Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Call it senseless, mindless, purile, shallow or insane I have decided that I am an authority on a subject and so should therefore be addressed as DR Ross Douglas. Or I should at least have initials after my name.
"But..." I imagine you are asking, "what are you an authority on Ross? Physics, Chemistry, Philosophy, Biology....?" No. None of the above. I am an authority on myself.
So in recognition of duties performed in advancing the knowledge of myself I hereby decree that from this day onwards I shall be known as...

The Right and Honorable Doctor Ross Douglas. Aoh, Bng, Tfs.

I would do an acceptance speech but modesty prevails. Thankfully.

(The initials after my name stand for... Authority on himself, Bloody nice guy, Totally free spirit.)