I always said that I'd never do a job that involved wearing a tie.
My work has decided that I should not only wear a shirt but I should also wrap a noose around my neck.
Apparently, trying to choke my spirit and the slow, steady crushing of my individuality isn't enough... Why is it when you take a reasonably rational person and give them a position of power it goes directly to their heads and they turn into a Nazi? Fucked if I know... It's a mystery to me. Perhaps you know differently. Perhaps not.
Whatever, let's not dwell on this shit. Let's do something to alter our minds frequency and kiss the skies. After all, that is what we're here for...
We are the children of the Grand Whazoo... We are proud warriors on a mission to enlighten the world... We are brave fighters who use words instead of weapons... And we are legion. So sit up and take notice. Or prepare to witness the whirlwind.
Take a stand or Take a seat. Lead, follow or get the fuck out the way. This is our time. Our world. Our chance to make a change.
And it is time for a change.
It is time for hope to shine through the fog of despair and banish the overlords who think they know best, who think they can control chaos with rules and regulations, who think that wearing a tie makes me one of them...
Governments, Committees, Steering Groups, Quangos, Ministers and Members of parliament take note... You do not control me. I am free as a bird and I shit on you from the dizzying heights of my mind.
Hang 'em high I say. Let their legs swing in the breeze while their necks are stretched.
7/31/2005
Moto Gp.
The Moto GP circus arrives in Germany this week.
The Sachsenring circuit hosts this weekends race. Live timing can be found by clicking here.
The Sachsenring circuit hosts this weekends race. Live timing can be found by clicking here.
7/30/2005
You can tell a lot about a person...
From the condition of their desk.
Say, for example, you walk into an office and see a neat, well organized desk, you'll make the deduction that this person is well organized and takes pride in the work that they do. Or they have an obsessive compulsive for a cleaner.
If, on the other hand, you walk into an office and see a desk full of clutter with unfinished reports hanging out of in trays like an avalanche waiting to happen, you'll come to the conclusion that this person should not be believed when they tell you that the report you asked them to do last month is done and will be on your neat and well organized desk in the morning.
In an office environment this rule of thumb can be applied to help you get reports done on time. It's foolproof. Trust me on this one. I may not have worked in an office but I have spent my life watching humanity and studying their traits and foibles.
What you should do when you are faced with a desk that looks like mine is... Run. As fast as you can. Make for the hills, Flee, Abscond, abandon all hope and get the fuck out of there before your mind snaps and recoils in horror at how anyone can do anything constructive in such conditions.
This is a dangerous place. Step lightly, lest you wake the monster...
If the bottle of Stolichnaya that sits within easy reach of the seat doesn't convince you to bolt for the hills then the shot glass and the bottle of 80% proof rum should.
Ignore, if you can, the hashpipe and the cigarette papers that scream of wanton drug use and make a break for a Buddhist temple to spend the rest of your life in quiet contemplation.
Pretend that the stack of hardcore porn magazines, that sit proudly on the desk, are nothing more than editions of Sports Illustrated and hope that your mind can deal with a lie on such a large scale.
Block out the small glass vial of what looks like finely chopped oregano and pray that it is nothing more than an exotic spice used for adding spice to one of the pizzas that sit curling up in the stack of empty boxes next to the desk and barrel for the door at the fastest speed you can manage.
Pooh-pooh the ashtray that overflows with cigarette ends, so much so that it looks as though it is some kind of freak of nature and is in fact a volcano which spews forth not only ash but used cigarette ends, and skedaddle.
Or, do the rational thing, and fire me. And hope that I don't get it into my head to pay you a visit while I've been drinking...
Say, for example, you walk into an office and see a neat, well organized desk, you'll make the deduction that this person is well organized and takes pride in the work that they do. Or they have an obsessive compulsive for a cleaner.
If, on the other hand, you walk into an office and see a desk full of clutter with unfinished reports hanging out of in trays like an avalanche waiting to happen, you'll come to the conclusion that this person should not be believed when they tell you that the report you asked them to do last month is done and will be on your neat and well organized desk in the morning.
In an office environment this rule of thumb can be applied to help you get reports done on time. It's foolproof. Trust me on this one. I may not have worked in an office but I have spent my life watching humanity and studying their traits and foibles.
What you should do when you are faced with a desk that looks like mine is... Run. As fast as you can. Make for the hills, Flee, Abscond, abandon all hope and get the fuck out of there before your mind snaps and recoils in horror at how anyone can do anything constructive in such conditions.
This is a dangerous place. Step lightly, lest you wake the monster...
If the bottle of Stolichnaya that sits within easy reach of the seat doesn't convince you to bolt for the hills then the shot glass and the bottle of 80% proof rum should.
Ignore, if you can, the hashpipe and the cigarette papers that scream of wanton drug use and make a break for a Buddhist temple to spend the rest of your life in quiet contemplation.
