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Today I learned...

Never order a large of anything in Starbucks. I mistakenly asked for a large, flat, black and was presented with a mug of coffee large enough to bath a baby in. Not that you’d ever bath your baby in a scalding hot cup of coffee that is, you’re sensible enough to know better. Or I think you are. Who knows, there are some people out there who may take delight in doing so. The internet is awash with freaks, loons and maniacs and real life isn’t much different. The only difference between the insane in real life and the insane online is that the ones in real life are easier to spot. The drool on their shirt and the dried semen around their fly gives them away… Or so I’m told. I enjoy the company of people who have excitement as their co-driver in my life but even in my deepest, darkest days I have avoided the obviously stark raving insane. Through sheer self preservation if nothing else.


The sun has been shining today and the winter blues are being banished with spring stimulated smiles as I go about my day. The women in the street have a distinctly Parisian look about them as they replace large unflattering fleeces with summery dresses and sunglasses. The men, well, having never been one for eyeing up the male of the species, I can’t say. Perhaps I should seek out a homosexual to give me opinions on this. Perhaps not… Where would I begin the search? Hanging around in gay bars is not my bag and the only other place I have been informed that gay men hang around is public toilets and the opinions of toilet traders is not what I’m looking for. I need a hip and cool metropolitan male to tap for information not an arsebandit who sucks strangers dicks in the cubicles for kicks.