I've been off my work for almost a week now with a fucked shoulder.
I'm so bored of the four walls of my house that I actually considered redecorating. Seriously considered. I gave the thought at least six seconds of wandering around my brain before I called the whole farce to an end. Trust me, when it comes to interior decorating, six seconds is a very, very, very long time. Universes can be created in six seconds and redecorated in seven.
All it took to rip me back to reality was the thought, "What goes nice with sky blue?"
After this thought comes such mentalist statements as... I'd quite like a breakfast bar, some wicker chairs would look good in the study, Would a hat-stand be too much when you take into consideration the chaise longue... and, from then on in you're well and truly fucked.
As soon as you give a longer thinking time than six seconds to these notions you're on the rocky road to ruin. Next comes delusions of grandeur that would make, Lawrence Llewellen-Bowen audibly shit himself and Handy Andy have a cardiac arrest. (Both of which I'd like to see. But, only if Laurence Llewellen-Bowen shit himself first and then had a cardiac arrest to follow.)
Decorating, to me, is like Basingstoke. I know it's there but I never want to go. Which is exactly how I feel about MFI, Carpet Warehouse, Homebase, Ikea and all the other We-sell-you-things-that will-kill-trained-experts stores that live in little groups on the industrial estates all over the country. I never want to go there either.
And to end this post I'll let you in on something I found out today while researching DIY stores for this post. There's no B and Q in Dundee... Dundee is spelled D-U-N-D-E-E.
6 comments:
Decorating, as in slapping on a fresh coat of paint, I can cope with. Its all this designer crap I hate. There are two guys my wife watches on TV, Justin and Colin, whose idea of "decorating" is to turn your living room into something so prissy and poncey you would be afraid to fart on the cushions.
Now who wants to live in a house like that, give me nice friendly clutter, CDs scattered on the floor and far too many non-themed pictures on the walls.
Its my space and I like it how I like it.
Let's send Justin and Colin and Lawrence and Linda and the rest to Basingstoke.
Ever been to Dundee? Seems obvious they don't have a B&Q given that place hasn't had a lick of paint in centuries. Truly a shit hole of a city.
And if your reading this and happen to live in Dundee and are now hugely offended...I was born there so I can say what I like!!
that is so odd, I was born in Dundee in Figas Road, do you know it.
Hey kev, Nope can't say I do know it. I lived in Ormiston Crescent. I was very young when we came back to Edinburgh though...months old!
Small world though! So we're both Dundonians eh??
We left when I was five, the factory my dad worked in closed, so we moved to Edinburgh, West Side.
tell me it wasn't a tyre factory "Kev" ! We also moved to Edinburgh - West Side...what school did you go to?
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