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4/19/2006

Finals week.

It's a gripping week at the BBC.

The bowling club that is, not the British Broadcasting Corporation. Though to be fair the first episode of the new Dr Who series did air on Saturday. (And Lo, Whovians around the world did rejoice.)

The scene really is maddening for a rational person (See; Non Bowler) such as myself. On the green is a phalanx of loons in grey trousers/skirts and white shirts/blouses playing what is essentially marbles. With the exception of the Juniors who are all dressed in black. Presumably to mourn the loss of their youth and innocence and to herald the approach of the inevitable social death that they will suffer whenever they inform someone that they like to play lawn bowls.

Crowded around the surrounds of the green are so many octogenarians that if you added their ages together you would, by pure chance alone, have PI to the one millionth digit. Umpires stand looking as somber and bored as attendants at the funeral of an acquaintances family pet. When called upon to measure the distance of the contenders bowls they spring into action with the speed of a giant Sequoia and the grace of a Canadian Elk attempting to juggle hedgehogs.

Behind the bar, but light years ahead in the evolutionary scale, stand I attempting to make sense of the scene before me. And I'm fucked if I can.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love it, your best yet, was laughting for ages.

Momma

Stuart Douglas said...

It's not bloody Whovians (you're doing this just to annoy me now, aren't you?)

Anonymous said...

Hello Stuart, not often we see you here. how you doing, see you later.

M.

Anonymous said...

What/where/how is the BBC??

Unknown said...

Mum.
Thanks.

Stuart,
Yes.

Alfredo,
It's a bowling club. It's in Edinburgh. It's fine, how are you?

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

And here I am thinking that bowling is something done in a cricket match. Oh, how backward we are here in Africa.

Now, if I can get my hands on the marketing rights... maybe I can start something.....

Salagatle!

jenny said...

We are paid (using the loosest sense of the word) not make sense of the scene but to add to it by providing diluting juice on request.

Let us never forget that Bowling is a dangerous sport. While on one hand it can make normally arthritic old timers, who can barely wipe their own arse, bend and stretch pain free with the competition of it all it also causes a high number of deaths, we need only look at the number of club announcements that contain the words "regret to announce the passing of fellow member...."

Bowling...it's not for the faint hearted.