The Upchuck diaries.

I've been in bed all day so far, trying my best not to hurl, puke, upchuck, blow chunks, spew, vomit, huey or ralph.

It's going well so far. I haven't puked at all today but I have sat and shat. If you can qualify shitting through the (brown) eye of a needle as having shat. I personally have no idea how you grade your shits. Perhaps you rate a nice conker colored firm stool sample as a ten on the shit scale and a runny wet poop as a one.

Perhaps I should take a picture of my next splatter and upload it to rate my poo. I'd get to use my new digital camera that my mother very kindly bought me for my birthday and you'd get the chance to witness the latest download from my butthole and score it on a 1-10 scale.

Wouldn't that just make your day?