Pretend that the stack of hardcore porn magazines, that sit proudly on the desk, are nothing more than editions of Sports Illustrated and hope that your mind can deal with a lie on such a large scale.
Block out the small glass vial of what looks like finely chopped oregano and pray that it is nothing more than an exotic spice used for adding spice to one of the pizzas that sit curling up in the stack of empty boxes next to the desk and barrel for the door at the fastest speed you can manage.
Pooh-pooh the ashtray that overflows with cigarette ends, so much so that it looks as though it is some kind of freak of nature and is in fact a volcano which spews forth not only ash but used cigarette ends, and skedaddle.
Or, do the rational thing, and fire me. And hope that I don't get it into my head to pay you a visit while I've been drinking...
"Compulsive reading."
A reader of this blog, who also happens to be a member of the club I work at, told me the other day that he found my blog to be "Compulsive reading."
This of course made me feel proud and swelled my head no end. Until he told me that his wife wasn't very happy about being described as "About as attractive as Maggie Thatcher" in one of my posts. I searched my mind to try to think if I had ever compared his wife to Maggie Thatcher. Nothing came to mind.
He explained that he had been reading the post describing my New Year and I instantly remembered the reason I couldn't recall it. I hadn't posted it on this blog. I had posted it onto a small sideshoot of this blog called "Ranting into the void" which was a small, and inconsequential blog project that I had abandoned aeons ago.
As the realization of what he was talking about dawned on me, I laughed and told him that I hadn't specifically meant his wife and that my words were a generalization and were not intended to offend. For a second I thought about telling him that from my memory I remembered that his wife was a very attractive woman but knowing that doing so can, on occasion, cause men to whip out a fist, I promptly forgot about it.
And it's probably just as well I did. He's an ex-cop and could cause me quite a lot of damage in a punch up... They know things about hitting people in places that can do a lot of damage to a human body but don't show up... Ho ho.
This of course made me feel proud and swelled my head no end. Until he told me that his wife wasn't very happy about being described as "About as attractive as Maggie Thatcher" in one of my posts. I searched my mind to try to think if I had ever compared his wife to Maggie Thatcher. Nothing came to mind.
He explained that he had been reading the post describing my New Year and I instantly remembered the reason I couldn't recall it. I hadn't posted it on this blog. I had posted it onto a small sideshoot of this blog called "Ranting into the void" which was a small, and inconsequential blog project that I had abandoned aeons ago.
As the realization of what he was talking about dawned on me, I laughed and told him that I hadn't specifically meant his wife and that my words were a generalization and were not intended to offend. For a second I thought about telling him that from my memory I remembered that his wife was a very attractive woman but knowing that doing so can, on occasion, cause men to whip out a fist, I promptly forgot about it.
And it's probably just as well I did. He's an ex-cop and could cause me quite a lot of damage in a punch up... They know things about hitting people in places that can do a lot of damage to a human body but don't show up... Ho ho.
This week...
I will be attempting to re-write the Edinburgh festival bit.
I'll also be working on the comedy skit I have in the pipeline.
I'll also be working on the comedy skit I have in the pipeline.
7/29/2005
In the pipeline...
Is a comedy skit that I know I could do as a Stand-Up routine.
I'm not about to tell you what it is, so don't even think about asking. You'll find out after I have written it and am confident that it'll produce laughs in a Stand-Up comedy club.
I'm not about to tell you what it is, so don't even think about asking. You'll find out after I have written it and am confident that it'll produce laughs in a Stand-Up comedy club.
You asked for it.
So here it is.
This is the piece of writing that I did at the request of my Brother. I think it's shit and doesn't deserve the space but who am I to question what the readers want?
In the interests of constructive criticism here is the reply I got from my brother.
This is the piece of writing that I did at the request of my Brother. I think it's shit and doesn't deserve the space but who am I to question what the readers want?
The Edinburgh International Festival begins soon.And that's it. I did warn you that it was shit but did you listen? Oh no, you had to have it your way didn't you? Well I hope you're happy. I couldn't have shit on a stick but you'd want some...
Edinburgh metamorphoses from its normally shabby grey color to become a city filled with jesters and merrymakers. Famous faces mince and mingle along the high street inches from such famous landmarks as John Knox House, Holyrood Palace and Edinburgh Castle.
It's always colorful when the festival is on. The influx of Actors, Stand-Ups and Australian bar-staff trebles the population and you get the feeling you can do almost anything. If you've ever had a hankering to walk down the street dressed as a nun whilst singing dirty songs at the top of your lungs Edinburgh, during August, is the place to be.
Founded in 1947, as a post war initiative to re-unite Europe through culture, the Edinburgh International Festival has grown into the biggest Arts festival in the world. Theatre, comedy, music and dance all play a large part within the Festival.
