a smart enough fool."
It was this thought that inspired me to put a little time into the thought that people who have a passion for something should be paid for doing just that. No matter how inept they are at it.

Take me for example. I love to write my thoughts and ideas out and share them with people that want to read them. Trust me when I say I'm under no illusions that I am a writer in the same vein as Robert Louis Stevenson, Sir Walter Scott or irvine welsh *see endnote*
But I do at times hit upon wisdom that is comparable to the greatest writers in the history of the world and that is why I should be paid to sit here in front of my PC and type whatever comes to my mind. Just like I have done with this little screed.

All I need now is to find out where to send the bill.

*Actually I do think I'm a better writer than irvine welsh, That's why he doesn't get any capitals in his name. Fuck him.

Here it comes again...... Oooooooh, Catch it if you can......

Once again the demon headache comes a-callin. I can feel it at the front of my skull Bubbling away like mount Vesuvius just before it explodes in a fury of molten lava.
So in order to battle the brain-pan-banging-bastard I've just taken three soluble codeine tablets. I doubt that they'll keep it from kicking the shit out of my brain for the next couple of days but it's worth a try. Shit, right now I'd try sacrificing a goat to the black lord Satan if it prevents this thumping from developing into a full on Rolling-stones-after-gig-party headache.

Fortunately I don't have to go to work today as it's my day off. So at least I have that to be thankful for.

Thinking of days past,

There are days when I go over and over the reasons why my Ex-girlfriend left me broken hearted. Today was one of those days.

Her name was Jennifer. She was witty, intelligent, beautiful, caring, warmhearted and gentle; And I killed the love she held in her heart for me by being an emotionally retarded shithead.
I really wanted to let her know what it was that was in my head that was making me such an island to her but did I try to let her in? Fuck no. Not until it was too late.

I want to tell her everything I felt at the time.
I want to tell her that whenever I looked at her the only thought that came into my head was "What does she see in me?"
I want to tell her why I never was able to let her into my head to see the chaos in there.
I want to tell her that when I looked at her the chaos within my head and heart stopped.
I want to tell her exactly what she meant to me.

And now it's too late... Aint hindsight a swine?


Lucid dreaming update.

Since begining my attempts at lucid dreaming I have not had any major happenings to report on.

I've had a couple of occasions when I was aware that I was dreaming but forgot to do a reality check at the time. Bummer. I think what I need to do is to disrupt my sleeping pattern a bit so that I can programme my subconcious mind into doing a reality check at certain times.

Though on a positive note... The day after yesterday as I was laying on my couch suffering from a demonic headache I did manage to merge my concious mind with my dreaming mind and spoke with a shamen. Funky shit.

Pause for thought.

While wandering along on my quest for truth I occasionally stumble across a revelation. Today I had one of those revelations.

Ready for this? Deep breath in....

The reason that the world is so fucked up is that we lie to our children from the day that they are born.

And breathe out...

Do you remember the day when you realised that there was no Santa Claus? Do you Remember being emotionally destroyed because you had been under the illusion that there was a fat, jolly, white bearded guy who, dropped down your chimney/climbed through your letterbox/snuck in through the catflap, left you gifts because you had been a good little Girl/Boy?

You do don't you? Sure you do. Look deep within your memory banks and remember that day.

It was a horrible realisation wasn't it? Knowing that your parents had filled your head with utter shit in order to make you believe there were just rewards for...
  • Being good.
  • Not kicking your kid sister in the head.
  • Not poking the skanky kid at school with a shit covered stick.
  • Not shouting "Fuck Jesus" in church.
  • Giving your seat to an elder on the bus.
  • Eating with your mouth closed.
  • Saying your prayers.
Or whatever other reason your parents used the dreaded "Santa won't bring you any toys" line for.

Fuck that. No way on this earth am I ever going to fill any kids mind with that bullshit. Kids may be kids but they aint stupid. Tell them the truth for a change.

Go on.

Do it.

Right now.

Go and tell Timmy or Tammy (or whatever stupid moniker you lumbered your kid with at birth) that the world is a beautiful place that is being treated like shit by the human race. Tell them that that does not have to be if they desire it not to be. Tell them they are the peak of more than a billion years of growth. Tell them things that encourage goodness for no reward but goodness. Tell them anything life affirming. Tell them anything...

Just don't lie to them.
Cos they'll spot a fake quicker than you or I could ever hope to.


Hoots man there's a moose loose aboot this hoose.

I have a flatmate. A small mouse.

I'm gonna call it Mini.

For the good of the public? Blow it out your arse McConnell.

Smoking is to be outlawed in public places in scotland as of spring 2006.

How much do I want to kick Jack McConartist in the nuts? Lots and lots and lots.
Not only for the reason that after the ban is in place I'll have to go outside and stand in all kinds of weather to smoke my cigarette but because it is all being done under the guise of it being a Public Health concern.

If the Scottish Pissartistment is so concerned with the health of the general populace then why don't we see reports on the news of armed employees at BP Grangemouth holding back government troops in a fierce gunfight to stop the government closing the oil refinery down?
Or even reports of Human Rights campaigners complaining about how the police are being a bit heavy handed while confiscating 4X4 vehicles? (Surely you don't require a 4X4 that drinks petrol and oil for it only to use the 4X4 drive when it mounts the kerb at Sainsburys.)

What I'd like to know is this, If I start my own business from home and set aside a room to use as my office will this be considered a place of work? More to the point will I be able to smoke in my own house? Laugh if you want. It's coming.

They came for the smokers and I did not speak out because I was not a smoker....

I always said I was unique.

Now it's official. i'm unique. Totally.
I am the only person on the blogosphere whos interests include chemical enhancement.
I wonder how long that will last? My uniqueness will no doubt be jumped upon like the proverbial bandwagon and i'll lose a part of me to the masses. It's a small price to pay for immortality.


Like a rolling stone.

I have a headache like you wouldn't believe right now. Man, is it a doozy. If I were to try to describe it to you I would no doubt have to use words like Thumping, Violent, Insistant and Vehement. I trust you get the idea?

I have spent the last day and a half lying down, either in my bed or on the sofa, cursing whatever chemical reaction in my brain has caused this relentless thumping in my cranium.

I should have been at work on Thursday and Friday but with a head like this I aint going nowhere. Fuck that. Dealing with work is bad enough at normal times let alone when I am ill. At times like these the best place for me to be is in my bed, or out of the public domain at least.

OK, I know, You're sitting there thinking "This guy's a goddamned faggot if a headache can make him take two days off of work." but allow me to let you in on a few things about me.

Pain aint shit to me if it is of the basic type. You know...
  • stubbed toe on table leg,
  • smack in the mouth,
  • date refusal,
  • little kid kicking you in the nuts,
  • crashing a motorcycle,
  • dislocating your knees,
  • standing in a place where there aint room enough to stand,
  • hitting your nail instead of the nail with the hammer,
  • trapped finger in car door...
Etc etc etc... That kind of pain I can deal with no problem but when I get a headache, forget all the brave looks and the swallowing of pride, I'm as helpless as a kitten in a chinese restaurant.

If I had a partner no doubt I would not be sitting here typing out my misery. I'd be lying down with a moist towel on my brow with a cup of hot lemon on the bedside table (next to a small porcalain bell that I can chime should I need anything from the kitchen/24 hour garage/Asda) but i'm single and do not have the luxury of a personal illness slave. If I want sympathy i'll have to look it up in the dictionary. It's between Shit and Syphilus.