I was shocked and stunned today when I switched on the TV at work this morning to find out that Tom Cruise was embroiled in a squirting scandal.
I was then deeply annoyed that he hadn't, as I thought, been the latest celebrity to have had a home made porn movie stolen and put onto the internet. Damn shame, I'm sure there are millions of women around the world that would pay a few bucks to witness Tom Cruise popping one off onto the face of Katie Holmes. Shit, I'd watch it. Just to see Katie Holmes flinching as Tom's cannon lets loose a volley of his man muck into her eye.
Not only was I disappointed when I heard that it was merely a practical joke being played on him by a British TV company but I was even more disappointed to see that Sky News were billing it as their top story. I'm pretty sure that Tom Cruise getting a small amount of water in his face pales into insignificance when you know that there are thousands of people a day dying from a lack of clean water.
Fuck Tom Cruise.
Fuck Sky News.
And if you think I'm being overly harsh by saying that then Fuck you too.
Have a nice day.
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