Once more into the silliness...

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The Haunting.
A Short Story.
Part Six.
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The Spider council sat waiting. They looked very serious and Ross felt that they were all very powerful spiders in their own right.

Ross approached the raised platform.

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"Hello." Said Ross.
"SILENCE!" Shouted a spider who was standing to one side of the platform. It moved towards Ross and grabbed him with two of its legs. "YOU WILL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! HUMAN." It continued. The tone of its voice when it said the word human was something like the kind of tone Ross used when addressing an idiot. The disdain in its voice was easily recognized.

"I'll give you until the count of three to let go of me." Ross said.
"Or what?" Replied the spider who had grabbed Ross.
"Or you'll go the same way as General Bitsy." Ross replied with a tone of bravado in his voice.
"One..." Ross counted. "Two..."
The spider released Ross and stepped backwards. Ross dusted off his new clover waistcoat and smiled at the spider. "So, who's the big cheese here?" He asked.

A large spider who was sitting on the raised platform spoke. "I am the leader of the council of spiders. My name is Slater. On behalf of the spider kingdom I welcome you." It said. "I apologize for the behavior of the sergeant at arms he is but a soldier and knows not of such things as protocol." It continued.

"Don't worry about it." Said Ross.
"Not at all brave warrior, the sergeant at arms will be punished for his error." Said Slater.
"Please, don't punish the sergeant at arms. And also, call me Ross." Ross said.
"You show great mercy towards someone who could have killed you. That is indeed the sign of a true warrior." Slater replied.

Slater then introduced the rest of the spider council and Ross waved to say hello. After a few minutes of small talk Slater began talking about the problem that the spiders were facing. Ross said he knew what the problem was, as W had explained it all to him, and offered his help to the spider people if they wanted it.

The sergeant at arms spoke up. "This... Human... Cannot help us. We must fight the yellowbacked ones and the long legged ones alone. It is only by defeating them ourselves that they will learn to respect our rightful position as leaders of the world of the insects."

Ross spoke up. "You know something, there are humans like you sergeant. Mostly they are smallminded idiots who see other people as something to be dominated rather than respected. They're known as Hawks in the general term. Personally I call them idiots."

The sergeant at arms ran at Ross, screaming as it ran. Ross stood his ground ready for a fight.

Ross raised his fists in preparation for the attack of the sergeant at arms. Just as Ross and the sergeant at arms were about to collide the sergeant at arms was halted by a well aimed thread of silk that Slater had fired. "THERE WILL BE NO VIOLENCE IN THE COUNCIL CHAMBERS!" Screamed Slater.

Ross lowered his fists and the sergeant at arms was released from the silk rope that had stopped him in his tracks. Ross offered the sergeant at arms his hand in a gesture of friendship but the sergeant at arms turned his head and walked away. "I will never shake a humans hand as long as I live." It said as it walked away.

"If you run at me like that again you won't live long enough to." Said Ross quietly, so that the council couldn't hear but the sergeant at arms could. Slater the spider brought the hall to order and asked Ross if he was willing to help them in their fight. Ross said he would and Slater raised his two front legs.

A large table was brought in. Ross was asked if he would sit with the council and eat. Ross was very hungry so he said yes. Large clover leafs were carried into the hall on the backs of small spiders and was placed onto the banquet table. There were lots of different dishes all of which looked appetizing. Ross was served a large plate of meat and he began to eat.

W was sitting opposite Ross and they began talking as they ate. As Ross chewed at what looked like a rib of some kind he asked W what it was that they were eating. "That," Said W. "Is prime rib of bluebottle."

Ross suddenly didn't feel very hungry and dropped the rib back onto his cloverleaf plate. "I think I'll stick to the salad." He said. The spiders who were gathered around the table began laughing as Ross' face turned a strange green color and he reached for a small berry to take the taste of bluebottle rib out of his mouth."

At the end of the banquet Ross was escorted back to his small cave by W and was told to get a good nights sleep as they had much preparation to do in the morning.

When Ross awoke the next day he found that some clothes had been placed on a small mushroom that functioned as a table. He picked them up and inspected them. To his surprise he found that the trousers were made of denim and that the t-shirt was made of cotton. There was also a pair of very small shoes that looked like the previous owner was a small doll.

After washing himself Ross tried on the clothes and found that they fitted him almost perfectly. Then he walked to the entrance to the small cave and slid down the silk rope that was hanging outside. He dropped onto the floor of the large cave and began walking across the floor. As he walked about forty small spiders came up to him and ran around him shouting. A larger spider came over, gave them a row and told them to get moving. The large spider apologized to Ross and complained that children were such a handful at times.

"Are they all your children?" Ross asked.
"Oh, no." The spider said. "No no no." It continued.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate anything." Ross apologized.
"I'm their teacher." Said the spider.
"Teacher?" Questioned Ross.
"Oh yes, all spider children must go to school." Said the spider. "I really should catch up with them or they'll all wander off into who knows what kind of trouble." It continued.

Ross watched as the spider teacher ran along to catch up with her class and then he continued walking around. All around him spiders were going about their business. Up ahead a market of some sort was set up. Ross decided to go and have a look.

There were stalls selling berries and stalls selling meat, though Ross avoided these he could hear the cries of market traders yelling out their offers. "Bluebottle! Bluebottle! Get your Bluebottle here!" One trader shouted. "Woodlice, lovely fresh woodlice." Another shouted.

After a few minutes Ross' stomach couldn't take anymore so he headed to a fruit stall and asked how much the fruit was. The stall holder told him that the market traders were under strict orders of the council to give Ross whatever he wanted and to send the bill to the council offices.

Ross picked up a small strawberry and asked the stallholder to send the bill to the council offices. The stallholder asked if Ross wanted anything else and when Ross said no the stallholder sighed.

"Is everything alright?" Ross asked.
"Oh yes. Everything is fine. It's just that... Never mind." Said the stallholder.
"Never mind what?" Ross questioned.
"The council take almost all our profits in tax and I was hoping that you would buy more so I might claim some of it back." Said the spider.
"Really?" Asked Ross.
"Yes. We are taxed almost ninety percent on our profit so we struggle to get by." Said the stallholder.
"Well if that's the case... I think I'll buy everything on your stall if that's alright with you." Ross said, which made the spider brighten up immediately. "In fact, I think I'd like to buy everything in the market if you could arrange that for me." Ross continued.
"But how can you possibly eat everything we have in the market?" Asked the spider.
"I can't. But I can give it away." Ross said.

The stallholder smiled as it caught on to what Ross was suggesting.
"So let me get this straight. You wish to buy everything in the market and give it away?" The stallholder asked.
"That is exactly right." Said Ross. "I'd like to buy it all and give it all to the spiders who most deserve it. Can that be arranged?" He continued.
"I'm sure it could if it was on your orders." The stallholder said.
"Then that is my order. See to it if you would be so kind." Ross said and walked away eating his strawberry.

When word got around the market that Ross had ordered everything to be bought and given to the spiders who needed it the most there was an uproar. Ross heard the shouts go up and turned around to see a mob of spiders rushing at him.