Instead I wandered into town to peruse the bookshop and grab a small snatch of what would normally be termed "real" life. You no doubt know the kind of thing I'm talking about... Wandering through shops staring with envious eyes at things that you can't afford, and don't really need, while shop assistants regard you with suspicion and have one hand resting on the panic button under the counter.
Or maybe that's just me.
The first place on my list of browsing was Bargain Books. After much deliberation, just to annoy the security guard, I chose the following four books.
- Stephen Fry - Moab is my Washpot.
- Jon Ronson - The Men Who Stare At Goats.
- The Prince. Machiavelli.
- Nietzsche. Thus Spake Zarathustra.
As the security guards started to talk into their sleeves I browsed the comedy DVD section. My eyes scanned the shelves and I saw a familiar face. Bill Hicks stared at me with his arm extended. Relentless said the cover.
I whipped out a hand, picked up the DVD and walked straight towards the payment counter. As the assistant took the DVD from my hand he pointed to a rack and asked if I would be interested in any of the titles. I looked at the rack he was pointing too. Immediately I questioned him.
"What makes you think I'd be interested in buying Little Britain?" I asked. "Do I look retarded? I've laughed more at a family funeral than I ever will from watching that rubbish. The next thing you know you'll be asking me if I like Ricky Gervais."
"To be fair, Ricky Gervais is a comedy legend." He replied.
"Try leg-end. Or better still, bell-end. Ricky Gervais is comedy for five year olds. And, having seen his Flanimals book I'm not so sure about that either."
"I just thought that you'd like him, it says this is a comedy DVD." He said, holding up the Bill Hicks DVD.
"It's way more than comedy mate. It's poetry, philosophy and truth." I said.
The assistants eyes faded back to their previous state. I saw the mindless glare of someone who wished he'd never bothered engaging someone in conversation and gave up. "Some people just aren't ready for the awakening." A voice said in my head. I smiled at the assistant, took the bag with the DVD in it and made my way towards the exit. As I walked out I smiled at the security guard. "You can relax now." I said.
"Huh?" Said the guard.
5 comments:
But 'The Office' is genius and 'Extras' is OK too. Nothing wrong with Ricky Gervais other than the fact he can only play one type of person.
My daughter, your sister, was a teenage mom, and gave birth to the first of my five adorable grandchildren. So less of the "teenage mums and their Spawn"
your sister was a teenage mum and give birth to the first of my adorable five grandchildren. So less of it young man.
Yeah enough already about teenage mum's...my Sis (you know the one you like!!) was a teenage Mum!
Oh and I agree with Stuart about Ricky and William with Little Britain...first series was good but it's the same old same old now. Not funny. Peter Kay on the other hand is funny.
William,
finally I have an ally. Come the revolution Lucas and Walliams will be the first against the wall. I trust you'll join me in celebration when that glorious day arrives.
Stuart,
No, you're wrong. Oh so wrong. The office was the lowest of the low when it comes to comedy. The whole thing was comedy a retarded monkey could have penned inbetween bouts of flinging shit around its enclosure.
Momma and Jenny,
At no point did I mean Sarah or the wonderful beauty that is Gill. The dig at single mums was aimed at the burberry clad troglodites that infest our city. I have nothing but respect for single mums such as Gill and Sarah.
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