I've sat...

And stared at this screen for precisely 45 minutes and nothing has came to mind. Not a bolt. Nothing. Nada. Fuck all.

I'm jealous of all the people out there that can sit down at a typewriter/computer and can immediately bash out 5000 words that are insightful, witty and urbane. Columnists the world over are able to take a small moment out of their life and turn it into lengthy morality tale. I, however, struggle and strain, like a hemorrhoid sufferer trying to squeeze out a shit, and go nowhere fast. It just ain't right.

It's not as though I have nothing that I could write about. I've got 35 years of experiences that I'm sure would serve as morality tales for the masses but none are forthcoming. Could this a problem with my memory being shot to shit after roughly 20 years of Marijuana smoking? Perhaps. But I'm fucked if I'm giving up on smoking weed, it's the only drug I've sampled that manages to stop the voices in my head driving me right around the bend.

And before you start to jump to conclusions and label me a stoner I'd ask you to consider the many ways that human beings, through time immemorial, have sought to dull the self.

From the ancient Egyptians to present times humanity has always searched for enlightenment through the use of substances that are snorted, smoked or sipped. It's what we do. And maybe even what got us here in the first place...

Could it be that early humans liked eating those little mushrooms that produced magical colors in their minds eyes that first set us off on the journey to where we are now? Could be. Lets face it, you'd have to be stoned out your gourd to have the desire to get off your hairy prehistoric arse and see what's in the next valley when there's a nice little fire on the go and you have ample supply of those strange mushrooms.

But who knows. Presumably the pre-humans do, but until we invent a time machine and go back and ask them, we'll never know. And if we did I have a feeling there would be a shortcoming in their ability to communicate with us. How much sense would a stoned pre-human make?

Possibly as much as I am now. You be the judge.