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10/09/2006

Sillier and sillier...

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The Haunting.
A Short Story.
Part Seven.
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Ross saw the crowd of spiders running towards him. What had he done that had so annoyed them that they chose to rush him en-masse? Would this be where he would die? Would he die after being torn to pieces by a baying mob of arachnids?

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The mob descended upon Ross and, much to his surprise, he was lifted into the air and carried back in the direction of the market. The spiders cheered and whooped as they carried Ross above their shoulders.

When they arrived at the market the stallholders were giving away their stock. The spiders who were receiving the stock were asking what was going on and the stallholders explained to them that Ross had bought everything in the market and had instructed him that all of it was to be given away.

After the crowd had calmed down Ross made his way to the council chambers. As he walked he was escorted by a crowd of spiders who wanted to thank him for his generosity. Ross told them there was no need to thank him as he had only done what he thought was right.

When Ross arrived at the council chambers W was waiting for him. W asked what was going on and Ross told the story of how the stallholder had explained the situation and thought he could do something to even the score. W grabbed Ross' arm and hauled him into a small cave at the side of the council chambers.

"Take it easy man." Ross protested.
"Do you realise what you have done?" W said, angrily.
"What do you mean?" Ross asked.
"The council will not be pleased at this. You have sewn the seeds of rebellion. The spider council rule the spider people hard for the good of the whole." W replied.
"Well, the spider council can kiss my hole." Ross said and walked away.

W followed Ross into the main council cave. When Ross looked at the crowd of happy spiders he knew he was right. When he looked into the crowd he saw happy spiders celebrating and knew that to rule fairly first you must be fair.

Then he saw the sergeant at arms. The sergeant had a stern look on his face and was ordering soldiers to take control of the crowd outside the council chambers. Some of the soldiers were beating back the crowd with balls of silk that they were firing from their abdomen.

Ross saw some of the soldiers were armed with clubs and were beating some of the spiders as they attempted to subdue the mob. On seeing this Ross ran towards the sergeant at arms and demanded that he order his soldiers to stop. The sergeant at arms told Ross in no uncertain terms to mind his own business.

"This is my business!" Ross yelled. "I told the stallholders I wanted everything to be bought and given away. How dare you order the rank and file to attack these spiders!" He continued.
Meanwhile W had taken the wise move of sending for Slater. Slater arrived and ordered the soldiers to stop beating the crowd and ordered Ross and the sergeant at arms into the council chambers.

Once in the chambers Slater asked what was going on. Ross and the Sergeant both began screaming out their respective versions of the story at the same time and the meeting descended into a shouting match. Suddenly Slater screamed. "There will be silence!" It shouted.

At once Ross and the sergeant at arms stopped arguing and paid attention. Slater spoke again. "This is to stop at once. The two of you are acting like children. In order for you to learn to work together I am ordering you to prepare the rank and file for the forthcoming battle."

"That's not fair!" Ross and the sergeant said, at the same time. "He started it!" They both said. They looked at each other and began laughing. Ross offered the sergeant his hand and the sergeant shook it. They apologized to each other and Slater told them that they had much work to do.

Slater then asked Ross to come into a small cave at the side of the main chambers. Ross and Slater stepped into the cave and Slater spoke. "What you are doing here is unwise Ross, for many years the spider people have been ruled with a strong hand. Change will not come easy. I see that you have grand ideas about how to rule but I warn you that you will not find it easy to change the ideas of the spider council." It said.

Ross said that he understood that change was not an easy thing to accept at times but there are times when it is a must. Slater said he understood. "Be careful Ross. The rest of the spider council are not as forward thinking as I. You will make many enemies." Slater said as it walked from the small cave.

Ross then walked out into the main cave where spiders were helping the injured and the sergeant at arms was ordering his troops to return to barracks. Ross asked the sergeant where the barracks were and the sergeant told him that they were returning there shortly if he wanted to come along.

After the soldiers had lined up the sergeant ordered them to march. Ross followed along and the whole troop paraded through the large cave in the direction of the barracks. The sergeant and Ross began talking as they marched to the barracks and they discovered that they had a similar sense of right and wrong but there were times when they were overruled by society and politicians who thought they had better ideas on how to run things. "Sometimes you must lead the people, sometimes the people must lead you." The sergeant said.

When they arrived at the barracks the rank and file were told to get some rest as their training would begin in earnest tomorrow. The sergeant and Ross went to the officers club to have a drink.

Ross awoke the next day slumped over a table in the officers club. His head was pounding and he had no memory of what had happened the previous night. The sergeant was lying on its back on the bar and there were berry skins all over the floor. A barspider was sweeping up the mess and cursing.

"Where the hell am I?" Ross said, as he slowly came round. "And more to the point what the hell was I drinking?" Upon raising his head Ross felt dizzy and crumpled to the floor.

The sergeant stirred and fell off the bar into a heap on the floor. In a flash the sergeant was on its feet with two legs raised like a prize fighter. "Ok, who pushed me? Come on then! I'll take on anyone who wants some." It said, and promptly fell over into a heap.

The barspider went behind the bar and came back a few seconds later with two acorn shells filled with water. It threw one on each of the drunks that were lying on the floor. Ross and the sergeant both spluttered and splashed in the water and woke up.

The sergeant and Ross looked at each other and laughed. Then they stopped laughing as their heads felt like someone had had a party in their skulls and hadn't invited them along for the fun. The sergeant asked the barspider to make him up two tonics to clear the cobwebs and the barspider shuffled off to the bar to prepare them.

A couple of minutes later Ross and the sergeant were sitting at the bar holding their heads. The barspider returned and placed a couple of drinks in front of them. "There you go sarge." Said the barspider.

The sergeant handed Ross a drink and told him to swallow it. "What's in it?" Ross enquired.
"If I told you, you wouldn't drink it. Now get it down you. Trust me. It'll clear your head in a flash." The sergeant said.
Ross did as he was told and swallowed the drink down. As soon as the drink hit his gut Ross was violently sick. The barspider shook its head as he watched Ross chuck up all over the bar. The sergeant however finished his drink and stood up.

"That's betterer." It said. "Much betterer."
"Betterer? Is that even a word?" Ross asked.
"Does it look like I care?" Said the sergeant. "All I know is that it either makes you sick or it makes you feel betterer."

"Right then Ross, lets go and wake up the troops." Said the sergeant.
"Can... Whooaarrrghh... I... Whooaarrrghh... please... Whooaarrrghh... finish... Whooaarrrghh... puking... Whooaarrrghh... first... Whooooooooaaaaaaarrrghh." Said Ross as he spouted spew all over the barroom floor. Ross wiped his chin on his sleeve and stood up.
"Betterer?" Asked the sergeant.
"Lots." Ross said, moving as quick as he could considering his legs weren't talking to each other.

They arrived at the squad barracks and the sergeant roused the troops by screaming at the top of his voice. Ross held his hands over his ears as the sergeant bawled the troops out of their webs.

"Right you horrible little lot! Up and at it! Your favorite sergeant is here to let you know it's time to become soldiers!" The sergeant screamed, as Ross held on to the nearest thing trying not to fall over because of the noise. The soldier spiders all got out of their webs and lined up.

The sergeant screamed at all the soldiers to line up outside the barrack and they all trooped out and stood to attention.

1 comment:

Divemaster GranDad said...

Ok, jus edit the part about "kiss my hole" and you have a kids story... :-)