Many a dazzling career in comedy has been started at the Festival with comedians such as Bill Hicks, Emo Phillips, Dylan Moran and many others playing Edinburgh at the start of their careers to rave reviews from critics. This years festival comedy performances include such artists as Boothby Graffoe, Jason Byrne, Jimmy Carr and Dwight Slade. All of which are doing stand-up shows.
If Stand-Up Comedy isn't your bag then how about a little sampling of Opera? Or perhaps a musical? The Edinburgh festival covers a wide range of both. Ballet and modern dance also make an appearance in the Festival.
If music, dance, comedy and theatre are not your cup of darjeeling then you'll be pleased to know that Edinburgh also has an international book festival which takes place between the 13th and the 29th of August. Authors such as Iain Banks and Quintin Jardine will be attending along with hundreds of other international authors.
The Festival has also seen more than its fair share of controversy, with calls for shows to be stopped due to indecent material or social taboos being questioned a regular occurrence. Most recently the Jim Rose Circus was the recipient of a public outcry due to the nature of the show being branded as nothing more than shock for shocks sake. Needless to say, the controversy surrounding it guaranteed that the show would sell out.
In the interests of constructive criticism here is the reply I got from my brother.
It's fine for a starting point, but at the moment it's just a big list of stuff in the Fringe - it lacks the human small-scale touch of your report on the G8 nonsense. You need to put yourself in it more, or rather you need to put instances on a sufficiently minor key that people reading will get a *real* idea of what you're writing about, without having to know who Jim Rose or whoever is. Ask yourself - if they don't know any of the acts mentioned, exactly what does your piece tell a vistor/reader about Edinburgh during the Festival (a more interesting subject than 'What is the Festival' in any case)?Any more comments on this piece are welcomed. Personally I think Stuart is right in his opinion that it lacks the feel of the G8 related piece I did.
7/28/2005
A small one.
I finished writing the piece my brother wanted and have sent it to him and await his judgement.
I don't think it's very good. I'll let you know his opinion when I get it.
I don't think it's very good. I'll let you know his opinion when I get it.
7/27/2005
Occasionally...
I stumble across writing that makes me sit up and pay attention.
This was one of those times.
"Wonderfully written, insightful and true to the nature of life." Is how I'd describe it if I were a writers critic.
The New Goo.
This was one of those times.
"Wonderfully written, insightful and true to the nature of life." Is how I'd describe it if I were a writers critic.
The New Goo.
7/26/2005
Off to work.
I go. Selah.
Tonight I plan on working on the challenge my brother has set me so don't expect very much in the way of posts. I may put up a couple of small ones, but don't hold your breath.
Tonight I plan on working on the challenge my brother has set me so don't expect very much in the way of posts. I may put up a couple of small ones, but don't hold your breath.
Damn it.
Writers block.
Damn it all to hell. I have hit upon a block in the last couple of days. Possibly due to the fact that I have been watching DVD's for the last couple of days and have therefore not had to do any thinking at all. Or at least, a very minimal amount has been needed to get me through the days.
I've been running on auto pilot really. The only things I've had to deal with involved what will I eat and what time do I start work.
The one thing I have been forced to think about is what to write for the challenge set by my brother to write something. This has caused me much angst. I face a deadline I feel obliged to meet for the first time in my life and what happens? My brain grinds to a scrunching halt.
Damn it all to hell. I have hit upon a block in the last couple of days. Possibly due to the fact that I have been watching DVD's for the last couple of days and have therefore not had to do any thinking at all. Or at least, a very minimal amount has been needed to get me through the days.
I've been running on auto pilot really. The only things I've had to deal with involved what will I eat and what time do I start work.
The one thing I have been forced to think about is what to write for the challenge set by my brother to write something. This has caused me much angst. I face a deadline I feel obliged to meet for the first time in my life and what happens? My brain grinds to a scrunching halt.
7/24/2005
No posts tonight...
Challenged.
I've been set the task of writing a screed, on a topic of my choice, before my nephews birthday next week.
My brother Stuart set me the task after I had rambled on about how much my job at the club sucked.
The challenge is to write a piece that can be submitted to a newspaper/magazine. Where it goes from there I have no idea. Whatever happens I'll keep you posted.
My brother Stuart set me the task after I had rambled on about how much my job at the club sucked.
The challenge is to write a piece that can be submitted to a newspaper/magazine. Where it goes from there I have no idea. Whatever happens I'll keep you posted.
DVD Days...
The next few days will be a DVD fest.
Tomorrow morning will be spent lying in my bed with the Sunday papers and the following DVD's to keep me company.
All that's missing is a warm woman.
Tomorrow morning will be spent lying in my bed with the Sunday papers and the following DVD's to keep me company.
