Book review.

The World According To Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson.

Ok, firstly, ignore the review that the above website gives this book. It's from the publishers website and is hugely biased towards this book. Secondly, and this is for information purposes only, from now on I'll be using the acronym T.W.A.T to describe this book to people. Well, It seems apt.

If perchance you are stumbling through your local bookstore, or are clicking away on Amazon.com and see this book, please, for the love of god avoid it. Consider it to be on a comparison with a syphilitic whore. Not only will you feel used and dirty after completing the deed, but you'll also have a terrible memory of that horrible day when it seemed like a good idea at the time.

And before you think I'm being a bit harsh on Jeremy Clarkson remember this, I have read this book. Cover to cover. First page to last page. No chapters skipped, no delay taken. (Mostly because I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. Kinda like a jail rape.) And therefore have a better insight into it all.

I normally like Jeremy Clarkson, god knows I've watched Top Gear and have almost shit myself laughing when Clarkson gets all worked up, about some strangely designed Swiss car, and goes into Ranting Upper Class Mode. His facial contortions, his voice and his Fawltyesque body movements are funny enough to make Abu Hamza laugh dementedly and Cliff Richard say "Fucking hell that's funny." And I'm no different. These things, however, don't come across in his writing.

Perhaps it would have been a funnier book if Clarkson had employed stage directions to put across which body parts you should picture him moving, which tone of voice the words you're reading would be spoken in and what look you should imagine on his podgy face. As a Penguin published book this wouldn't have been an altogether bad idea. They've always done good books for kids and retards.

Which is exactly what I would have been if I had paid full price for this book. But I didn't. I paid £0.50 for it in the "We couldn't sell this as kindling" bucket at my local Bargain books.