Of being nasty last night. And that's not true, I'm not nasty. Sure, there are times when I can be a bit abrupt, but generally I'm a nice guy.
When I questioned the accusation the person who made the claim changed their mind and said that they were wrong. "You're right, you're not nasty. You're evil with a capital EVIL." They said.
"I'm not evil." I said. Then I considered the accusation. "Ok, I might be a little bit evil. But I'm not on the scale of evil that you claim I am. I mean it's not like I take part in goat sacrifice or eat babies. Justify your claim."
"You're always taking the piss out of people without a thought for their feelings." They said.
"Fair enough, but I also take the piss out of myself. I'm very self deprecating." I said.
"But the things that you say about other people are never on the same level."
"Ah, not true." I said. "I take the piss out of myself just as much as I would anyone else. And if someone is taking the piss out of me I accept it in good humor."
"Prove it." They said.
"How?" I asked.
"Whoever comes to the bar ask them what they think of you. Tell them to be brutally honest and take it all with a smile on your face." They said.
"Ok then."
The next person who came to the bar was asked their honest opinion about me and they told me. "Well, there are times when you're a total letch. You have conversations that start off well and then you degenerate into talk that would shame a sailor. Plus you swear like a trooper all the time." She said.
"I resent the accusation that I'm some kind of a fucking letch." I said.
"Can you say that without looking at my tits? Or swearing?" She said.
"Balls to you, Get the fuck away from my bar you mardy cow." I said, turning away.
I faced my accuser. "And don't you start either you useless bag of piss. Isn't it about time you went home and fiddled with your little brother? Just remember to wipe the spunk off his face in case he thinks it's a bad dream but wakes up to find your jizz on him in the morning." I said.
I think I proved I wasn't evil.
2 comments:
Well you can tell you did your apprenticeship at WHEC...unfortunately it's given me a smart mouth as well which doesn't always do me any favours. Ah well never mind...
They're bad to you at work eh? It's kinda like all those Saturday nights when we discuss women and your bad attitude comes out!! I feel you should name and shame these people for the benefit of us who'll know them!
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