All that's missing is a warm woman.
7/23/2005
Finished reading.
Dan Brown. Deception Point.
I'll now be able to finish reading Bertold Brechts' Threepenny novel.
While I do this perhaps you'd like to read this little screed by Hunter S Thompson. Perhaps not. But you don't know what you're missing.
I'll now be able to finish reading Bertold Brechts' Threepenny novel.
While I do this perhaps you'd like to read this little screed by Hunter S Thompson. Perhaps not. But you don't know what you're missing.
I don't get it.
Life. It's a puzzling thing.
Lessons learned over time. But for what point? For what purpose?
I'd like to think that there is some grand scheme behind the intricacies of the universe but if involves taking communion, praying to the sun, giving my heart to Jesus or any other kind of general worshipping then count me out. Fuck that.
The Grand Whazoo does not require prayer or dedication. He doesn't give a fuck about that, I know 'cos It told me.
"I don't give a fuck about that." It said.
Why would It lie to me? It has nothing to gain from lying to me. Unlike certain things in life... Governments, Ministers, Clerics, Popes etc etc etc... They all have something to gain by filling my head with nonsense. Control & obedience. Allegiance.
The Grand Whazoo thinks this is all bullshit.
"It's all bullshit." It said.
When It told me that, I knew. I saw. I realized. The Grand Whazoo wants very little from me...
That I be me.
That I listen to the little voice in my head that lets me see this life, without the broken perception, without hollow judgment of who a person is or what they believe, without hatred in my heart, without fear.
That I appreciate that all people are the living embodiment of all the possible people I could have been.
That I do what is good and right.
That I love all the people.
Lessons learned over time. But for what point? For what purpose?
I'd like to think that there is some grand scheme behind the intricacies of the universe but if involves taking communion, praying to the sun, giving my heart to Jesus or any other kind of general worshipping then count me out. Fuck that.
The Grand Whazoo does not require prayer or dedication. He doesn't give a fuck about that, I know 'cos It told me.
"I don't give a fuck about that." It said.
Why would It lie to me? It has nothing to gain from lying to me. Unlike certain things in life... Governments, Ministers, Clerics, Popes etc etc etc... They all have something to gain by filling my head with nonsense. Control & obedience. Allegiance.
The Grand Whazoo thinks this is all bullshit.
"It's all bullshit." It said.
When It told me that, I knew. I saw. I realized. The Grand Whazoo wants very little from me...
That I be me.
That I listen to the little voice in my head that lets me see this life, without the broken perception, without hollow judgment of who a person is or what they believe, without hatred in my heart, without fear.
That I appreciate that all people are the living embodiment of all the possible people I could have been.
That I do what is good and right.
That I love all the people.
Super-cool-&-funky-music-recommended-by-me
Purely a list of what I have been listening to this last week or so.
Eminem - Encore.
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris.
Beck - Guero.
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam.
U2 - How to dismantle an atomic bomb.
Kaiser Chiefs - Employment.
Razorlight - Up all night.
Kasabian - Together we build.
King Curtis - Live at Filmore West 1971.
Damien Rice - Green Eyes.
The Pogues - Lorca's Novena.
L L Cool J - Knock You Out.
Everclear - Wonderful & Santa Monica.
You'd do no wrong downloading a copy of all of these tunes.
Eminem - Encore.
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris.
Beck - Guero.
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam.
U2 - How to dismantle an atomic bomb.
Kaiser Chiefs - Employment.
Razorlight - Up all night.
Kasabian - Together we build.
King Curtis - Live at Filmore West 1971.
Damien Rice - Green Eyes.
The Pogues - Lorca's Novena.
L L Cool J - Knock You Out.
Everclear - Wonderful & Santa Monica.
You'd do no wrong downloading a copy of all of these tunes.
7/22/2005
I felt a comment was required...
Regarding the shocking news that Grand Theft Auto San Andreas has scenes of a sexual nature hidden within the game.
What I'd like to know was who complained?
What I'd like to know was who complained?
This blog;
Could be the first ever live & interactive nervous breakdown.
It's certainly looking that way in my life just now. I may, very soon, snap and do something rash. Something along the lines of quitting my job and throw myself at the mercy of the whims of the Grand Whazoo. Maybe. Perhaps. Who knows...
Only the Grand Whazoo.
It's certainly looking that way in my life just now. I may, very soon, snap and do something rash. Something along the lines of quitting my job and throw myself at the mercy of the whims of the Grand Whazoo. Maybe. Perhaps. Who knows...
Only the Grand Whazoo.
Fuck 'em, and the laws they make.
The UK has now outlawed the use of Magic Mushrooms.
This is a law I will break whenever I am given the chance. I recommend that you do too.
This is a law I will break whenever I am given the chance. I recommend that you do too.
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