If there's one thing...

That really gets on my pecs it's young couples who paw and grope each other in public.

Only yesterday I was subjected to one young loved up couple who were in the middle of eating each others faces. That's faces by the way, just in case you misread that and thought I was subjected to the early throws of coprophiliac love...

Anyhoo... I was on the bus headed into town and the two passion merchants were playing a rather energetic game of tonsil hockey from the moment they got on the bus until the moment that I couldn't take anymore and spoke up.

"Excuse me, is there any chance you two could forgo the foreplay. I only got out my bed twenty minutes ago and the last thing I want to see right now is you two practically humping each other." I said.

The pair separated and the guy turned to me and said, in a somewhat laconic tone of voice, "You what?"

"I was asking if you two could pack it in, if you got any further down her throat you'd be able to lick her clit from the inside." I said, squaring up to him as his physical movements made me wonder if I'd pushed things just a tad too far, this time.

The object of his affection put her hand on his chest and held him back, as though that would have any effect if he'd decided to attempt to rip me a new arsehole. "Talk to me like that again and I'll punch your fucking lights out mate." He said.

"Well I'm getting off at the next stop if you fancy trying your luck cuntface." I said, as I pushed the bell to let the driver know I wanted off the bus. As the bus drew to a stop I moved towards the door whilst keeping an eye on Romeo in case the grip his girlfriend had on him wasn't sufficient enough to prevent him from throwing himself at me.

"Your girlfriend looks like she's had more cock-ends than weekends as well" I shouted as the bus pulled away and I knew he'd have at least a couple of hundred yards to catch me if he decided to exact some kind of revenge on me. When I got around the corner I burst out laughing and decided that I should maybe make my new years resolution...

Keep my mouth shut in future.