Show me your handcuffs...

There are many laws in our society. Way too many for me to list them all here but one very important law has been overlooked...

The law preventing policewomen from being good looking.

"What's brought this on?" You may wonder. Well, it's like this...

There I was in bed watching Nascar, quietly wondering what possible attraction there could be in watching the most rednecked of sports, when my phone rang. I walked through to the livingroom, wondering if someone had dialed the wrong number and was about to ask me if they could get a taxi, and picked up the phone.

"Hello." I said. Even though the urge to yell "What the fuck are you calling me at this time of night for!" was quite overwhelming.
"Is that Ross Douglas?" The voice on the other end of the line enquired.
"Yes." I answered.
"This is Lothian and Borders Police here." Said the voice.

"Ohh Fuck." I thought to myself... "Have they finally caught up with me? What do they know? Who told them my plans for global domination?" Do they know about the numbered account in Switzerland? Do I have to go to ground and live the life of a fugitive until I can find a company that will provide quality henchmen to do my evil bidding?" Then I remembered that I was Ross Douglas and not Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Max Zorin, Fransisco Scaramanga, Rupert Murdoch or any other evil fucker intent on taking over the world.

"Are you still a keyholder for ********* ******* *** ****** ****?" The voice asked.
"Yes." I replied.
"Are you able to attend an attempted break in callout?" The voice continued.
"Yeah, sure. I'll be over as soon as possible." I said.
"Officers are present. Can I give an ETA?" The voice asked.
"Give me about ten minutes." I said, hanging up and calling for a taxi.

I pulled on a shirt and my trainers and headed downstairs to await the taxi to take me over to *********.

As the taxi pulled in to the carpark I saw a guy standing scanning the building with a powerful torch. I got out the taxi and said hello to the officer. He told me that one of the neighbors had called the cops out as there were some kids attempting to kick in a window.

I walked around to the main door of *********, unlocked it and entered my alarm code. After I had entered my code into the alarm panel I turned around to see the sweetest looking policewoman I have ever encountered. "Damn, she can arrest me anytime." I thought to myself.

The male officer said he would show me where the attempted break-in took place and I re-entered my alarm code and we exited the building. I chatted with the officer about how bad the security is and how many times ********* has been broken into in the time that I have worked there. He recommended security cameras and I suggested other deterrents such as automatic machine turrets on motion sensors, hidden trapdoors and anti personnel mines buried in strategic places.

After showing me where the attempt had been made he told me that I would have to give his colleague some details. "Niet problemski tovarisch." I said. I walked over to where his good looking colleague sat making notes. She took down some details and we had a bit of a chat as the male officer stood talking into his walkie-talkie.

I, for a change, was totally composed and made a few well chosen jokes and she laughed at them all. When it came to her asking me for my phone number I told her it and said she could get me at anytime she wanted.

I even made the remark "And I do mean anytime."

If there was a law preventing good looking women from becoming police officers I wouldn't have so shamelessly hit upon this woman and she could have went about her duty of protecting the public without having to deal with corny lines like that.